The Gross Family

The Mommy Marathon

2011-11-08T12:57:00.001-06:00

Thought I'd share a devotional I wrote for a friend's baby shower : ) Hope it encourages some moms out there today!

Becoming a mother... a sacred joy and blessing yet a noble and divine responsibility. Surely, we experience motherhood even before giving birth, protecting and nurturing a child in your womb. There will be thrills your heart has never known to exist and there will be pain that you think your soul cannot bear. I have heard it said to be a mom, it is to hold your heart outside of your body.

Being this incredible and serious adventure, mothers strive to do their VERY BEST! So many choices in motherhood... labor options, diapering options, feeding options, sleeping options, disciplining options, schooling options and the list goes on. Some of these options probably are already swirling in your head. Whew... it makes MY head swirl and I’m not even having a baby : ) Let me assure you though, that all of these options are non-essential and NONE of them will make you a good mother. Let me explain.

There is only ONE thing that will make you a successful mom. The only ONE essential to being a good mother is fearing and obeying the Lord.

But what does that look like? I am going to share with you from the Word a passage where we can glean insight to answer that very question. The passage of Scripture I felt led to share with you today is one of my favorites. And very appropriate in light of all of Jackie’s running and races(she ran her 1st marathon at 11wks pregnant!).

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witneses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

“Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses”... in mothering, we MUST remember the lost world around us and our brothers/sisters in Christ are watching. We can greatly impact people around us either by making them stumble or encouraging them to seek the Lord. Our lives and our mothering must always point to Christ.
“Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and sin that so easily entangles”... in our mothering, we MUST be careful to examine our lives. To confess sin and repent, so that our children learn to do the same. So that they will learn to be holy and to be humble.
“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”... one of the things I always say when David and I do pre-marital counseling is don’t expect to have a 50yr. marriage in the 1st year, I believe the same can be said for mothering. It is ok if you don’t have all the answers in the first few days of becoming a mom, you know the ONE who does. Relax, take it slow, enjoy the run of “mothering”. The point is to endure and be steadfast.
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus”... probably one of the toughest things in mothering is the urge to compare yourself to other moms. But the WORD says to fix your eyes on JESUS... not the mom running next to you. Be careful to not “fix your eyes” on methods in mothering or on moms you admire. Rather, FIX your eyes on JESUS and HIS WORD and He will give you direction for your marathon in mommyhood.
“For the joy set before Him endured the cross”... there will be many times that being a mom stinks : ) There is great sacrifice in being a mom... of sleep, of time, of money, of emotion, of belongings and so many more. There are times I want to just quit. But it is in THOSE times we need to remember JOY! For the JOY set before HIM, He endured the cross. There is so much JOY in serving our kids in service to our GOD! Always make sure your kids know that you have JOY in being a mom. They will see the JOY of the Lord is your strength. The JOY of the Lord as we consider Christ on the cross will keep us from growing weary that we may not lose heart!

As you run the "Mommy marathon", remember to relax, enjoy and most of all... Fear the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. " But a woman who [fn]fears the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30

The Race

2011-07-29T00:39:00.001-05:00

I am running a 5k tomorrow. Not a big deal for a lot of people. It's a big deal for me. I don't like to run. Well, that's not true... I do like to run but only when it's sprinting really fast and really short distances. Certainly not jogging 3 miles. That's painful, boring, and hard.

Yet, I am running. I decided to run the 5k primarily because it is raising awareness and funding for orphans in Guatemala. Soon after making the decision, some motivating questions entered my head. "I wonder how quick I can get into shape and really be competitive? I wonder how fast I could run this if I work hard?". The thrill and challenge of competition and lofty goals are hard to resist.

Pretty quickly those lofty goals were met with misery. I was running way too fast the first mile and could barely breathe to gut my way through to the next. I felt terrible, out of shape and discouraged. I needed to run slower but I didn't want to because I wanted the work out to be over as fast as possible. I wasn't enjoying the running because I was trying to set a pace that my body was not ready to run.

I've always loved the comparison Scripture uses of running a race to the Christian journey in following after Christ. Probably because I relate to it. I was a sprinter in high school and college. I understand running with endurance and "in such a way to win the prize" as I visualize rounding the curve to the straight away in the 400m. hurdles. But somewhere in the midst of making myself run long distances the last couple months, God has brought me fresh insight.

It honestly makes me laugh when I think of how silly I must be to Him when I compare His Word of running with endurance to sprinting the straightaway of the 400m. hurdles. Oh sure, there's endurance required in the 400 hurdles... all of the 60+seconds needed to run it : ) Although, I wouldn't doubt our lives here will look near close to that 60+seconds when we get to eternity. Still, we don't have that eternity understanding yet and our life on earth can seem dauntingly longer than even a 5k race... a marathon if you will.

The Lord has quietly revealed to me how the human desire tries to live the way I like to run. Fast and short. But the life of following Christ is rarely a sprint. If we are to run in such a way to win the prize with endurance, we must let Him set the pace. If we get ahead of Him, we make ourselves miserable. We gut it out in our own strength barely able to breathe.

God desires us to settle into the pace He designed for each of us to run. If we are to run with endurance, we need to go at a pace where we are able to breathe in His life giving Spirit that enables us to have the strength to keep going. We need to throw off everything that entangles us, not looking to the right or the left to see what pace anyone else is running but fix our eyes on Jesus ALONE, the author and perfecter of faith.

Life is hard, difficult and painful. Sometimes it becomes even more so because we are pushing ahead not allowing God to direct our steps and set our pace. Life is also joyful, beautiful, full of hope and contentment when we rest in the timing and path He's set before us....even at it's hardest.

The Lord has changed my lofty goals. My aim now looks more like surrender, submission, humility and dependance. Praying to enjoy my running more(literally and figuratively) as I look to my sweet Jesus' face.... even in the hardest parts of the race.

How about you friend, are you enjoying your run?

Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

ps. So funny but one day as I was training, an oldie but goodie came through my headphones right as God was showing me some of these insights. Here's the lyrics to SCC's "The Human Race"...gotta love how God works : )

In a world of winners and losers,
Some are used, some are the users;
It’s a push and shove race
Of trying to get ahead.
In the dust of all the confusion
We make a choice, Truth or illusion;
Will we listen to lies,
Or hear what the Father says.

CHORUS
We are running in a human race,
Where nobody wants to settle for second place;
But we’ve got to run it at a different pace,
‘Cause the first will be last and the last will be first
At the end of the human race.

In a day when values are changing,
What kind of ground are we really gaining;
Who are we trying to serve by going the extra mile.
We can’t trade the Truth for the fashion;
We’ve got to live a life of compassion,
And those we touch are the prize
That waits at the finish line.

(chorus)

We are running in the human race;
We must run it at a different pace,
‘Cause we’ll all meet the Father face to face
At the finish line of the human race. (2x)

Summer goals!

2011-06-09T17:02:00.000-05:00

This pic was taken in Chicago when we visited Dave's dad at the Rehab Institute. Here's to hoping our summer will look this happy and cheerful with team cooperation : )

A few people asked me to share the behavior/discipline plan that Dave and I came up with for our kids this summer. It really is a mixture of lots of advice and other people's ideas fit for our family. Hope this might help anyone looking for something new or just an idea starter!

Our goals:

1. Behavior

2. Chores

3. Spiritual discipline of prayer/reading the Word

4. Begin learning concept of tithing/saving/spending

Method:

1. Charts (we found great free printable behavior/chore charts on internet -thanks Karen Beaty!)

2. Reward of $ (again found really fun printable play $ online.. even found a site that you can print your kids faces on the bills, heehee)

How it works:

1. Each boy has a chart with 5 things they need to do every day

2. They receive a sticker for each thing they accomplish each day

3. Stickers are worth 10cents a piece with the potential of earning 50 cents/day

*For added incentive I let each child pick their own stickers out at the store

5 things:

1. There are 2 behaviors(ie. complaining, fighting with siblings, annoying siblings, etc)

*they get 3 strikes and then they are out... which means they receive 2 warnings per behavior before they lose a sticker

2. There are 2 chores(ie. clean room, set table, trash, water flowers, etc)

3. There is 1 spiritual discipline(ie. read the Bible and prayer journal)

-Read 1 Chapter a day of a book of the Bible(in progression)

-Write or draw a picture in summary of what the chapter was about

-Write out Prayer Points:

a. PRAISE- write a praise for God

b. THANKS- write a thank you to God for something

c. SORRY- write you are sorry for a specific sin

d. HELP- write and ask God to help you with something

Extras:

1. Boys get an extra dollar at the end of each week IF they get a perfect chart for the week

2. We are implementing the tithing(10%), saving(50%), spending(40%) as they receive their $

3. Boys are only required to do spiritual discipline 5 times/wk... so they get 2 FREE stickers/wk.

Overall thoughts:

I am SO excited!! Things are going really well. My favorite thing is the journals! The boys are reading through Joshua and LOVE it. They don't even want to take a break and plan to do it 7 days/wk. One thing I know has really helped is how we introduced the whole idea. I've been prepping them for weeks plus we have been building it up and speaking confidence into them that we KNOW they can do it : )

The other thing we have done is we have UNPLUGGED for the summer(all technology, yippee!). It's amazing how the complaining about when do they get to have their "screen" time each day and "can't we just finish this level" is NON-EXISTENT! We will have exceptions on Saturday mornings for mom and dad to "sleep in" and for family nights(which vary week to week). I highly recommend taking the leap : )

Oh, and we are doing sticker charts with the girls too! They have a chart for 1 targeted behavior. Right now we are working on not coming into mommy and daddy's bed in the middle of the night. And like the boys, it's working!!! 4 out of the last 6 nights!!

Hope you all have a great summer!

Trusting that "Jesus loves me this I know"

2011-06-02T15:39:00.001-05:00

Stunned. I stood there holding my daughter. Her arms gently wrapped around my neck and clung to me, her head buried in my shoulder. She willingly received comfort from me as she cried. Truly a breakthrough!

Sarah had received a punishment from me for disobeying. Being disciplined was no new thing for Sarah in disobedience. However, her reaction was a 180 turn. Normally, upon punishment, Sarah throws a fit, yells angrily, pulls/runs away, or screams the name of the opposite parent(or even Caleb's name) in hopes of being rescued.

Her angry reactions have been difficult and different from parenting the other kids. As long as we disciplined in a godly, right way(yep, we're not perfect : ), our other kids have always melted into our arms after being punished. I'd liken it to owning their "sin" and them accepting the consequence. But with Sarah, no matter how calm, kind, reassuring and firm I have been in delivering her discipline, she has reacted as though I have hurt her unfairly and retreats from me.

To me, it's all about TRUST. When my children completely trust me with their training, well-being and feel whole-heartedly loved, they respond to their discipline with broken yet willing spirits(please keep in mind they aren't so willing and broken before admonishment, hehe). They KNOW I love them and they TRUST that I am correcting in that love. Sarah may struggle with trust "off and on" her whole life but I'm praying she won't. I see victory over her trust/security issues little by little and praising God for this small victory in the area of discipline!

So.... you all know by now, I have to go further than a story about Sarah : ) I am reminded of Hebrews 12:5-11:

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the LORD, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the LORD loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives....... All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Woe is my soul when I am far from Him and I turn angrily from His discipline. When I forget His unfailing love and choose unbelief, my heart becomes cold and unresponsive by my skewed perspective of unfairness. I shiver and cower in fear, insecurity and lies from the enemy.

But when I TRUST my Abba, Father and am confident in the knowledge that He loves me, I receive His discipline... broken yet willing. I cry out for comfort from the One who is training my heart for righteousness. I mount up with wings like eagles and gain new strength as I wait for the Lord. "Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us."Hosea 6:1

Are you TRUSTING God in His discipline? Be encouraged, friends, "HE who began a good work in you is FAITHFUL to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus!"

His Delight

2011-04-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

I may never have mentioned this before, but I teach private art lessons. I really enjoy teaching under 2 conditions: the student desires to learn and the student is teachable. Any other situation is filled with frustration and dread. We all know "students" can find themselves in all sorts of classrooms for any number of reasons other than desiring to learn and a heart to be teachable.

Whether I am teaching art, truths about the Word of God or training my children, my "enjoyment" of teaching depends on those 2 conditions. When that desire to learn and attitude of being teachable exist, my heart is DELIGHTED. There is joy. It is easy. It grows a bond between teacher and student.

Today as I acknowledged and expressed to God my heartache over a situation and loved ones that are unteachable, I recognized His heartache and frustration for "unteachable-ness" as well. (oh, how much we desire to protect others from pain and suffering from wrong choices...) But, as crazy as it seems, in the very next moment, I sensed His DELIGHT. My Bible was laying open in front of me as I concluded a day of study. For whatever reason, in my despair over someone else, He chose to love on me and express His hearty approval for my endless searching of Him. A moment from our perfect Father in Heaven when He pours undeserved love all over your soul and drenches you with His comfort. To the extent that God is not pleased with unteachable and un-desiring hearts, He is DELIGHTED by the heart that searches and seeks Him. What child does not yearn for the delight of their Father?

Do you desire to know God, to be teachable? Does the time you spend in the Word reflect your desire to know Him and learn from Him? Ouch! Yes, our time devoted to "the Word IS God" does reflect our desire to know Him and learn from Him. Oh Lord, I pray that the amount of time I set aside to genuinely search for You in the Scriptures reflects and validates the desire I profess with my mouth instead of making me a liar.

How are you doing, friends? Are you DELIGHTING your Father with your desire to know Him and learn? I pray you are!!

Because you love ME

2011-04-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

The boys were playing in the living room. I asked if one of them could carry something to the basement for me. So, the older one cons the younger one into doing it. But in doing so, the younger was not without a whole slew of grumbling and complaining about his big brother.

Words came out of my mouth, embedded in my mind since childhood, in response to the complaints, "Don't do it for your brother, do it because you love me." Do you ever have moments, where the thoughts coming from your mouth nearly slap you in the face? God often shocks me with my own hypocrisy through parenting.

As I spoke to Zachary, I seemed to receive a life giving "jolt" to my hardening heart as the words, "Do it because you love ME" echoed in my thoughts. Sometimes, deep down, little sprigs of bitterness or selfish complaint or "that's unfair" thoughts can try and take root in my mind and heart concerning relationships with my brothers/sisters in Christ. Those relationships can be our spouses, children, family members, friends, church members, neighbors, etc. I wonder how often I or we withhold, refuse, neglect, grumble, complain because in "our" opinion someone is deemed unworthy, selfish, undeserving or wrong?

We are to love our brother more than ourselves, deserving or not. But more important, our first command is to love God, who is deserving of ALL our service and obedience. And God, who is deserving of our obedience, commands us to love our brother.

John 14:21 (NASB95)

21 “He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who LOVES Me; and he who LOVES Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.”

I praise God, that when my rebellious nature wars with my spirit, I can recall the gentle words of my Father in Heaven, "do it because you love ME!"

Sometimes there are scars

2011-02-12T14:26:00.004-06:00

A week ago Sarah got 4 stitches as a result of entering the middle of a light saber battle. It was not a fun experience but she did just fine. In fact, it's hard to believe just 7 days later there is a minimal scar that should be almost unnoticeable as she ages.... the dr. did a fantastic job!

Most days, my kids are just my kids. You know, I try to use godly, catered discipline, encourage specific areas, find special moments to express intentional love and care for their needs on as personal basis as possible.

For Sarah, I try to encourage our bonding and attachment intentionally often. Several times a week I do this by rocking her before nap time. Today, she whispered "Mommy, rub my forehead please"(another little thing I do intentionally to promote bonding... just special between the 2 of us).

It's in those times, with her eyes closed and her sweet chubby face looking like the cutest angel on earth, that God often pricks my heart. I consider the scar of "what has been". The year of life that was missed by us and by her. The rejection that comes from being relinquished. The loss of a culture and heritage she will never fully know.

But there is another scar that God has brought to my attention. A scar that "will never be". How I praise the Lord for the scar that "will never be". The scar of hunger, of abuse, of enslavement, of abandonment, of neglect. Praise God Sarah was rescued from a life that "could have been" had her birth mom not sent her to Eagles' Nest! Praise God Sarah had a church, friends and family that supported her adoption financially! Praise God that He gave specific direction to me and David as we followed Him to Guatemala!

I wonder how many "Sarah's" are out there today waiting for God to move in the hearts of His people to accept the scar of "what has been" and move forward to rescue even just one from the scar of "what will never be". I hope you each take time today to pray how God might use you to redeem a "Sarah" for the sake of Jesus!

Consider coming to the Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten conference on February, 19!!

You can register at www.connectingheartsconference.org

Like Mother Like Daughter

2011-01-24T13:38:00.003-06:00

It's that time of year again... just 3.5 weeks until the Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten Conference . My "to do" list is ridiculously long as all the last minute details are being sorted out... yet, this is of course, the opportune time God always takes to teach me something about Him, about me and adoption. And I have learned that if I don't take time to process this "something" and journal it, the lessons that are more precious than jewels are lost.

Lately, I have had moments of considering whether or not Sarah will struggle with not looking like me. Maybe because so many people have commented on how much Emily is just like me. Emily's hair color, complexion, blue eyes, and even the build of her body resemble my own appearance as a toddler. But even her personality is strikingly similar to who I was at almost 3 yrs. of age.

Sarah, obviously, does not look anything like me. And even her personality is completely opposite my own. In a world that glorifies the flesh and promotes outward appearance above all else, my mind swims in the confusion of wanting to protect my girl. Will this bother her someday? Maybe, maybe not.

I was often scolded growing up for "thinking too much". Which is great advice for petty thinking or dwelling on negative thoughts that I am very sure was all consuming in my youth. But I consider it a gift from God as I've grown into adulthood. Simply because I have been able to breathe in so much wisdom from His Word and godly people for "thinking too much" about what they say. How MUCH I certainly would have missed for not chewing on Truth hour by hour, day in and day out.

So, I've been thinking through future conversations with Sarah and Emily pretty often, seeking to know how best God would have me handle these possible questions.

On Sunday, Pastor Ed gave a wonderful sermon on the sanctity of life. In his message, he brought up 2 Genesis passages... Gen.1:27 and Gen. 5:3. They talk about how God created mankind in His own image and fathered a son in His own likeness. Image? Likeness? My ears perked up and my heart opened willingly to receive God's teaching. (Ha ha, I'm quite sure P. Ed had no intention of teaching about post-adoption... just goes to show the Word never goes out and returns void)

Like salve on an open wound or refreshing water to a thirsty soul, God's Word ministered to my Mommy heart. What is more important... to physically look like your parent or to spiritually mirror your Father in Heaven??

With renewed confidence from God's Word, I look forward to those questions from my sweet Sarah and my sweet Emily. I look forward to telling them that there is no value in physically looking like me or anyone else! My heart's desire is that we will look IDENTICAL in our search for God as He molds us and makes us into HIS image and HIS likeness. That in the truest sense of reality, our eternity, we will look and be like Mother like Daughter.

"Instead, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:4

Sisters in Crime

2010-12-08T15:14:00.003-06:00

They look harmless enough....

...until they decide to do the laundry for you.

(yep, they carried this lil tikes table in here all by themselves : )

This would be detergent in the fabric softener opening

and unmeasurable amounts of detergent in with the laundry.

Playing in the living room seems harmless enough too until you see there are no toys out in sight and only a step ladder by the suddenly bare Christmas tree...

...oh, and this pile of ornaments on the footstool.

Nothing like getting to decorate the tree twice for one Christmas!!

Gift Ideas to help ORPHANS!

2010-11-24T13:08:00.000-06:00

Show the love of Christ to a child in need this Christmas!

What are you doing this year for Christmas?

Decorating the house? Making Christmas cookies? Celebrating with family and loved ones? Exchanging gifts?

What if this year you gave gifts that not only celebrated your loved ones but brought the love of Christ to a child in need? An orphan in Africa, India, Ukraine, or Honduras?

This year Lifesong for Orphans has gifts that will do just that. Give the new Lifesong cookbook...

or give a child in Africa food, a child in Honduras job skills training, a child in India a home... in honor of those you love... and really, what could be better at Christmas than to know your gift was given to a child who needed it more.

Check it out here.

May God bless your holiday season!

10-11 Gifts of Purpose from Lifesong for Orphans on Vimeo.

Pain that brings THANKSGIVING

2010-11-18T09:43:00.003-06:00

Only God would equate pain with thanksgiving.

I would never write this post if I did not believe it was true nor would I know how to write this if I had not experienced it. The last 6 mos. have turned everything upside down around my little family of David, me and our kids. We are fine... but so many loved ones near us are not. Family and friends alike, on both sides. But, because we bear one another's burdens... in reality, we are not fine.

Each situation unique, each with grievous pain. Some pain is emotional, some physical and some spiritual. So many times, everything in me has cried out to God... "make it all STOP!" So many times, I just plead with God to send Christ back so we can go home. Of course, there are too many that do not know Him as Savior to really wish that.

Probably the deepest hurt for me is to see willful choices of sin that lead to devastation... for everyone, not just themselves. Consequences for those who "do what is right in their own eyes" hold tragedy of all kinds and sadly even for the surrounding innocent. The Enemy is cunning and disguises himself as an angel of light, justifying every fleshly desire.

Recently, it has occurred to me, that actually ALL pain is a result of willful choices of sin. The earth itself and all of mankind has been cursed because of sin. You can't read or watch the news without recognizing our world is devastated.

How does any of this lead to thanksgiving? I'm glad you asked.

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:8-11

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation. If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you." 1 Peter 4:12-14

And then, yesterday, as I was working on my Isaiah study, God lovingly revived my weary heart with these precious words of truth that left tears of joy streaming down my face...

"He(God) will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken. And it will be said in that day, 'Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us. This is the LORD for whom we have waited; Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.'"

Be encouraged dear sisters and brothers... "THIS is our GOD for whom we have waited that He might SAVE us!" Our time here is short and so many are lost. Don't be surprised by the abundant hardships but rest in His abundant comfort. Press on with me, friends! Don't lose sight of the goal when we are so close! Our GOD will be faithful to do it!! Choose today to give thanks for the great things He has done and REJOICE in the sufferings of Christ!

And let us not forget to pray for one another....

Adventures in Picture Taking

2010-10-27T13:53:00.006-05:00

It's been a while since the girls got their pictures taken... so decided to get Sarah's 3 yr. and Emily's 2.5yr. yesterday!

Sarah did GREAT...

pulling out all the stops on big smiles

She had the photographers melting with their awwww's and she's so cute comments : )

And then there was Emily....

This one is my all time favorite...

the photographer PERFECTLY captured her 2 year old tantrum so I'll be able to remember them forever : )

Somehow...(through much bribing and distractions) we were able to turn Emily around

She even giggled a little!

I was grateful they caught her famous mischievous smile... she definitely has the DNA of our boys!

And finally a sweet one to finish off the day : )

Now just have to get a pic of all the kids for Christmas... or maybe not, ha ha!!

I love my Jesus

2010-08-31T22:14:00.005-05:00

Earlier today, my little Guatemalan princess walks in to the kitchen while I was making dinner. My once shy and timid daughter, who now exhibits confidence in her 2 yr. old strut, makes her way towards me. Tickled by her cuteness, I swoop her up and squeeze her close to me as I say,"I love my Sarah". And just as natural as could be, she turned in my cradle hold, looked straight into my eyes and said, " I love my Jesus".

It's true, I can be dramatic. But there was something about that moment that will stand the test of time for me. My soul filled up with more thoughts than I could possibly write. But there was one main thread in all of it.... "remember". It was like God was saying...

Remember, Marianne, how I spoke to you in Jamaica?

Remember that I told you that you had found ME in the orphan?

Remember how I showed you that I was making a way for you to bring Sarah into your home with the miscarriage of your baby?
Remember that I provided EVERY penny needed for Sarah's adoption?
Remember how I brought Sarah home at just the right time and in just the right way?
Remember that I showed you that I loved you first so that you could love Me back?
Remember that you physically adopted Sarah so that I can teach her about eternal adoption?
Remember....

Funny how God seems to weave messages into your life that no one else gets except for you. Yes, we serve that personal of a God. "Remembering" is something that God has talked to me about many times in my life... specifically in times of doubt, pain or persecution. The trials facing my family seem more gigantic to me than Goliath. Contending for our faith requires endurance and this trial has felt like a marathon although it has only been 4 months. It is in these times that I recognize the Lord's prompting to remember.

Many times I choose to "remember" by looking at how God has brought me through personally in hard times before. Greater still, I "remember" by looking at how God has brought His people through hard times in the Word. But for some reason, these thoughts have felt over used or have lost it's power in my determination to hold on to faith and hope as of late.

However, a stirring in my heart has occurred the last few days and was solidified in my daughter's words today, "I love my Jesus". Remembering Jesus. Remembering the cross. Remembering there is no other hope but in the name of Jesus Christ. That no matter what befalls us in this life, Jesus is enough. Remembering that it was MY sin that put Him on the cross. Remembering that it was His choice to stay there for me. Remembering that even more than anything He's done IN my life, He's who GAVE me life. Remembering that there is no greater miracle and no greater act of love than what He has already done! Oh, ye of little faith. Is anything too impossible for Him? Never.

Chapter 9 of Nehemiah could have a chapter heading of "remembering". There are two separate kinds of remembering accounted for... God remembering and Israel NOT remembering.

The essence of the chapter is the descendants of Israel separating themselves from the people, recommitting to the Law of Moses and turning towards God. They even put an agreement in writing in a sealed document with the names of their leaders, the Levites and the priests.

In the midst of their fasting and reading from the Law, the Levites cry out to the Lord in confession and remembrance. They declare and remember WHO God is and WHAT God has done. In doing so, there is a great contrast.

God was faithful. Israel was not.

God was forgiving, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. Israel was disobedient, rebellious, stubborn, arrogant and blasphemous.

God did not forsake. Israel turned away.

God spoke. Israel didn't listen.

You see, God REMEMBERS His promises and He keeps them. Israel FORGOT to remember the "wondrous deeds which [God] had performed among them"(v.17). And since we have a God that never changes, we know He remembers His promise to the children of God... we are His, we are adopted into the family of God through the blood of Jesus forever.

Have you forgotten to remember what God has done for you? If He hasn't done anything else for you.... the cross is more than any of us will ever deserve. And that's enough. In a world that screams "entitlement" from every angle, let's remember.... our sin, our unfaithfulness, our arrogance, our pride, our forgetfulness. And humbly remember the GRACIOUS and COMPASSIONATE gift of Jesus. Oh Lord, have mercy on this servant.

I LOVE MY JESUS!

I am going to end our study of Nehemiah with Chapter 9 with the above post. Please read the remaining chapters and enjoy! But since I begin my fall Bible study with Isaiah this week, I need to close this online study out.

2010-08-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

Logos Bible Software is giving away thousands of dollars of prizes to celebrate the launch of Logos Bible Software 4 Mac on October 1. Prizes include an iMac, a MacBook Pro, an iPad, an iPod Touch, and more than 100 other prizes!

They’re also having a special limited-time sale on their Mac and PC base packages and upgrades. Check it out!

True Understanding=True Rejoicing

2010-07-25T12:53:00.005-05:00

Chapter 7:

We won't spend a lot of time on this chapter but there are a couple of observations that need attention. The backdrop to this chapter is, of course, the completion of the wall.

1. First you see Nehemiah continue in stellar leadership. He does not finish the wall, pat himself on the back and put his feet up. Instead, you see him taking seriously the responsibility of protecting the people. He appoints people for leadership based not on worldly wisdom but on the premise of faithfulness and fear of God.

*What a great lesson to remind us to not be tempted to assign leadership roles based foremost on ability, rather, the faithfulness and fear of God in an individual.

2. Secondly, you see Nehemiah obediently respond to God's prompting by assembling the people to be enrolled in genealogies. I think it's easy to become bored with names of people when we don't know who they are, particularly names that are nearly impossible to pronounce, ha ha. However, maybe we shouldn't focus on the individual names as much as the significance of all of them together represent. You see, these names are the individuals and families that would carry on the heritage of Abraham and make possible the furtherance of the lineage of Christ. The names of these exiled people were chosen to bring forth the Name above all Names through their return to Jerusalem.

*Have you ever visited the Vietnam War Memorial? I have not. But I have heard what a moving experience it is to see list after list of names of those who sacrificed for our country's freedom. How much more moving, then, is it to see a list of names of those who represent the carrying on of a promise that would bring ultimate freedom to the world, for all who believe.

Chapter 8:

I am still trying to wrap my brain around this text. There is a LOT to absorb here. We've talked so far in our study together about tools of observation.... repeated words/phrases, location and context. Well, here's another one to notice... TIME : ) Repetition, location, context and time are ALL important in this chapter.

*Observation 1 : The scene of this chapter opens up at the Water Gate(remember reading about this in the building of the wall?). It's very interesting that this Gate is the chosen place for the reading of the Word. "Water" is very symbolic in the Bible. It often represents a "washing" of your spirit through the Word of God.... the Word cleanses and washes our souls.

*Observation 2: A specific word that is repeated several times is "understanding". Reading and hearing the Word of God requires understanding. Matthew 13:14-15 says,

"You will keep on hearing, but will not understand; you will keep on seeing, but will not perceive; For the heart of this people has become dull, with their ears they scarcely hear, and they have closed their eyes, Otherwise they would see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and UNDERSTAND with their heart and return, And I would heal them."

The people listening to Ezra read the Word of the Lord heard with their hearts... they understood.

*Observation 3: Did you all notice the timing of this chapter? It was a feast... the feast of trumpets. We know that because the text says it was the first day of the 7th month. It was to be a week of rejoicing. But in verse 9, we are told that the people were weeping. Why? After hearing the Word of God with UNDERSTANDING, there was conviction and repentance. The great news is that with repentance and turning towards God, there is healing. Now that's cause for celebration! Nehemiah reminded them that they were to rejoice in the midst of their godly sorrow. And in their understanding they did just that... they ate, drank and celebrated!

All 3 of these observations could have so many applications for all of us. In light of the trials facing my family, these bring heavy TRUTHS. We absolutely MUST know the Word of God. Understanding MUST accompany reading and hearing the Word of God. Matthew 13:19 says,

"When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road."

There are many believers today that would rather be spoon fed by sermons, inspirational worship music and passionate literature(books that have not been "inspired" such as the Bible but because they are about God or the Bible, they are considered "Bible studies") than dig in and be cleansed by the washing of the Word of God. My question for those who feel that I've stepped on their toes is this, "Do you have understanding?" and "Are you ready in season and out of season to answer?" If your answer is "no", you have put yourself in a dangerous position. False teaching is rampant today. The devil does not play fair and probably knows Scripture better than you. Do not be tossed about by every wind of doctrine but stand firm on the rock of your salvation.

With true understanding, there is conviction which leads to repentance. Repentance is a turning away from sin and a turning TOWARDS God. The Word of God is powerful and has the ability to divide soul and spirit. Being washed with the Word continuously is necessary for believers. Having this understanding, there is JOY in the healing only the LORD of LORDS can bring. It is this JOY to which Nehemiah refers in verse 10.."for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

No matter your trial today, friend, no matter your sin... He is mighty to save! Allow His Word to cleanse you and wash you, read with understanding and REJOICE for HE is our STRENGTH!

Summer pics and Nehemiah 4-6

2010-07-15T14:40:00.008-05:00

Finally redeemed the pastor appreciation gift from our church for a family Cardinal's game!

The "pack-pack" girls...

not sure if we could go anywhere without our pack-packs.

Went on a short mini-vacay to St. Louis... the girls and me at the City Museum!

It was sooo cool.. the tunnels+artwork=awesome!

Kids with Daddy waiting for the water to splash in the cave!

I think the boys could have climbed through these metal tunnels for hours...

not me, my knees are stilling saying "ouch"!

We couldn't get over how fearless our girls were!

Dave and the treasure he found... a fire hydrant that claims his favorite state.

Anyone else have a two yr. old that adamantly says,

"I do it!" with EVERYTHING?? Good thing she's cute!

Our only family pic... at the Arch

It was a looong day of walking... everyone's feet were giving out.

So glad our big boy is growing up and can help carry the load!

(Dave had Sarah on his shoulders : )

Monkey see as monkey do : )

Always love the zoo!

Zach crossing home plate!

Caleb taking his stance on the pitcher's mound.

Nehemiah 4-6:

Thanks for not giving up on me... as you can see from the pics, we've had an event filled summer. It hasn't kept me from His Word but the blog certainly took a back burner for a while : )

Chapter 4- This chapter dealt with one major theme FEAR! Have you ever been afraid? I know I have! I've feared physical events, emotional and physical pain, and constantly battle the fear of the unknown. Fear is a tactic of the enemy and is especially effective with believers. Why? It paralyzes and is contagious. Check out any statements made by Adolf Hitler on his "weapons of war" and fear was one his best tools.

In this chapter, the enemy conspired together to wage war against the Jews as they set out to rebuild. When Nehemiah saw the fear rise up in his people, he reminded them who God is and not to fear. He told them to "fight". In verse 17, we are told the workers did their work with one hand and held their weapon with the other. They had a trumpet sound to rally for battle... knowing "Our God will fight for us."

In the current trial my family is enduring, fear has been a major component. It has sought to destroy and paralyze those of us doing our best to "build the wall", if you will. But when fear comes knocking, we are quickly learning to REMEMBER who the Lord is... how great and awesome is HE and to not be afraid. With one hand we build for God's glory and with the other we wield the sword of TRUTH, ready to confront the enemy. And when the enemy comes, we sound the trumpet to all the believers fighting this battle with us and PRAY for we know that "Our God will fight for us."

Chapter 5- I got a little help from my friend, Wiersbe, on this chapter. The first 5 verses require knowledge about Jewish customs and laws to understand the whole gravity of what was going on. Wiersbe entitle this section "selfishness". Basically Jews were cheating Jews and even forcing bondage on some. All for the almighty dollar... well, probably not the "dollar", but you know what I mean : ) Wiersbe makes an interesting point that when Satan fails at one attempt, he often tries to destroy internally.... through our own selfishness. Think about that for a minute... makes sense doesn't it??

When we are seeking to " build a wall" or God's kingdom , we must remember Christ humbly became the ultimate servant, taking the form of a bond-servant and we are to follow that example!

Chapter 6- Ok, so I finally decided, yep, this one's my favorite! Probably because of the HOPE we find in verse 16.

The chapter opens up with an attempt to lure Nehemiah to a"meeting", so that the enemy could trap him. Then another attempt was made to stop the work by spreading lies and an accusation that Nehemiah was a rebel. When that did not work, a traitor was sent to persuade Nehemiah to hide in the temple so that they could kill him.

And did Nehemiah falter, hesitate or submit to the threats and tauntings of the enemy?? Nope. He was steadfast. He recognized every attempt made by his adversary.

In fact the wall was completed IN THE MIDST of these "trials". It was finished in a mere 52 days. As a result of their enemies HEARING and SEEING it .... they lost their confidence. For they recognized the work had been accomplished with the help of God!

How can we apply this chapter to our lives?

1. We can be alert and aware of the schemes of Satan... there are a LOT of verses about this one. Why don't you spend a little time today looking some up? The best way of spotting a lie is to KNOW the Truth!

2. When we are faced with lies, we don't believe them. Be steadfast and stand firm in your faith!!

3. Never underestimate God's work in the midst of trials... remember, His ways are not our ways.

4. When GOD does something, even the enemy recognizes it! May we be people who do things WITH God's strength and FOR God's glory so that ALL may see HOPE of Christ!

Much love to you today and may His joy be your strength!

Big God for a Big Job

2010-06-08T14:34:00.006-05:00

I hate to admit it but I am easily overwhelmed by the "big picture" when there is a big job to be done. Recently, I was gone for a few days to go to a conference and upon return, I unexpectedly had to leave again for 3 more days. And oh man, when I get out of routine, things pile up fast. Needless to say, it's taken over a month for this house to return to order : )

Can you even imagine for a moment the BIG job that awaited Nehemiah and the Israelites? Sure there were a lot of people willing to do the work but where to start?? And who does what?? I organize a local conference for orphan care/adoption every year and work with a team of about 5 or 6 people. My head sometimes swims with all the details and oversight to make sure each thing gets done in the time it needs to. But, I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around the organization needed to oversee 42 different groups of people. I mean how crazy is that??

There were 3 things that stood out to me in Chapter 3: the people, the repairs and the process.

The people

Like I said before, there were a LOT of people. There are 42 different groups of people recorded along with many individuals and anonymous people. Notice how they were all kinds of people too... nobles, officials, priests, governors, lay people, townspeople, sons and daughters. Warren Wiersbe points out in Be Determined, how this reflects what Paul said in 1 Cor. 12&14 about the many members of the Body that make up the Church. It takes all kinds to do the work of the Lord... and each person has their place.

The repairs

If I've learned anything about studying the Bible, it's that you always pay attention to repeated words. Well, it's pretty hard to miss that "repairs" is a repeated word : ) The word means to make strong and firm. They weren't trying to accomplish some shoddy work... they were building to last. It's also interesting to note that though the walls were torn down... something still existed in the form of the wall in order to be rebuilt.

The process

This was the most fun part for me to study. Another tool in studying the Bible is to always pay attention to locations. If you are unfamiliar with the layout of the city of Jerusalem, it would be easy to skim over the many gates and towers during this chapter. You have to be willing to dig to uncover jewels : ) Luckily for me, I have a map of the walls and gates of Jerusalem in my Bible. So, as I read through this chapter I located each gate on the map. It was very rewarding to take this extra time to discover that there was a specific order to repairing the wall. They started at the north end of the city and went counter-clockwise in a circle until they came back to the Sheep Gate again. Isn't it just like our God to be so orderly? I also was blessed to read commentaries on the significance of the names of each gate in light of the order in which they were repaired... I'd encourage you to investigate this for yourself!

Chapter 3 was very powerful for me in light of a recent family crisis. When facing insurmountable tasks, obstacles and trials as an individual, family or church.... what can we learn from this chapter?

*I think we can learn that God will use many, many people... great and small. He will use many different kinds of people to be the fulfillment of the Body of Christ. After all, it is for HIS glory that we do all things.

*I think we can learn that God will rebuild the sacred things of God, whether it be His people, relationships or ministries, to make them strong and firm... He won't use some "quick fix". His ways are not our ways... and most definitely not America's "instant gratification" ways. His ways are also not the newest fad or creative idea but rather, His ways are timeless and never changing... ahh, the importance of knowing our God through the WHOLE Word of God and not selective passages.

*I think we can learn that God will use a process that is orderly, significant and meaningful. We should never want to rearrange the process/order of things God has designed. If we remember that "all things work together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus", we can know that every part of whatever process we go through in life is necessary and for our own good and more importantly, for the good of the Kingdom of God. (Obviously, I am not talking about willfully choosing to sin here.)

I pray God is encouraging you as much as He is me in this study! Can't wait to get to chapter 4 next... it's a toss up between 4 and 6 of which one is my favorite so far : ) Thanks to all who have commented and or let me know they are joining me on this journey with Nehemiah... I really enjoy hearing what God is saying to each of you personally and how much is blesses me too!

Do we have the confidence to succeed?

2010-06-03T15:03:00.005-05:00

Well.. I hope you haven't lost interest in our friend, Nehemiah, since I've taken soooo long to post again. But I know you won't be disappointed in the truths you will be SURE to discover about our awesome God in this precious book!

We left off the story with Nehemiah requesting permission from the king of Persia to go back home and rebuild his homeland... the city of David. Our text today is Chapter 2:9-20. Nehemiah arrives in Jerusalem despite the displeasure of several officials in the land. He inspects the destruction by night so the officials and Jews would not know what he was doing. Then he makes his announcement.

Nehemiah gives his testimony, in a sense, of how God has been working in his life up to that moment. He invites others to join in what God is doing. Their response... Let's do it!!

What do we learn here...

I think it's interesting to note the process that Nehemiah goes about gaining the support of his people. First, he investigates the situation thoroughly and therefore able to speak knowledgeably as to what he is proposing. Secondly, he speaks to the people with the plan and backs it up with God's favor and the king's favor. Nehemiah speaks with confidence because it is God's WILL(ch. 2:12) to rebuild the wall and city!!!

One application could be...

... when God speaks to you to "do" something.... 1. educate yourself and investigate 2. be sure you KNOW it's God's will and can speak confidently being able to back up what you're doing with Scripture. Do we have the confidence to succeed? It must be the RIGHT confidence. I love the last verse of Ch. 2...

"So I answered them and said to them, "The God of heaven will give us success; therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you(the enemy) have no portion, right or memorial in Jerusalem."

We don't have anything to fear when we are following God's will... HE will give success... just as in fact He has already succeeded!!

I would love to keep going on to chapters 3 and 4... I am anxious to share the beauty of these next scriptures but I will leave you today with this and pray to meet with you again in a few days for those next treasures!

Zachary Lost His 3rd Tooth!

2010-05-27T21:29:00.005-05:00

Zachary lost his 3rd tooth on the last day of school today! He's been patiently waiting and today was the big day. He lost it by bonking into Emily and then he thought something was in his mouth and he reached in and it was his tooth! The place he lost it was at McDonald's.

Do we even care?

2010-05-20T21:14:00.003-05:00

Have you ever received words that literally dropped you to your knees? I mean the kind of news that sends your heart and mind into a tailspin? How did you respond? Did you run to a friend, shake your fists in the air, pull the covers over your head and not want to face life? Or have you faced such despair that darkness prevails and depression swallows your life?

Our friend, Nehemiah, faced such a time as this. Nehemiah was a cupbearer for the King of Persia, a generation after the famous story of Queen Esther. Cupbearer was a secure and prominent position that could lend itself to having great influence, bad or good. However, the Lord had plans that would change Nehemiah's comfortable life. Just one simple conversation.

Friends of Nehemiah came from Judah and he asked them how things were for the Jews who survived the captivity and about Jerusalem. Upon hearing the words of great distress, reproach and the desolation of the city, Nehemiah sat and wept. He wept and he mourned for DAYS. He fasted and prayed.

Is there anything in your life that is in ruins? Is there distress? Reproach? How about someone else's life? How about your neighbor that is lost spiritually? Do you care? Do you sit down and weep? Do you fast and pray over their distress? Tough questions, I know. And I must confess, that God has convicted me of what caring really looks like. Could there be more than an "I'll be praying for you" here and a "bless your heart" there? How often do we sit and weep over sacred things, like, broken marriages, lost souls, orphaned children, and prodigal sons/daughters in the lives of others.... until it's us.

Nehemiah prays a beautiful prayer reminding God who He is and the covenant He has promised. He confesses the sins of His people and begs God to hear his prayer.

According to the timeline of the Hebrew months, about 4 mos. pass by after Nehemiah prays. The King notices that Nehemiah is sad. Nehemiah is rightfully afraid as it was expected for those in the King's presence to enjoy the King's company. But God is with Nehemiah. Nehemiah boldly asks detailed permission to go to his homeland that is in ruins so that he could rebuild it.

A couple things stand out to me in these 8 verses. One is that Nehemiah waited on God. He did not force a plan in his timing for how to "fix the problem" the remnant faced and the condition of Jerusalem. It was after 4 mos. that the King noticed Nehemiah's sadness. The text says Nehemiah declares he was never sad in his presence. My conclusion is that it must have been God that made the King aware, thus it was God's timing. Another good example by Nehemiah... waiting on God to hear our cries.

The second observation is that Nehemiah cared enough to say something when the appointed time came. He cared enough for his people and his city to ask a question that put Nehemiah in danger. Nehemiah was afraid but he asked anyway. He prayed to the Lord and the good hand of God came on him. He asked to return and rebuild the city of his people.

Most of us are not typically in a place where caring about someone or doing the Lord's will would put us in physical danger. But many of us face fears of another sort... pride, security, loss. Do we care enough to overcome fear? Do we care enough to seize the moment that God brings about and obey?

Nehemiah cared. He cared enough to weep, mourn, pray, speak up and enough to go. Yep, the next section of chapter 2 is Nehemiah GOING!

Wow... I think I'll be able to chew on these truths in the Word for a few days. If you haven't read these first sections of Nehemiah yet, think about ... the situation, how Nehemiah related to God, and what was Nehemiah's example? And if you want to go deeper, check out Precepts Bible study methods and some commentaries(like Wiersbe)... that's what I used as I studied : ) I have to conclude with a poignant excerpt from Wiersbe's commentary on Nehemiah...

God is still looking for people who care, people like Nehemiah, who cared enough to ask for the facts, weep over the needs, pray for God’s help, and then volunteer to get the job done.

“Here am I, Lord—send me!”

Thanks for reading with me. I love the accountability and I would love to hear any insights God shares with you too!

Joy amidst the ruins

2010-05-17T22:07:00.002-05:00

I recently have been drawn to the book of Nehemiah. A favorite verse and known by so many has been echoing in my heart..."for the joy of the LORD is your strength"(Neh. 8:10). This verse has taken on new meaning in my life recently and I look forward to some in-depth study and insights that the Spirit will be sure to reveal(because I have a God that promises if you seek Him, you will indeed find Him).

First observations of this verse are that God holds true to His character. The people of Israel are not told that the joy of the Lord is their strength during a time of great happiness and prosperity but rather a time of great grief and sorrow. This intrigues me....

Would you be willing to study Nehemiah with me over the next few weeks and together let's see what the Lord would have His children learn? I hope you do and I look forward to posting Truths that He teaches me over the next few weeks. May the joy of the Lord be your strength!!

Life with mi Princesa

2010-04-10T10:14:00.005-05:00

I realize it has been some time now since I have updated on how we are "doing" since Sarah has come home. The last time I posted, we were experiencing some set-backs, mostly with sleeping. You can read about that here. Through that time period, I came to understand how significant bonding and attachment are to a successful adoption.

Before I update how things are going, I want to preface our personal experience, advice and results with the reminder that every child and every family is different... there is absolutely no black and white formula in adoption! Just as everyone who adopts has their own unique experience and challenges, we also have had a rare experience with it's own difficulties. We brought home an almost 1 yr. old right after bringing home a newborn, 4.5 months earlier. In essence, we faced the new and stretching experience of "twins" at the same time as the new and stretching experience of adoption. Certainly God-ordained but completely unfamiliar territory for me.

I have a few friends with twins and many friends who have adopted, but no friends that have had both at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that feels "alone" when there is no one around facing the same circumstances as you. Remember that is ONLY a feeling though! God will never leave us nor forsake us!

Because of our interesting situation, there is something that has to be mentioned. Bonding and attachment is readily talked about from the child's perspective but rarely talked about from the parent's perspective. In our situation, I struggled with bonding to Sarah on some level. I didn't recognize it at first because I thought our "disconnect" was coming from Sarah not bonding to me. And there is truth to that, but I guess it's kind of like trying to figure out if the chicken came before the egg.

I struggled because.... when I would walk into the room, Emily would smile and squeal and Sarah would just look at me. I struggled because I couldn't seem to comfort Sarah the same way as my other kids. I struggled because there were fewer "mommy" moments than "caretaker" moments in our relationship. It's funny, it seems men are usually the ones that struggle with these thoughts before deciding to adopt, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the mommies that struggle the most in post-adoption.

Well, before anyone might get discouraged about adopting.... let me say, Sarah and I are doing GREAT!! There are 2 reasons why.

Reason 1:

Remember, in my post last fall, that I felt God telling me that He was going to heal Sarah's hurting, insecure heart through me? Well, God continued to teach me in this. Part of why I struggled was the little differences I noticed in how Sarah responded to me versus the other kids. A few months ago God impressed on me 1 John 4:19, "We love, because He first loved us." Wow! Do you see that? When God adopted us, He loved us FIRST and THEN we were able to love Him back. Is that not the same in earthly adoptions? The Truth really does always set you free : )

Reason 2:

We received a book from Lifesong for Orphans, after our adoption, called The Connected Child by Dr. Purvis. It is WONDERFUL! I highly recommend it. Here are three things we got from this book that have helped tremendously in perspective and pro-activity:

1. Time- Relationships take time. Don't expect too much too soon. Every time table is different. Patience, patience, patience and then some more.

2. Intentionality- It's no surprise that the newborn stage is vital to learning to trust and bonding. When that stage is missed, Dr. Purvis suggests recreating some of those important aspects of infancy, like, long periods of eye contact, skin on skin touching and one on one interacting. This was incredibly good for me in connecting with Sarah... loved it!!

3. Discipline- The first year Sarah was home I disciplined her the same way I did Emily. By the end of that first year, every time I disciplined, she was worse. We were doing a lot of "time-outs". Dr. Purvis says that "time-outs" can reinforce feeling separated, disconnected or unloved. Instead, we've tried her recommended "time-ins" the last few months. It's been a great success. We don't take Sarah to her room anymore when she misbehaves but now we sit her against a wall in close proximity to us where she is not isolated. I can't begin to tell you how much better this has worked for us!

All in All, I am madly in love with mi Princesa, Sarah! She is sweet, funny, kind, mild-natured, shy, and absolutely delightful! Sarah and I share so many intimate moments that are full of sheer joy! I am so thankful for the beauty God has created in our mother/daughter bond. God is so good and so faithful. He never ceases to teach me about His unfathomable grace! What privilege it is to experience the "shadow" of our spiritual adoption on this earth with my precious daughter from the heart.

Oh, and by the way, now BOTH my girls smile and squeal when I walk into the room... just ask the church nursery workers!!!

Home

2010-03-29T21:58:00.002-05:00

This past week has reminded me in so many ways of where "home" is and where it is not. Difficult situations, difficult relationships, saying goodbye to loved ones and losing heart over the loss of a dream.... all of these point to sin in this world in some form or other. In this world, there is so much that we fear, cling to, and desire in an attempt to satisfy, fulfill, or bring security. I'm sure if in our human minds we could truly grasp the brevity of life, we would not struggle. I've heard it said if we understood how short our lives were, we would live differently. I believe that, but not in the way most might think. I wouldn't necessarily do different things or say different things because "understanding" alone cannot take away my humanity. No, I believe it would result in less conflict between my spirit and my flesh.

To understand the reality of an 85 year life-span in light of eternity has to change anyone's perspective. I remember when I was facing giving birth for the 1st time and the terror I felt thinking about it. I would comfort myself with the thought... "it's ONE day, just one day. I can do anything for one day!"(yes, I understand some of you faced longer labor than 24hrs. but hang with me here, just using an average). I can't help but think our lives, defined in the Bible as a "vapor", could be compared to giving birth. In fact, I did not come up with anything new, the Bible describes waiting for the day of the Lord as labor pains.

There are so many people near and dear to me facing extreme trials testing their faith, endurance, and hope in Christ. My heart aches for them. Their suffering is real and it is awful and it can only be blamed by a fallen world. I pray for faith that "understands" in a godly way our "light and momentary" troubles. I pray for those suffering to have that faith too. That we would all hold one another up and march through this life with the joy set before us, awaiting the redemption of Christ in ALL it's fullness. Even creation groans for this coming day.

As always, the Lord teaches my innermost being in times of vulnerability and times of helplessness watching loved ones hurt. Amidst a study I'm doing on the last kings of Judah, I found myself in Romans 8. A favorite chapter for me personally on being adopted by the Father. The passage right after "receiving a spirit of adoption" kindled my heart. It is so good, I must share it with you.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

May we fear, cling to, and desire God Almighty instead of the temporal and lies this world offers. I don't know about you but I can't wait for the day when we all are finally HOME... forever!

Happy Birthday lil' Sunshine!!!

2010-03-10T08:28:00.007-06:00

Emily turned TWO today! She's gotten so big so fast...

We'll have a "Melmo" (Elmo) party with the family in a few days but opened a few presents this morning : ) The boys were more excited about her birthday than I think they are about their own... they crack me up! Zachary spent HOURS drawing pictures of Emily's favorite things and making her a picture book and Caleb wrapped almost all of Emily's presents. They both made precious cards for their littlest sister that I thought I'd share.... enjoy :)

( I like my sister because she is crazy and she plays games.)

( Dear Emily, Everybody just loves you so much! I can't believe you are already turning 2 years old! You are going to love all your presents! And also you are almost in preschool already! Love, Caleb )

The Upward Basketball Boys

2010-02-14T13:39:00.006-06:00

Daddy and his basketball boys!

Zachary and his team!

Caleb and his team!

The Gross boys are spending their Saturdays playing and coaching basketball. David coached Caleb his first two years and now he is coaching Zachary in his first year. We usually have a morning and afternoon game. Both boys really enjoy playing and the girls are their biggest cheerleaders!

A New Trend??

2010-02-06T17:41:00.003-06:00

...just in case you are bored of putting hair bands in your hair,

here's a new idea Miss Sarah came up with all on her own!

... and here's the preferred method.

Why I love orphans

2010-01-24T16:36:00.005-06:00

Five years ago my life was changed. God changed my view of Him. It was a time where I was forced to face whether I really believed who God said He was. It was a time of deep hurt, similar to how a spouse must feel when they are betrayed in marriage. The very people God had asked us to minister to were rejecting us or at least a certain group of people. I didn't understand.

How could we not be good enough? God was the One that called us to sacrifice our personal goals and futures to serve Him, to serve His Church. We didn't choose our path, we were just obeying. Wasn't that enough? Wasn't it enough to live each day in faith and love serving where the Lord had planted us? Why do His people require more than faithfulness? I began to question whether church leaders were right or whether God meant what He said that "His grace is sufficient in your weakness". I had always believed in child like faith that I didn't have to be talented, charismatic, or special to serve... I just obeyed what my Father said to do.

Sometimes, when you hurt, it comes out in anger. I definitely had moments of being angry and felt that God needed to "show Himself", maybe in lightening bolts?, and to bring justice to a situation that seemed completely opposite of what is true in His Word. I kept saying in my prayers, "Where ARE you God?". Because if I believed what certain voices were saying, then I couldn't also believe God was who He said He was. God was testing me. He was testing my faith.

At the same time this suffering in ministry was taking place, I had decided to go to an orphanage in Jamaica on a mission trip. It was early February of 2005.

Many of you know that this is where my love for the orphan began. However, what you may not know is why this was so spiritually life changing. It was there in Jamaica when the Lord finally spoke to me, showing me that it was in the least of these where I would FIND Him. He showed me that we are ALL orphans. And He showed me how much He loves the orphan... how much He loves the rejected, the lost, the untalented, the lame, the least, the unpopular, the unlovable. He showed me how much He loves me.

Not only does He love the least of these but that was actually how He chose to come to the earth as the Savior of the world. As a baby that was born in a stable.

I don't know why we continue to think we will find the face of Jesus in the great, the talented, the popular, the wealthy,... not that He doesn't exist among these too. But we forget too often what the Lord spoke to the prophet Samuel, so long ago. "for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1Sam.16:7)

I love that I serve a God like this... my heart melts in love for Him when I read these words. I love that I serve a God that would choose to come to the earth in a humble position. I love that I serve a God who purposely CHOOSES the rejected for great things. I love that I serve a God who loves orphans.

As I prepare for our upcoming orphan conference in February, God has prompted me to dwell on what He taught me just these few short years ago. These orphans are souls that need Jesus. These orphans represent the Father's great love for the rejected, the forsaken, the forgotten. These orphans remind me how much He loves me. I will press on with endurance as I consider the privilege it is to be sent on a quest by the King of all creation for a people that has captured His heart... possibly the most vulnerable of all the least of these, the orphan.

This is why I love the orphan.

If you are interested in coming to the orphan conference, visit www.connectingheartsconference.org

Calling all Adoption Prayer Warriors...

2010-01-14T14:43:00.003-06:00

....this prayer request will resound deep in the hearts of all you adoptive families. I received request for prayer today from a dear sister in Christ, Laurie Martin. I can only imagine what this sweet family must be feeling since the 1st news of the earthquake...

After waiting over two years for the completion of their Haiti adoption,
my sister Lisa, and her husband Roger, were planning to travel to Haiti
on Jan. 24-27 to hopefully finalize paper work. Please pray now for
their boy, Billy, and other orphans in Haiti. The initial report is
that the kids at his orphanage are OK, but one wall fell, hurting the
Nanny. This was prior to the aftershocks, and no one has been able to
get through since then.

Please pray also for wisdom and peace for Lisa and Roger in the coming
weeks. Also please pray for their two other adopted girls from Haiti,
Rebekah and Ruth, as they deal with concern and fear for the condition
of their birth parents. Both of these girls know Jesus, so pray that He
will comfort them as only He can.

Thanks so much. Lisa and Roger are pretty overwhelmed and would so
appreciate any prayers lifted up on their and Billy's behalf.

A few Christmas pics : )

2010-01-11T10:14:00.005-06:00

The girls were fighting over who would sit on my lap so the boys thought they'd make it even more interesting by trying to fit too....

Caleb and Zach decided to sleep on the floor between the 2 cribs on Christmas Eve.... hmmm, will we be able to get the girls to stay in the cribs all night with such an attraction on the floor??

Really, who eats popsicles on Christmas Eve before bed???

Emily's attempt at being a loving sister

Stanton grandkids... all ten of 'em ( 9,8,7,6,4,3, two 2s, & two 1year olds) WOW!

A special picture with Great Grandma "Mom"... she got all the "greats" reindeer antlers : )

Zach's favorite present... a real Link sword, well, sort of

Caleb's favorite present... a vibrating football game. And Mommy trying to learn?!

I'll have to add more pics later of the other side of the family after we get our camera back from the "shop". It was a wonderful Christmas!!

11 years

2009-12-19T20:22:00.003-06:00

I know I must be one of the luckiest women alive to be married to such an incredible man! We had a wonderful evening together(thanks to my sister's babysitting services!) and got to sleep in until 9am this morning!!! We took this pic to put in the frame David got me for our anniversary present. For years now, he has stuck to the "traditional" anniversary gifts beginning at year #5(our wooden anniversary) by getting me 5 red roses that were crafted from some type of soft wood and they actually looked real!! : ) Year #11 is the "steel" anniversary, so he got me a frame made of steel with the "11 reasons I love you" engraved on it. It was perfect!

Does God still do Miracles?

2009-12-06T18:00:00.002-06:00

YES! YES! YES! He does... If you haven't seen it on Fox news already, you absolutely must go to this blog to read about how an 11yr. old little girl raised over $20,000 in less than two weeks so their family could adopt a little down syndrome girl. Her heart and her faith will AMAZE you.... go to www.the30dayjourneyforhope.blogspot.com and start with the Nov.17, 2009 post. It all started when her parents challenged her to show "crazy love" (from the book Crazy Love) to others : )

Another adoption adventure!

2009-11-18T21:37:00.003-06:00

Nope not ours... so you can all exhale now : )

I'm gonna be signing off for a few days while I do some blogging elsewhere. Come on over and join me at www.thecoffmanfam.blogspot.com : ) Our friends just left today for Ethiopia to pick up their new daughter and son, Addis and Micah! I'm going to be posting for them as their internet access will be limited. They have a beautiful story and should be fun to follow the next 10 days : )

Logos Great Bible Giveaway

2009-11-15T14:18:00.002-06:00

Logos Bible Software is amazing. I use it for all of my teaching and preaching preparation. Enter for a chance to win an ultra premium Bible!

Logos Bible Software is celebrating the launch of their new online Bible by giving away 72 ultra-premium print Bibles at a rate of 12 per month for six months. The Bible giveaway is being held at Bible.Logos.com and you can get up to five different entries each month! After you enter, be sure to check out Logos and see how it can revolutionize your Bible study.

Has it really been a MONTH?!!

2009-11-11T16:22:00.007-06:00

Can't believe I haven't blogged in almost a month. Sarah has been sleeping well and we've really been doing well in the bonding area again. But let me tell you, we have been BUSY!! I know everyone's busy with life and schedules... just never tried to keep up with American standards of busyness with a two yr. old and an almost two yr. old before.

Thought I'd give you a reason to smile with Sarah's latest obsession... diapering ALL baby dolls and stuffed animals in the house(and apparently needing sunglasses to do it : )) Sarah also takes off her diaper and Emily's whenever we turn around.

Now, who could ever accuse this precious sweetheart of being a menace!! I PURPOSELY took this picture so that I could remember that she was sweet some of the time : ) Emily can climb out of ANYTHING.... high chairs, cribs , pack n plays, you name it! She especially likes to climb into Sarah's crib and wake her.... yeah, you can pray for me : )

Aren't these leaves gorgeous... I LOVE our street we live on in the Fall. The whole neighborhood is filled with beautiful grown Maples that decorate every inch of the ground with the most incredible colors of Autumn. I also loved watching my kids play in them!!

Seriously, when did he grow up...sniff,sniff??

This boy just makes me smile!

Beautiful... even when she holds a bright green sippy : )

Emily captures the spirit of innocent joy like no one else!

Bonding and Attachment in Adoption

2009-10-15T17:00:00.006-05:00

These 2 adoption words seemed fuzzy and ambiguous to me not too long ago... prior to bringing Sarah home. I think I thought it was a nice way of saying "loving your adopted child". Only after "the dream" became reality did these 2 words come sharply into focus for me.

Bonding and attachment are words that have as much meaning for the adoptive family as trying to describe the meaning of "grace" in a believer's life. Possibly because they both involve "trust and security".

I never even considered "bonding and attachment" to be an issue in our adoption... afterall, we were only adopting a baby. We brought Sarah home 6 weeks shy of her 1st birthday. She would quickly forget the orphanage and adjust to our home and probably never know any different.

After bringing Sarah home, we went through weeks and then months of Sarah adjusting and accepting us as Mommy and Daddy. I did expect that : ) We had several nights a week of what I would call "night-terrors"(screaming, pushing us away, fighting us, crying) for hours during the middle of the night. It was hard but I was ok... she just was scared. Those nights quickly became less and less frequent with occasional relapses.

In fact, we started doing so well, I really relaxed as it seemed Sarah was officially "adjusted". Wrong. It wasn't until I did some travelling this summer while David was in Romania that God started revealing to me the meaning behind the words "bonding and attachment". We had a set back on our trip that upset me more than I wanted to admit.

Since that set back(a sleepless night of screaming/crying comparable to her 1st weeks home), her sleeping issues have gone from bad to worse. Screaming as if "possessed" at every nap and bedtime and waking up every night with the same fits. The only part that has been better is that she does stop when we go and get her. However, she starts right back up if we leave. Thus a couple of very tired and exhausted parents.

A few nights ago, I was listening to one of her fits, paralyzed by what the right thing to do was and almost giving in to a meltdown myself. Something had to be done. Some have offered "it's just her personality" and some have suggested "it's just a phase". But none of those opinions have made sense to me or given me peace. I suppose because a mama just knows when something's not right with her baby.

As the Lord would have it, I received a phone call from a dear friend, who also is an adoptive mom. She heard my expressed concerns through different ears and suggested it was a bonding/attachment issue. Tears pricked my eyes as she continued talking and I felt confirmation that a piece of my Sarah's heart indeed is broken. This was comforting... the truth always is. It is comforting because when you understand something is broken, then you can start working on how to fix it.

There are so many kinds of "history" a child can have pre-adoption that affects him/her. And as unique as their history is, their own genetic make-up also determines how they will respond to that history. Each of my bio kids have individual personalities that we have to approach differently in parenting but with Sarah we have to approach her personality and how that personality responded to living in an orphanage with no sole provider for the 1st year of her life.

Seeing Sarah's broken heart is helping me have compassion when I didn't know I needed it. Seeing her heart is helping me be intentional about spending special Sarah time.... which is hard to do when there's another little needy toddler(Emily) trying to crawl up my leg. God is teaching me the importance of this trust and security in her life and how He wants to heal her through me. That I would love her like Christ so that she may one day be able to put that trust and security in the Savior of the World.

God has continued to reveal how my other 3 need that intentional showering of specific love too. But most of all, He's shown me how important my bonding and attachment to HIM is the only way I will be successful as a mom to ALL my children.

And would you believe after implementing these thoughts into action, we have had 2 FULL nights of sleep the last 2 days..... PRAISE the LORD!!!

Sarah's Birthday : )

2009-09-27T18:42:00.004-05:00

Sarah and her Dora cake!

My shy, introverted daughter cried when the whole family sang to her... but when it was just the 6 of us she danced and twirled in circles : )

This would be a picture of Sarah loaded down with her new toys running from Emily... ahh, welcome to the wonderful world of two year olds!

At least by the end of the night,
these two little sisters are best friends again and everything is right in the world of toddlers!

When Scandal hurts the Body of Christ

2009-09-17T10:30:00.002-05:00

I hope all of my bloggie friends will bear with me as I unburden my heart concerning a tragedy in the ministry of the Gospel. I have been in shock and absolutely heart broken over circumstances surrounding a ministry I was part of in my college years.

There was a scandal. There was sin. There was immeasurable hurt incurred to the innocent and hurt to even the one to blame.

I have taken this news rather hard. Maybe because of the evils of Satan .....but I've seen the devil's handiwork before. No, I think mostly because this place of ministry was SACRED to me. God used this ministry in the most tender time in my coming to know the Lord. I look at this time in my life with deep gratitude and love for my God in how He spoke so clearly in my life and changed me inside and out. The "guilty" one involved in the scandal, I knew personally. This person was part of what made that glorious "time" in my life so very poweful and effective. I would never and could never have believed any of this scandal to be true had this person not confessed.

I know many of you reading this are shaking your heads. You've been there before. Sadness, disappointment, anger, bitterness, cynicism, hurt.... all waiting to creep into the human heart.

In the midst of my grieving spirit over what has been lost, God has reminded me of what can be gained. We can learn and we can grow through these tragedies.

*We must always remember that we are all susceptable and capable of sin, even outrageous sin... "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." 1 Cor. 10:12

*We must be careful to never hold up a man/woman as God because we are all merely human... "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1Cor. 10:14

* We must remember God's sovereignty and His goodness. What satan intends for evil, God intends for good. "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, " Gen. 50:20.

Please pray for this unspoken ministry with me.... the ripple effect will be great. God go with my dear brothers and sisters that are picking up the pieces.

"Sorry, God"

2009-09-04T09:49:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, as we were leaving a friend's house, I asked the boys to get their shoes on and get in the car. They got their shoes on, went out the door, ran for the grass and started wrestling followed by a fight over the sliding door to our mini-van.

All the way home, my thoughts went from anger at my boys to guilt for being a "terrible" mom. I made them go to their rooms to get control of my emotions and to talk to the Lord and decide on how to handle their behavior.

Thankfully David walked in the door as I was feeling very drained. I vented my frustrations and he decided to "save the day" : )

He told the boys to draw instead of write what their behavior should have looked like and to draw how sorry they were to God for disobeying their mommy. It was WONDERUL!

So, the above drawing is by Zach. The 1st drawing is of him disobeying with the word NO and the second drawing is of him getting in the car with the word YES.... my favorite was the "sorr God". (Caleb's drawing was very good too, Zach's was just far more entertaining : )

What do I know of Holy?

2009-08-29T15:16:00.002-05:00

I like music. Especially worship. I don't spend a lot of time memorizing songs, upcoming artists, latest bands...etc. If it has good lyrics and a catchy beat, I'm good. But every once in a while there is a song that grabs my attention... you know, speaks to your soul. And then I can't get it out of my head or heart.

Well... a song by Addison Road recently did that to me. It's called "What do I know of Holy?" It is such an honest and raw admission to what many Christians' relationship with God is really like. And definitely speaks to ALL Christians on some level.

American Christianity is so confusing to me sometimes when I compare it to the Bible. And sure, no culture gets Christianity right.... we live in a sinful world. Still, in America, it seems that everything is so packaged, successful, scheduled, productive, programmed.....

I want to know God. I want to know Him and have Him be known.... that's it. I long to meet others who want to talk about Him like He is part of their day, that walk because He picks them up each day and carries them on. I tire of hearing how to "be" perfect and "do" perfect and "say" perfect. I am so incredibly flawed and many times find myself following along with everyone else picking myself up each day and willing myself through. No grace, no love... just condemnation and criticism.

I LIVE for those moments when God brings me to my knees. I LIVE for those moments that He lifts back the veil of His glory and allows me to gaze at His beauty. I LIVE for those moments when He reminds me of my sin and the ONE who took it away.

In a world that idolizes perfection in every way, my prayer is not to be perfect. I pray for humility. I pray that when He touches me I will know Him. I pray that when He looks in my eyes I will behold Him. I pray to KNOW Holy.

End of an Era

2009-08-20T14:50:00.002-05:00

FIRST day of school.... LAST day of a house full of boys
I can't believe the days of being at home with my little guys are over! Zachary was MORE than ready for Kindergarten but not ME! Yes I am excited about raising my two little girls with undivided attention but really, how did the last 8 yrs. go so fast?? I haven't broken down yet, but it may be coming : ) Despite my sadness in saying goodbye to days of old.... aren't these 2 brothers cuter than all get out? Sorry, the mommy in me can't help thinking how sweet it is that they are at school TOGETHER : )

Hugs to all the other mommies out there fighting back those tears!!

Dolls for Sarah

2009-08-13T13:25:00.008-05:00

Sarah received a mysterious gift bag at church this week filled with these Guatemalan dolls! There was a precious note inside explaining that these dolls were given to this mysterious person by their grandmother after travelling to Sarah's birth country. The note ended with the author's hope that these dolls would be special to Sarah. I can definitely say they are already special to her and I am confident they will only increase in value to Sarah as she gets older!! What an incredible treasure and what an incredibly kind and sacrificial gift!! THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS PERSON from the bottom of our hearts!!!!
She is so beautiful, I sometimes find myself just staring at her : )

She's learning the word "CHEESE"!!

Never a time when there aren't kisses for Caleb!

Finally home...

2009-08-04T13:58:00.011-05:00

David's back from Romania and we're home from all our visiting relatives : ) It feels so good to be back! Here's a few pics from the last week.....

Emily thinks she's so big in this swing....

I LOVED this backdrop

Couldn't get Sarah to pose on the swing, she much preferred the John Deere tractor

As usual, Sarah doing things the RIGHT way and Emily, well... let's just say she's creative : )

Zachary's pro swing at croquet

Caleb waiting on everyone to finish

One of the midwest's ONLY redeeming qualities...

SWEET CORN!!

Sarah's first corn on the cob

Emily's 1st too... both girls seemed to enjoy the cob more than the corn, go figure!

Caught in the act! Would you just look at these guilty faces?

Besides, who said bathtubs were meant for bathing anyway??

Happy Forever Family Day!!!

2009-07-29T01:00:00.001-05:00

One year ago today... she became ours forever!

And today.... it's hard to imagine there ever was a time she wasn't ours!

There seem to be no words and yet thousands of words to somehow conclude what the last year has been like with Sarah home. I've spent the last week being very nostalgic and emotional as I've thought endlessly about just one year ago.

So much has happened since then... everything's changed so much and yet so much has not.

We went to the Embassy one year ago today to legally commit to caring and providing for Sarah. I would have died for her I loved her so much. The crazy part is we loved her and didn't even know her.

I'm sure that sounds very sweet and romantic... and very true.

However, for all our commitment, our agape love, and romantic notions... you come home with a child from another country that you have pretty much NO relationship with. And day after day, week after week, month after month from that day on you learn about each other. We learned about her and she learned about us. Sometimes it was pure joy... other times it was confusing and hard. And that went for both Sarah and us : )

The relationship is what has changed.

Our relationship with Sarah has changed from committed, agape love with all kinds of romantic fantasies to a relationship based on that same love with the addition of knowledge. That SWEET, FAMILIAR knowledge. Knowledge like where the perfect spot on her belly is that makes her squeal with giggles, or that knowledge that when I pick her up from the nursery, she's going to run to me, nestle her face into my shoulder and take deep breaths, smelling me like I was a flower. That knowledge that when I turn my back, she's going to take a bite out of her sister's arm : ) Or that knowledge when I ask her for a kiss, she'll lean forward with the most adorable puckered lips you've ever seen.

Our relationship with God is what hasn't changed.

He's still there. When things were unfamiliar for all of us, He was familiar. When things seemed confusing and unsettling, He was the same. When fears clouded our hearts, He was perfect peace. He is what stayed constant from that 1st relationship we had with Sarah via pictures on email to the real relationship we had with Sarah as we came to know her in the flesh. (Although I must say how much joy I've found going back through pictures from the orphanage and seeing Sarah's expressions and with confidence being able to say, ah, I finally recognize that expression... looking at them and knowing which pictures showed her sad face, her overwhelmed face, her content face, her scared face...)

Sarah has changed and so have we.

Sarah is exceedingly more confident, happy, physically developed, bold, expressive and loving than 1 year ago. She absolutely loves her daddy, mommy, brothers and sister fiercely and has grown by leaps and bounds in her ability to trust. Until our recent travelling, she hadn't had sleep issues since April, which has been a huge blessing and a tell tale sign of her great adjustment in bonding and attachment.

We are exceedingly more attached and bonded to Sarah as our precious daughter than 1 year ago. I simply cannot fathom life without my Sarah and am daily filled with joy by her sweet, adorable little person. I thank God for completing my love for Sarah with such fond and consuming affection that every mother feels for her children!

So many changes and yet so much the same. Thank you Lord!!

If you'd like to take a peek back in history, click on the link below to see our Adoption video in tribute to our FIRST Forever Family Day!!

http://thegrossfam.blogspot.com/2008/12/our-adoption-video.html

We miss you Daddy!!

2009-07-25T14:32:00.005-05:00

...but boy are we having fun at Grandma and Grandpa's!!

The girls were crazy about the trampoline... you can see they were really getting the hang of it : )

Emily's big cheese

Sarah getting some love from the boys!

Adios Papa!

2009-07-22T10:25:00.002-05:00

David leaves today for Romania and will be gone for almost 2 weeks : ) We are excited to see what God will do through him and the rest of the team heading off to serve at a youth camp and also visit an orphanage... I'm a little envious : )

If you are interested in following the team while they're there, you can read up on their trip at www.romania-now.blogspot.com

These 4 munchkins are sure gonna miss their daddy and so is this espousa!! We'll see you soon Daddy! We love you!!

Warriors for Christ

2009-07-16T16:18:00.005-05:00

I've always been more concerned with a rebellious heart than a rebellious behavior... which is good considering my youngest son is prone to being rough around the edges : ) I love this picture of my boys at Walt Disney World. Maybe because it makes me smile at how rambunctious they can be .... but I think mostly because I like to think their outward energy will one day be reflected in their fight for their faith.

God has been really teaching me these past few weeks about boldness in our faith. Straight out evangelism! Oh, I thoroughly enjoy the natural relationships in my life and how God uses those to share the Good News in my everyday conversations. But I mean taking EVERY person you encounter during your day and allowing the gospel to be illuminated. Not Bible-beating. But not just "niceties" either. Sometimes I think we Christians think we are being "Salt and Light" just by not acting irritated in the check out lane at Walmart. I'm talking ACTIVELY being sensitive to God's leading in EVERY conversation and EVERY encounter.

I went on a week trip with the Youth this past week where we did street evangelism... it was fun, amazing and pure joy to see God at work. God also has brought a Mormon teen girl into our youth program through one of our high schoolers. This has been incredible too... watching this young girl AND her mother truly seeking TRUTH! But what has made me pause the most at the glory of God lately is one of my two "warriors for Christ".

Our neighbors have a daughter that lives in Hong Kong with her husband and 2 children teaching at a university. The daughter and her family come home each summer to spend time with their families. The boys LOVE having kids to play with next door. Especially Zachary.

Recently, Zach was swinging with Rita(6) on our swingset in the backyard. I was on the deck with the girls while Zach and the neighbor"s daughter and grandchildren played. I heard Zach say out of no where...

ZACH: "Hey, Rita, do believe in God?"

RITA: "no"

ZACH: "You mean you don't even know who God is??"

RITA: "no"

ZACH: "But Rita, You HAVE to believe in God! He is the most Highest God and He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins!"

RITA: giggled(probably because of his over the top zeal : )

ZACH: "What!?! You think it's a joke? It's NOT! It's true! God is real!"

And then the next night, we were headed to bed and Zach says to me with his hands both up for a high 10.....

ZACH: " Touchdown, Mom, I got a touchdown today"

Me: "How did you get a touchdown Zachary?"

ZACH: "I asked Rita today, 'Do you want to go to Heaven or Hell?' And she said, 'Heaven' . Sooo, TOUCHDOWN!!"

Wow.... nothing like being challenged by your own children!! I'm so grateful for my little warriors : )

Being Ordained...

2009-06-30T10:07:00.007-05:00

I haven't been very diligent with posting lately, so thanks for hanging in there bloggy friends : ) Well, David was ordained a pastor this weekend! Being ordained after 15 years of ministry is different than most ordinations since most pastors go through this process after Bible college/Seminary. But Dave was never officially ordained at that point in his life, so our church elders and pastors pursued ordaining him. Dave went through a very thorough process and was affirmed in his calling to youth ministry on Saturday. And Sunday night, the church held a BEAUTIFUL service that left both of us inspired, challenged and renewed in our passion for God and His Church. It probably held deeper meaning for us at this stage in our life than it would have for David right out of college.... the trials, challenges, joys and sorrows of loving God's Bride, we already know them and yet still love His Church and want to serve God and His people as long as He wants us in this position. We were overwhelmed by how many came to share this special evening with us and by the wonderful reception afterwards. A HUGE thank you to all who made that night so meaningful!

A few of the kids went out to Carl's afterwards for some ice cream with us : )

It's a terrible picture, but here's a look at the scrapbook I put together of letters written by many of Dave's past and present youth group kids and sponsors. Thanks to Facebook, I was able to reconnect with quite a few people from over the years!! Dave enjoyed these letters IMMENSELY!! They are more affirmation to him than about anything else of God's faithfulness in His ministry. So THANK YOU to all who took time to be part of this!!

Overall, we had a fantastic weekend! To God be ALL the glory!

Vacation Pics: Part I

2009-06-17T09:25:00.011-05:00

Breakfast at Chick-fil-A: 5:30am(our time), 15 hrs. on the road, 4 hrs. to go!! My cousin Wendy lives in Valdosta, GA.... so we met for breakfast there before we pushed through the last part of the drive. It was so much fun to catch up with her and the kids!

Sarah with her Cheer Bear

Emily looking a little rough after a long night in the car : )

The boys had a great time hanging out with Nolan in the Chick-fil-A playland! (plus, they got to go in their pjs!!)

Me and Wendy and all the kids : )

First day at the resort:

The kids LOVED the whirlpool tub!

Sarah cracking up at her goofy Dad

Sportin' the "sales pitch" hats!

Funny story... The 1st morning we were there we had to go to a time share sales pitch. We were dreading it, knowing the kids would be miserable. It actually was pretty entertaining as they gave out all kinds of free stuff( hats, beach balls..) and they even brought out mini cakes for each of the boys' recent b-days. When we were walking back to our room afterwards the boys said, " Mom, Dad, this is the BEST vacation ever!!"

The Beach:

The girls were so funny at the beach... just once again revealing their polar opposite personalities.

Sarah is our princess. She barely would get her feet wet, constantly brushing the sand off of her, refused to sit on the ground and would only squat down to play with the sand toys. She was completely content to just watch everyone else.

Emily on the otherhand was crazy. She was covered in sand the entire day, throwing it, digging in it, running into the water and thoroughly enjoying the waves crash into her. It was a perfect place for this adventurous, curious 1 yr.old to wear herself out : )

The boys had a blast!! They loved trying to "surf" the waves on their bellies. They didn't even complain when it came time to eat pb&js on the beach... I pretty sure we got sand with every bite : )

Daddy and Caleb

Baseball... even at the beach!

Zachary was so excited that someone in Florida named a restaurant after him!

VACATION

2009-06-11T14:10:00.002-05:00

I'm not as excited to post about vacation without pictures but.... our camera was stolen the 1st day we were in Florida. We did get some pictures but it was with our SLR and a few on Dave's mom's digital, so pictures will have to wait : (

We had an AMAZING time!! I tried really hard not to have expectations, realizing we were taking two 1yr. olds and we were going to have to drive 18 hrs. Whew!!! Let me tell you, it was a haul : ) But after arriving and getting a good night's sleep in, things were great!!

We didn't do anything spectacular. We went to the beach 1 day and went mini-golfing 1 of the evenings but the rest of the time we just stayed put. We rested, relaxed and got a LOT of use out of the swimming pool!! The place we stayed at was great because I could cook all of our meals right there!

Honestly, the best part was having Dave all to ourselves! Ministry can be very consuming and it felt heavenly to have all of his attention for 7 days straight : )

Zachary celebrated his GOLDEN birthday, # 6, at Walt Disney World at the end of our time in Orlando. We were able to just take the boys for their special Disney day thanks to Dave's mom and sister. Dave's mom took his sister and niece on a mini-vacation in Orlando the same time as us in order to come over for the day to watch the girls.... we are so THANKFUL!! It also turned out that the girls rode on Grandma's and Aunt Chris' laps on the plane ride home.... again THANKFUL!! (Especially since we ended up with a flat tire on the way home!)

I'll share some pics the next time I make it to Walmart's film developer :) Overall, one of the best memories I have of our family and so grateful to God for giving us that sacred time together! Hope everyone is able to take time to make special memories with their families this summer.... in a world that competes with the survival and sanctity of families, I urge all families to take time away and invest in something of eternal value... EACH OTHER!!

A Moment to Remember

2009-05-29T09:38:00.004-05:00

Today is the one year anniversary of meeting Sarah for the FIRST TIME!! It was approximately 4pm and a moment that will never fade in my memory.... absolutely life-changing! After 8 months of studying every inch of her on a computer screen and tracing each feature of her face on a photo in my hand, LONGING to touch her.... she became REAL!!

Today also marks 10 months home which is the same amount of time she spent apart from us in the orphanage. I would have to write a book to describe what the last 10 months of Sarah being home has been like! She has grown and changed and BLOSSOMED into a distinct, precious, and permanent part of our family. She is a Daddy's girl for sure, a Mommy's helper and snuggler, a best friend for Emily, and she is ADORED by her brothers!! Praise God for the GREAT things He has done!!

Restorer of my soul

2009-05-19T16:57:00.009-05:00

What do we think of each other??

Still asking that question... 9 mos. later : )

One of the biggest blessings of these unnatural "twins" is

how they make each other giggle!!

I just recently noticed that I always put Sarah on the left and Emily on the right whether it's the high chairs, carseats or cribs... crazy but I'm told by mommies of "twins" this is normal.

Mothering Moments in Adoption:

Been trying to to keep up with my mother's "paychecks" and had a good one to share about SARAH!

"Often times we take for granted special things or special moments because they are familiar and natural. For instance, the way I've always held my babies to comfort them. We're talking hours and hours over the last 8 yrs. spent standing and bouncing with my babies cradled inward, tummy to tummy, their tiny heads resting in the crook of my arm against my chest and their legs straddling my other arm.

When Sarah came home, she didn't want to be cradled, it made her scream. She only allowed us to hold her up on our shoulders or sitting in our laps facing outward. A few months home, she allowed me to sit with her on my lap and rock her.... it was like heaven!

Today, Sarah woke too early from her nap and I thought, "oh, if only I could get her back to sleep!" Without really processing what I was doing, I took her in my arms and cradled her just like my other three and started gently bouncing. She just looked up at me so peacefully and her eyes slowly closed. There was no screaming, no fighting... just a daughter resting in her mother's arms.

The strange part is I don't remember ever holding any of the other 3 this way after they turned one or entered toddlerhood. But I will never forget looking down at my sweet, brown-faced cherub nestled against my chest, an almost 2 yr. old and in that one moment, sensing that God had somehow restored the 10mos. of Sarah's life we had lost. Because in that moment, she was that newborn I never held, that infant I never snuggled, that baby I missed who now so naturally belonged in this mommy's arms."

"He restores my soul" Psalm 23:3

Right before my eyes...

2009-05-15T12:06:00.004-05:00

.... my little boys grew up in one evening!

Big things have happened the last couple weeks that make this mama proud, sad, happy and a little nostalgic!

First....

Caleb turned 8 yrs old!!

Second...
Zachary had his end of the year program for Cubbies(AWANA). He got to LEAD the group in saying the pledge of allegiance. If you've known Zach very long, you would know that not too long ago he could barely keep eye contact with someone longer than 2 seconds. Watching him stand out in front holding the flag, starting on cue, and then walk directly back to his place on stage (without doing flip flops or fall to the ground in a super hero move) was HUGE !!! I was blown away that night by how much he's grown, how much he's matured and so humbled that God could take my flawed parenting and still grow up this precious son of mine!

Thirdly....
Well, this one takes the cake for me! Just 2 years ago I stood outside of the sanctuary of Caleb's pre-school during his Christmas program with a 5 yr. old that was absolutely beside himself with fear. There was clinging and sobbing of desperation to not even step foot inside the door to watch his classmates on stage.

Here is a video of Caleb 2 wks. ago at his spring concert standing on stage in front of at least 200 people telling knock-knock jokes( he's the one on the left ). Proud isn't even a fitting word for the feeling I had watching my son overcome the greatest fear in his life... being in front of others.

How did each of my boys grow up like that in one evening for me?? I don't know. But seeing God's hand on them is reward enough for me for a lifetime!!

Sooo "Needy"

2009-05-03T14:44:00.003-05:00

I'm not ashamed to say I'm a "needy" person. I am. Fifteen yrs. ago I also was "needy" . Then, I needed from relationships (like friends, a boyfriend, or my parents) to provide me with security, worth, love, affirmation, encouragement,etc. My state of being seemed to hinge on the acceptance of others. Today, I still NEED those exact same things. But I need and receive them differently.... all of my identity and worth comes from my Father God and that's where I rest.

Just this past week I wrote in my journal(after a physically, emotionally and spiritually draining week... who am I kidding?... how about a month) that I really "needed" for Him to touch me, to show me in His divine way, His faithfulness and His love in a personal way. I feel most at home with my Lord in that genuine vulnerability because I know how He loves His children to come to Him in their weakness.

I knew He would answer me and reassure my spirit because He has ALWAYS been faithful. The question for me comes with "when?" and "how?"

The very next day He revealed Himself in personal way by answering a prayer request that I've prayed for 3YEARS!! But He didn't stop there, nope, 2 days after that, I was convicted in Sunday school that Dave and I need to be more intentional about spending time together alone for the strength of our marriage. But honestly, I thought "how?" We don't have time or $$, if you know what I mean : ) Anyway, not 5 minutes after class, a friend and sister in Christ held out a beautiful gift bag to me explaining God had been burdening her heart for me. What?? Really??

I opened the card and my eyes filled with tears as I realized God was revealing Himself yet AGAIN to me in a very personal way. The card and bag was filled with opportunity for Dave and I to go out together that included babysitting!! It also contained treats for me that were so perfect I know the Lord must have whispered the ideas right into her head. I felt so very loved by this blessed woman but EVEN MORE filled with LOVE for my Savior. He didn't have to give me a gift bag or an answered prayer, I just was so thankful that He chose to touch me and remind me of His everlasting love!

I'm so glad I serve a God who loves His "needy" children!

$16 or 16 cents

2009-04-27T20:05:00.002-05:00

Zachary could barely sleep last night as he awaited his "garage sale". He decided yesterday that having a garage sale was THE answer to getting money to ... 1.) help fix cousin Sam's guitar hero drumset(that he broke) and 2.) help best friend Carter get his siblings home from Ethiopia(their story is at www.thecoffmanfam.blogspot.com)

He told me he was going to sell his toys for $16 or 16cents.... but after much persuasion, he agreed to write on his sign 25 cents : )

His grand total for the day after sitting outside for close to 3 hrs. was 26 cents!!! Our neighbor took pity on him and gave him a quarter and then Zachary found a penny on the ground.... he was absolutely delighted by his smashing success!

Tribute to My Beautiful Wife and Mommy to Our Children

2009-04-18T21:15:00.003-05:00

Marianne usually posts on our blog but I (David) thought I would share a few words of appreciation for my beautiful wife and uncomparable mommy to our children. I had the unique privelege of being the caretaker for our 4 children all day today while Marianne was at our church's women's conference. Let me just say to my wife (and all other stay at home moms out there) . . . you are amazing!!!

I started my weekend (before Marianne actually left) taking all 4 kids to a track meet of one of our Sr High youth group girls to watch her throw shot and disc. This was an uneventful couple of hours as the girls sat calmly in their stoller chomping on Ritz crackers while the boys were engulfed watching Shawnee compete. Next, we all went to McDonalds and played at the playland to kill some time before supper. Once again, the kids had a great time as Sarah and Emily took turns letting the boys help navigate them through the labyrinth of tubes until they descended down the slide together with smiles on their faces. With Marianne rejoining us for supper we spent the rest of the evening watching the animated movie Bolt laughing hilariously together at the goofy little hampster who was so passionate about being Bolt's sidekick.

As morning came and Marianne left I was on my own to keep the children alive. Before lunch Caleb watched a college girls softball game on TV (if it involves a sporting competition Caleb will watch it), Zachary was guiding his favorite Nintendo character Link through an icy land, Emily was napping, and Sarah was organizing juice boxes around the room downstairs while I worked a bit on bills. After lunch Caleb went with his friend Matthew to play a little baseball, Sarah and Emily napped, while Zach and I spent some time outside cleaning up the yard and planting some grass. Once the girls woke up we headed to Caleb's school carnival where we wandered the halls for three hours playing home made carnival games that the boys loved because they got a piece of candy just for stepping into the room. Once again, the girls were content the entire time with their Ritz crackers while observing all the people that we walked by. For supper, I ran a little short on money so I had to ask the lady serving food if I could buy a Torpedo sandwich with $.03 short of the $4.00 it cost for the sandwich (we're poor, I'm not ashamed to beg). This was AFTER we all went to the car to look for any spare change we could find to make up the difference between the $3.50 I had in my wallet and the $4.00 it cost to buy one crazy sandwich. Coming up 3 measly pennies short (can you believe it?), I had the boys looking on the ground for pennies or a nickel while we conceived the plan of begging for a sandwich with $3.97 on our way back into the school building. All that effort to feed all 4 children with one 6 inch Torpedo! Once at home we topped off everyone's belly, took baths and showers, and right now as far as I can tell everyone is peacefully asleep.

No disasters, no major crying fits, no trips to the hospital, no hungry children, just a normal busy day around the house. I do not say any of this in order to pat myself on the back but rather to say thank you to my wife for doing THIS every single day of her life! No time outs, no substitute, no vacation, no backup plan, no calling in sick, no "I don't feel like it today", no "I'm just gonna sleep in", no "I give up", and sadly . . . very little appreciation. The job of a mother is never ending and children definitely do not offer willingly their gratitude . . . instead, most of the time, it's an attitude. The job of a mother is irreplaceable . . . I can't explain why children usually cry, beg, ask questions, and tattle to mommy, but ironically I think it has something to do with how much they adore and love you. The job of a mother is monotonous . . . the repitition with food and diapers alone is enough to drive a person crazy, and yet I'm sure the smile you recieve after each little need is met manages to keep you going. The job of mother is selfless . . . you'd think after all the times you put eveyone else's needs first somebody would return the favor, but that's not why you do it, you do it because there is nothing else on earth you would rather do. The job of mother is life . . . it seems unfathomable that THIS is to be the substance of your life, and yet what could possibly be more ETERNALLY significant than being there moment by moment to walk your children ever closer to a relationship with Christ. The job of mother is hard . . . and I am so glad that you do it with a joy filled heart every day!

So, for all the days and weeks and months and years that I have not shown adequate praise and thanks for all you do to be a blessing to me and our children I say . . . THANK YOU!!! Your self-sacrifice and servanthood are deserving of so much more than I could ever express. My prayer is that God will fill you with an internal satisfaction and joy as you spend each and every day with the little blessings He has entrusted us with. May He grant you strength and energy to persevere during the times when you don't think you can't do it any more. May He remind you each day that there truly is no better job on earth than being a MOTHER!

I Love You

Easter dresses, eggs and wars??

2009-04-14T16:44:00.011-05:00

All dressed up:

Best pic of the bunch....

I wanted one of just the kids but the girls are too wiggly!

What would family pictures be like if everyone was cooperative??

The hunt:

Once they saw the eggs, there was no holding them back for pictures : )

Sarah graciously stole ( I mean "helped carry" ) Emily's basket for her. Emily didn't seem to care as long as she still got to chuck the eggs into someone's basket.

Purses, bags, Easter baskets... Sarah's your girl!

EGG WARS!!!

FYI: Egg Wars are a family tradition started on my Dad's side and a tradition my boys now look forward to more than the famous Easter egg hunt. Everyone gets a colored hard-boiled egg, usually personalized with their name, and the games begin. You basically get 2 chances with each egg since there are 2 ends of the egg. You challenge someone to an egg war by smacking one end of your egg to the other person's egg.... only 1 egg will crack. The person whose egg cracks, flips their egg to the other side and they try again. Eventually there is one egg left with no cracks.... and that is your WINNER!

Grandma Laurie lost with her first challenge to Caleb.

Zach and Daddy battling it out!

Sadly, G'ma Mom's egg didn't make it past round one....

Caleb was our Easter 2009 egg war winner!

( If the winner was anyone else but one of my kids, I would have contested since Grandpa Chip and Daddy conspired against me and made me drop mine on the floor!)

Hope everyone had a beautiful day remembering the Lord and celebrating His victory from the grave!!

Mothering Moments and Cutie Booties

2009-04-07T15:55:00.008-05:00

Cutest little booties...

with their faces pressed against the glass watching Daddy go to work!

I really don't like this picture because I don't like the color of my walls at night(artificial lighting), I really only like this color during the day. Anyway, I wanted to show off our newest project : )

This is our "Family Wall". The chalkboard in the middle is for our family devotions at dinner and the 4 bulletin board frames are for each of the kids' mothering moments. Let me explain.

When I went to a Hearts at Home conference a few wks ago, I ran across this idea of "recognizing, recording, and remembering" mothering moments. The speaker had an example at her booth of a pretty picture frame made into a bulletin board. On the bulletin she had a picture her child had drawn, a picture of the child, a prayer request from the child and a "mother's paycheck"(just a cute way of saying a story or quote of your child on a pretty index card). And of course there were cute ribbons and embellishments of the scrapbooking sort : )

So with my husband's inspiration about the chalkboard for family devos, I added the 4 frames. The cool thing is that the same week we decided to do this, I got an email from the conference speaker saying I WON a packet of 50 "Mother's Paychecks" from her booth! I took this as affirmation : )

Here's an example from one of my paychecks:

Zachary has been working on self control when he doesn't get his way. This morning I told him to get his church clothes on and he proceeded to throw a tantrum. It did not last long but as I was buttoning his dress shirt, he said in a very calm voice,

"Mommy, I was really angry with you when you told me I had to get dressed, but now that I'm getting my clothes on, I feel like all my sins are washed away!"

Have a blessed week!

With much love, Marianne

Spring Break Fun

2009-03-26T16:39:00.005-05:00

Thanks to Leslie, the kids have their shades for the summer!

Caleb found a bunch of Dave's old hats in storage(no idea why he's kept them) and had fun piling them on his head insisting on a picture for the blog... that's kinda scary when your kids are thinking about posts for the blog too : )

We were blessed by a visit from yet another "youth group" couple that is all grown up now with a young family of their own. What a strange sight to see former youth group kids' kids playing with your own!!! Thanks for the fun time Drew and Jessica!!

Oh my.... Sarah and her babies. If you've spent any time with us recently, you know how much Sarah loves babies. It can be a stuffed animal to a plastic doll. But oh my goodness did Sarah ever have a special treat this week! Little 5wk. old Clara Faith was a REAL baby and Sarah LOVED her!! She would've held Clara ALL day.... seriously! She was very upset when anyone would try to take Clara away... melt your heart precious!

Emily's been taking steps for several weeks and is even toddling around quite a bit. The fact that we are FINALLY getting pictures of this big milestone is evidence of being the 4th child in the family... oops! I'll post a video soon : )

Hope everyone else is enjoying their spring breaks too!!

And the Gospel will be taken to India....

2009-03-19T10:35:00.004-05:00

This is Neil and Courtney. A young couple making big decisions with humble hearts for the Lord. They are in process of preparing and fundraising for the call God has placed on their lives. They will being ministering to one of the largest unreached people groups in the world... an upper caste called the Brahmins(sp?).

We had them over for dinner the other night as they were hitting the fundraising trail and listened to the dynamics and details of their future ministry. I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed by the joy of seeing these two make tough, costly decisions in order to follow their Savior. I felt almost motherly(although I am much too young to be their mother, lol) with the surge of pride I felt in their precious faith.

You see, as I looked across the table at this godly young man with his amazing wife, I couldn't help reflect on how (for me) just a few short years ago he was but a high school student in our youth group. Even then his faith was more like the maturity of a seasoned man of God. What a joy to see the Lord work in someone's life through such pivotal years of their life. We are certain Neil would have become the man he is without us being part of his life but we are so thankful the Lord allowed us to be part of it anyway. And we are so thankful that God allowed us to know Courtney now through him too. Thank you for the blessing of being able to call you friends!

We are excited to watch the Good News brought to India through you two, Neil and Courtney!! All our love and prayers will be following you there!
*If you'd like to find out more about Neil and Courtney, you can find them at www.neilandcourtney.blogspot.com

Baby Dedication and more b-day pics...

2009-03-13T15:40:00.010-05:00

I have to say I've never been so emotional during a baby dedication as I was for these two daughters of mine. I couldn't help feel all the intensity of prayer, fears, and anguish well up in the depths of my soul as I remembered how God brought us through journeys of faith, both painful and costly, to this very day. It felt much different releasing my daughters to the Lord when they were physically in my arms than the many months and years of offering them to the Lord on my knees empty handed. They are HIS!! They were then and they are now, but I'm so thankful for the privilege to care for them and love them for however long He gives.

A special prayer...

... for a special day!

I was so glad so many from our family could be there! Dave's mom, my mom, my grandma, my dad and Dave's sister.... oh, and of course our boys!!

Birthday girl in her birthday dress : )

We let her stick her hands in the cake for her first bite and she only stuck a couple fingers in, even I was surprised by her "daintyness ".

1st big girl car seat ride

Don't you love her alfalfa sprout??

Everybody helping Emily open her grocery cart : )

( If you're curious about Sarah's pacifier... interesting thing, one day Sarah found an old pacifier from when we first brought Emily home and she stuck it in her mouth. Well, now she loves it. She sleeps with it for every nap and bedtime... it's so funny to me!!

Happy 1st Birthday Emily Anne!!

2009-03-10T08:26:00.003-05:00

We had a family birthday party at the church after the baby dedication on Sunday. It was a fun afternoon and a special weekend dedicating the girls. I'll post more pics in a couple days of all the festivities : ) This video is us singing "Happy Birthday" to our little sunshine. Poor Sarah missed out on most of the afternoon because she was coming down with something and terribly tired and ended up just laying in someone's lap while all the kids played : (

In Emily fashion, eating her cake! (take note of her feet)

Needed: 24 hr. break for tired mommy

2009-03-05T11:12:00.003-06:00

Anyone else's kids do this?? Every time I turn around the boys are taking every pillow in the house and making a huge pile to play in.... with or without the girls. At the expense of everyone thinking my house is a constant disaster considering my latest posts, they seemed fitting to describe why I'm in need of a break. No, my house isn't always like this but it may explain to many of my friends why it may seem I've fallen off the face of the earth : ) My family is truly my life, not because I'm trying to make it a priority, it just IS!!! They demand all of me in this season we're living.

I love it... REALLY! I'm so thankful for my kids and don't take them for granted after all that God has taught me the last few years. But honestly, I'm tired. Not complaining... just a fact. The last few weeks I told David I don't want to fast forward or skip ahead, I'm very content where we are.... just could use a break, you know, the kind of break most people get in a regular job. Yep, no such guarantee in the mommy business.

Ah, but the Lord knows what we need even before we ask! There's a marriage conference at our church this weekend..... just a Fri. evening and Sat. morning thing. But praising God for my mother-in-law who has agreed to watch the kids the whole time and even is keeping them overnight for us! It may not be a whole 24hrs. but it is a break! Thank you LORD!!!

DOUBLE TROUBLE!

2009-02-26T10:06:00.022-06:00

Seriously, I left the girls for a couple minutes to throw in a load of laundry. They were trying on all our shoes at the side door behind the gate when I left them. When I got up the stairs, I saw the door to my tupperware cabinet open and Sarah sitting on the floor holding a couple lids looking at me like, "What? I didn't do this!"

I was about to shut the door to the cabinet to go find what Emily had gotten into when I suddenly saw Emily INSIDE the cabinet smiling so VERY proud of herself!! I was cracking up... as she was obviously the "mastermind" behind this scheme.

They were having so much fun, like any good mother, I grabbed my camera and sat down on the floor and enjoyed a very entertaining show : )

Sarah started getting more brave about reaching into the cabinet now that it was apparent little sister Emily wasn't getting in trouble.

You would think they were reaching for GOLD!

Emily was constantly throwing me smug smiles of satisfaction!

.... and a wave here and there!

Sarah wouldn't give me the time or day no matter what kind of circus I put on to get her to smile for me!

I truly think Emily thought she could climb through the back of the cabinet.

Almost all the goods have been thrown on the floor now...

... but wait, "what's this for, Mom?"

Better climb back in just to give it one more look!

FINALLY... got a cheese from Sarah

Emily didn't know what do with all the great toys she was finding!

I think this thing is completely cleaned out.

After all their hard work, they enjoy all their treasure at last!

Moral of the story: Never underestimate what two 1yr.olds can accomplish together!!!

**Not to forget about the boys......We got a chance to take Caleb and Zach to an ISU b-ball game with their cousins thanks to some free tickets from friends and aunt Chris' willingness to watch the girls!!

Zach slept through the whole second half and only woke up for double overtime.... didn't know it then, but he had strep!

Caleb and cousin Alex

... and the rest of the gang, Sam, Joe and Abby : )

It was fun night!

Bathtime memories

2009-02-20T15:17:00.013-06:00

**I'm tired of COLD!!!! ....changing my blog design just made me feel better : ) Besides, busy little bees only seemed fitting for the season of life we're living right now... although destructive tornados might be a better description for my two almost one yr. olds!!!! **

As far as bathtime memories.... the smell of a clean baby lathered up in Baby Magic and the vision of my little ones wrapped up like small papooses is a favorite and something I aimed to capture over the years with all my kids.... these years just go WAY too fast!!

My first little papoose

Caleb 2001

Little papoose #2

Zachary 2003

My girly papooses : )

Sarah and Emily 2009

These pics are taken right outside our bathroom door. I lay their towels on the floor and then get them out of the tub one at a time, bundle them and go back for the next one. This way they can't get away from me!!!

I love these little girls!

One of these days I'll print and frame a black and white version to join their brothers on my bathroom wall to complete the decor : )

The OTHER woman

2009-02-17T09:13:00.008-06:00

Adoption has so many sides and angles and truly is a complex arrangement. So often this process is viewed from only the adoptive family's perspective...... as has our adoption. It is difficult to understand or relate to someone and their situation without having lived it personally no matter WHAT you are talking about. But today, I'm thinking about the OTHER woman in adoption.

There are lots of stereo-types out there surrounding this woman.... words like; irresponsible, desperate, alone, immature, young, poor, sick etc. Yet, we all know a stereo-type can't possibly define every birth mother out there nor is it fair to do so.

Why am I thinking about this today? Because the last 5 days God has given me the opportunity to see adoption from a neutral and objective perspective.

I received a call last Thursday from a friend of an OBGYN. She asked if I could find a godly, Christian home for a baby girl to be born in less than 2 weeks. Wow! Never gotten a call like that before!!!

After a couple phone calls, we found a family! Over the course of the next few days, there was a very anxious and cautiously excited family on one hand and a birth mother who seemingly was apathetic about pursuiing the next steps on the other. And as of last night, the whole thing fell apart when the birth mother discovered they were all from the same town and without telling her OB, had contacted an adoption agency.

That was NOT the kind of phone call I wanted to make to this sweet adoptive family. Oh, the heartbreak : (

It is easy for me to relate with the adoptive family.... I've been there, I know that position. But what about the OTHER woman??

I can't tell you how many times I would feel angry, confused and hurt when I thought about certain details of Sarah's birth mom's interview process. Quite honestly, these are things I still don't understand as a mother myself but they are things God has finally given me peace over and helped me to accept.

A HUGE part of that acceptance was the day we received our 2nd packet(the 1st one was confiscated by Customs) in the mail with all of Sarah's adoption paperwork. All of you adoptive families know that this packet is like GOLD!!

I'll never forget sitting at my kitchen table watching Sarah munch on some cheerios as I read the social worker report...... my first and only glimpse we'll ever have of Sarah's biological mother and father. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about reading the desperate, sad story of Sarah becoming fatherless in a factual little paragraph written between mountains of legal paperwork. In that moment, ALL of who Sarah was and is became very real to me. Her previous life could not be denied. I could not love Sarah without loving her birth parents too. They were now as much a part of me as my new daughter is a part of me and forever will be.

Considering the OTHER woman can bring out insecurities too. I know I also struggled from time to time throughout our entire process with who's the "real mom". These thoughts can produce in a woman a feeling of being threatened or even a feeling of threat for her adopted child( you know, that mama bear feeling ). The truth is that the birth mom and the adoptive mom both play God-ordained roles in a child's life. The thing with insecurity is the desire to want to claim something as "MINE". However, when all is said and done, the only ONE that can claim a child as truly His, is the Lord.

So, I'd have to say this experience the last few days has been a good one, despite the outcome not being my plan. I've been privileged to objectively view adoption personally unattached. I have been able to see those raw feelings from the prospective adoptive mom that I so easily relate to, I've had a peek at the reality of the situation a birth mother might find herself in, and I've experienced a moment of being that facilitator(social worker if you will) wanting to see a happy ending for one precious child of God. What a crazy week!

Thank you Lord for helping me to love Sarah's birthmother and once again reminding me to see things from your perspective!

It's over....

2009-02-09T18:54:00.015-06:00

.... but God is still at work!!

The conference on Saturday went extremely well! PTL!!! Various sources told me we had between 100-150 people attend. There were no major glitches and hey, I didn't end up in the hospital(like last year) : )

Almost as soon as the conference was over, I read the comments/suggestions left by conference attendees. I was surprised by how much feedback we received. Overwhelmingly positive things were said... mostly about how great all the speakers were and the amount of resources they acquired. In fact, the only complaint reported was that there was not enough time to go to more electives or talk with more adoptive families.... pretty good problem to have I think!

..... that they wanted MORE!

Due to a choice of only 2 electives, many opted to go to the "bigger topic" sessions like "Domestic/Foster Care", "International Adoption", "Financing an Adoption"(which I heard there was standing room only in those electives) for their 1st elective and then for their second elective they opted for a more specialized class on adoption like "Post Adoption Issues", "Adopting an Older Child", "Preparing your Family" and so forth. We felt they were all important classes and are confident that even the less attended specialized classes fulfilled their purpose!

I also felt the networking that went on at the conference was great too! I was so encouraged to see so many connecting heart to heart over a subject so dear to our Father! Oh how I pray that God will continue to work in the hearts of those that attended and He would show Himself powerful by setting multitudes of orphans in families!!

On a side note, kind of, God blessed me and opened my eyes at the conference in the session David and I taught. Which, we ALMOST said no to teaching : ) I just thought I would be too crazy the day of the conference to handle teaching an elective as well.

Anyway, we taught on emotional and spiritual readiness in the adoption process. Spouse reluctance and infertility/loss were among the topics. The Lord brought some very hurting and grieving people into our classes. In fact, the emotion was so raw in the room at times, I felt myself getting choked up often just seeing their pain.

In the end, God showed me what a ministry there is for these couples who have endured so much silent agony and felt so alone as those around them are blessed child after child. It affirmed my conviction that these precious couples have so much in common with the orphan and that God will use their trials to create beautiful stories!

I came away from the conference touched by the plight of the orphan and sobered by the pain of being childless but ABSOLUTELY filled with the HOPE that is in Christ ALONE!!!

Please keep praying for God's work to continue in the hearts of many!

Sarah's a TV star!!

2009-02-06T11:34:00.004-06:00

Sarah and I were interviewed "live" last night at a local news station for the Connecting Hearts Through Adoption Conference. We had so much fun but boy, am I glad I don't have to do that again!! I was terribly nervous! Sarah seemed to "blossom" in the environment of being center of attention.... I'm pretty sure she had most hearts captured in the news room! She was really being funny and of course, cute to boot!

She was posing so well in front of the NBC front desk, I could almost hear her thinking, "Yep, I know I'm famous : )"

For all her personality display prior to the interview, she wanted NOTHING to do with sitting still on my lap once we were on the set!

... here's a pic of her obvious desire to GET DOWN!

She did make it back on the set for the last couple minutes of the interview and even had a hug and kiss for Mike Dimmick.... (they kind of bonded before we went on). Overall, a great night with some very fun memories!

Please remember the conference tomorrow in prayer! Our hearts' cry is that the Father would hear the cry of the fatherless and set them in families coming tomorrow!! He is "their Redeemer" and He is strong!!

We love Spaghetti!!

2009-02-04T16:47:00.005-06:00

It's one of my favorite meals because it's quick and easy but also because I never get complaints from the kids : ) Had to get a shot of these two smothered in it from head to toe!

See how Sarah's tray has the spaghetti in one spot .....

.... verses her sister's tray which is completely smeared in spaghetti sauce!!

I can't help wondering if this will translate into how they keep their rooms someday : )

And just for fun.... Here's a pic from Dave's alum basketball game at LCC on Saturday! That's my man making the lay-up! It was fun day to catch up with some of his old teammates!

Monkey See Monkey Do

2009-01-26T15:18:00.003-06:00

The boys love their dad's old N-64(a birthday present from our 1st yr. of marriage). We were all downstairs one day and heard Sarah yelling out, "Go! Go!" We turned around and saw this....

Don't forget to pause the music on our playlist : )

FREE Adoption Conference... help get the word out!

2009-01-21T11:08:00.003-06:00

Yep, that's right.... it's free! Please help get the word out about this conference by adding a link to this website www.connecthearts.blogspot.com on your blog or facebook page!!! Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries and Lifesong for Orphans will be coming to give the keynote message on fears and fantasies of adoption and there also will be a specific elective to address pastors and leaders in the church about orphan care ministry! Please pray with us for God to remember the fatherless and raise up families and churches to provide for the orphan!

Sick!!!

2009-01-14T15:02:00.024-06:00

Well, I know these 2 don't look so bad now but you should have seen them the 24hrs. before! We've got some kind of stomach flu going around in our house. It started with Emily and 5 days later, everyone but Sarah and me has taken their turn. I was HOPING she and I would escape the terrible bug but just a little bit ago, I found Miss Sarah fishing toilet paper out of the toilet and putting it in her mouth!!!!..... and yes, the same toilet everyone has used for their vomit(and other stuff)!! I know, I know..... DISGUSTING!

I can't believe how long it's taken me to get around to posting PRE- and POST-Christmas! Thanks for not giving up on us and checking in ; ) I just decided to make one mega-long post instead of trying to catch up, here it goes....

The BEST Christmas Ever:

Our family Christmas morning was incredibly special this year. The entry way to the living room with the tree was sealed off using wrapping paper so they couldn't sneak in w/o us(they LOVE busting through to their presents). Before the kids opened presents, we went into the girls' room and opened the Word. I found myself misty eyed as our 7yr.old son read how the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. I identified with Mary treasuring all these things in her heart while looking at my beautiful family.....reflecting on how DIFFERENT this year was without the unknowns and fears that clouded Christmas last year.

Caleb finished reading and we all bowed our heads and took turns thanking Jesus for all He has done. When it got to my turn, I was so choked up I could barely get out any words. THEN, the boys, seeing how "upset" I was, said, "Mommy, you can open your presents 1st!" Well, that did it, now I was bawling.... and I distinctly remember saying with a very full heart, "This is the best Christmas I've ever had!"

Christmas with the Gross family!

The boys LOVE football and were so excited about their uniforms. They don't even like the Packers other than Brett Favre used to play for them.... but they didn't care: ) (they were on sale at Farm and Fleet)

Good one, Honey

Christmas with the Stanton side!

Caleb with the big cousins on my side... a carousel ride after pictures

(they were too cool to ride the animals)

Zach and Sarah
(Emily was asleep in the stroller)

The JOY of having big brothers:

See what doesn't belong in this picture? The boys thought it was hysterical watching Sarah walk around all night with a stuffed bear stuck in her pants. Oh, my.... I hate to see what they'll do to the girls when they're older!

Christmas Programs:

This was our church program with both boys... Caleb and Zach are so different in front of people. Caleb was about the only one with a piece of paper in front of his face(supposedly for the words) the WHOLE program so no one could see him. Zach on the other hand practically forgot where he was.... balancing on one foot, jumped onto the stage next to the preacher, and wore batman gloves through the entire thing!

Zachary was Joseph in his preschool play... we were so proud.

More Silliness:

Dave stuck this on Sarah on one of her bad hair days : ) My mom is appalled that I won't cut her bangs : )

I love this photo because they are always going up to the screen side by side and trying to figure out the "magic" of how a picture mysteriously comes on the screen when they push certain buttons.

The ICE storm:

Some of you may remember the ice storm that went through the midwest..... that's our house through the debris!

The Reindeer Ranch:

We went with our friends, the Reardons, to get our Christmas tree this year at the Reindeer Ranch! It was FREEZING!!!

You see how cold it was by how much we bundled up the girls!! Aren't they hilarious....

a bit reminscent of The Christmas Story, don't you think?

My "not-so" Fashion Girls:

Found these adorable head-bands on clearance one day and thought I'd get some cute pics. For one, they wouldn't sit still.....

"You want me where?"

This one, I couldn't keep her hands out of her mouth.

And finally.....

.....they found my container of puffs I was using for bribery!!

"So, what's the big deal... we don't mind eating off the floor?"

This is what the end of our day looks like and how I feel after this marathon post! : )

Hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Christmas!!

Our Adoption Video

2008-12-11T16:40:00.006-06:00

We celebrated Orphan Care Sunday a couple weeks ago at our church and a friend of mine created this video to help us share our testimony. THANK YOU JULIE!!! What a precious gift to our family! (Don't forget to scroll down on the right to click pause on our playlist songs so you can hear the video : )

The girls first SNOW!! and some family fun

2008-12-09T14:22:00.006-06:00

The past couple weeks have given me a lot of blogging material... so look out for an above average amount of posts : )Caleb and Emily
Think I need to take this pic to photoshop and adjust the lighting...
but here's my two funny kids, Sarah and Zachary

Caleb and Zach were more excited about Sarah and Emily's first experience with snow than they were to go play in it.... the way they love these girls never ceases to amaze me. We've had lots of fun.... building forts, snowball fights, eating icicles and somehow the boys convinced me to freeze a few of our snowballs in the fridge ... what was I thinking : )

Last night we had a special night going to the "kids eat free night" at IHOP and then a road trip to see the Festival of Lights. Our kids were cracking us up!!

Caleb wanted to take pictures of EVERY light display... we talked him into taking pics of ONLY our favorites(the batmobile was of course Zach's fave). Zachary in only his unique and hilarious way kept repeating, "I'm so happy... I think I'm going to cry"(I'm STILL laughing over that one.. Grandpa Chip would be so proud). And not to be outdone, Sarah sat on my lap in the front hitting the window and pointing, saying "WHOA!" every 5 seconds. Little Emily just stared out the window sucking her thumb with her precious laid back spirit.

Thank you Lord for family, for fun, for laughter, for loving us!

This was our photogragher Caleb's favorite of the night

Hope everyone is enjoying all the festivities of the Christmas season!

Visiting orphans AND widows

2008-12-04T12:47:00.011-06:00

At 5 am the morning of Sunday, November 18, 2007, I was lying awake on my bathroom floor curled in a ball talking on the phone to the O.B. who was on call for the weekend. I was having contractions... and in much pain. In denial of the situation, I pleaded with him to order more terbutaline. No, he said in his foreign accent... you need to go to the hospital right now.

I was right around the beginning of my 22nd week of pregnancy. I'd already been to the hospital a couple times earlier that week, but this time was different. They wheeled me right past the triage and admitted me into labor and delivery. We had already been told that a baby born before 25 weeks would not be airlifted to a neonatal unit. When I entered my room, horror filled my heart, seeing the baby warming unit seemed like I might as well have been staring at my unborn daughter's coffin.

By God's mercy and will, we left the hospital 3 days later with my contractions stabilized. They never actually went away, thus remaining on bedrest until 36 wks. but I was able to carry Emily full term to praises of God's glory.

So what does this have to do with widows and orphans?

Those early weeks after the hospital between Thanksgiving and Christmas last year were truly frightening for me. I had very strong feelings of isolation, fear, anxiety, and a deep loneliness. One particular day, the boys were at grandma's, I was in my recliner all alone. A thought that I know was from the Lord( in the midst of my emotions) came to my mind.

"This must be how it feels to be a widow."

In that moment I prayed that the Lord would allow me to embrace these feelings and never let me forget how the widow/elderly must feel. My circumstances and emotions were only temporary but theirs..... it's their life! I promised the Lord that I would be faithful to remember the widow along with the orphan. My prayer is that each of you passionate James 1:27 friends would take time to consider the widow this season too!

The above picture is of our family visiting Dave's grandfather(who is a widower) over Thanksgiving : )

I encourage you to listen to the words of this song. I prefer the Sandi Patty version but couldn't get it. If you've never heard this song before... it's a tear jerker!

My grandma (Grandma-mom) came and spent a week with us earlier this year .... a little vacation from her assisted living home. My kids ADORE her : )... and so do I!

My d-group girls from church making cards for the residents at a nursing home we visited recently. I was so proud of them for their smiles, touches, conversations and prayers they shared with elderly that night!

Elizabeth, Anna and Hannah making new friends!

Ashley visiting with a sweet little lady

Casey taking a moment to pray with this elderly gentleman

Silliness

2008-11-26T08:54:00.007-06:00

My little diaper thief...

she makes a bee-line for the rolled up diapers every time! YUCK!!

My only conclusion is Sarah must have fallen asleep in the upright position A LOT in the orphanage b/c it seems to be her favorite sleeping position : )

These two are definitely getting sillier everyday... nap time seems to be play time.... ugh!!

II guess in honor of all the bows I've been making, the boys decided to decorate the girls' heads. So, of course, I grabbed my camera and as I was happily snapping away trying to get a cute picture of the girls.....

I was completely unaware of what else was going on in the picture!

What a goofball!!

It's the Littlest Things...

2008-11-22T16:24:00.006-06:00

... that make me love my husband!

Some of my favorite memories growing up were of hanging Christmas lights with my dad. My dad was obsessed with having the most lights and the highest lights in the trees than anyone else in our little hometown. Looking back, it probably wasn't the most aesthetically pleasing house in the neighborhood... but in my girlish memories it was the most beautiful house in the world!

Like every marriage, we've learned to compromise over the things that were different in how we were raised. So at Christmas time, we've blended my family's "over the top" traditions with his family's practical no-nonsense way of doing things. The most lights we've ever had in, around or outside our house has been whatever fits on our Christmas tree.

But today, I looked out our front window, and there was my husband on a ladder doing something so impractical... he was hanging Christmas lights on our house with our 2 boys! And it's not even Thanksgiving yet! I was so caught off guard I seriously had to fight off tears! I love my husband no matter what he does, however it's these little things that make me so grateful he's mine!

The "fog" is lifting

2008-11-10T16:06:00.012-06:00

I always think you need about 3 mos. to start feeling yourself again after having a baby. But in our interesting scenario, having had two babies come into our family w/in 4 months of each other and both being very different entrances, those "3 mos. till you feel normal" has dragged on : )

However, several moments this past week have signaled a fog lifting. Sarah has now been home 3 months and so I think that timeframe works in adoptions too! Sarah's bonding and attachment, although never alarming, has seemed slow yet moving in the right direction.

Today she let me rock her. And yes, I cried. Oh, she's let me rock her before but only if she had a toy to play with or something to eat or drink. No, today she laid her head on my shoulder with her arms wrapped around me and we rocked... as mother and daughter.

In other developments, Sarah is walking a little, jabbering a lot, signing "more", and loves to make Emily laugh(you know, those cute baby belly laughs). Which by the way, the same week Sarah took her first steps, Emily learned to crawl : ) But more than anything, Sarah is learning to trust.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how MUCH our Father desires us to trust Him and yet we struggle while I've been waiting for Sarah to grow in her trust of us. It is with joy in my heart as I can clearly see that process taking place.... in her life and how it's affected my life trusting the Lord.

And now to some pics over the last couple weeks.....

Whenever I hold them on my lap together, they hold hands : )

Fun and Fancy Bows!!

2008-11-03T19:48:00.014-06:00

I probably should have waited to advertise these until I had better pictures... but I couldn't wait! This is my new bow collection that I will be making and selling this season and one special bow for my friends who are adopting siblings from Ethiopia. This picture best represents the actual colors of the ribbons : ) If you are interested in purchasing a bow, please leave me a comment.

FUN CHRISTMAS Bow

3 " red ribbon bow(used in the Santa bow) with candy striped ribbon accent

and a seasonal charm

(Santa, candy cane, reindeer, present and X-mas tree)

FANCY CHRISTMAS Barrette
3" red rose barrette with "boa"feathers and sequin accents

FUN WINTER Bow

3" Turqoise /polka dot bow with "let it snow" ribbon and glittery snowflake accent

AND

3" Royal blue/polka dot bow with multi-color christmas light bulbs for center accent

(you can see this one in the collection photo... it's my favorite FUN one)

WINTER FANCY Bow

3" and 2" Turqoise shimmery ribbon with "pearl" snowflake accent

$6 and $5

ADOPTION BOW

3" Chocolate shimmery bow with pink/chocolate checked ribbon and pink shimmery ribbon accents

(All profits for this ribbon will go to Kendall and Davett Coffman's adoption

of sibling Ethiopian orphans)

What do you think of "CALAMITIES"?

2008-11-01T16:34:00.004-05:00

When I look at the 4 beautiful children God has given us, it's hard to believe our life has been a sequence of "calamities" over the past several years. We've been talking about calamities in my study on Jonah and specifically this week on the calamity caused by the Lord when Jonah was in the boat.

Our Bible study teacher asked us a series of questions about our "fear of God" amidst storms in our life coinciding with the events of ch. 1&2 of the book of Jonah. I felt compelled to share those with all of you : ) Hope you find them as challenging and affirming as I did!

1. Do you fear God but not enough to obey Him when you don't want to?

2. Is your fear of God weak enough to think you can say "no" to God and get away with it?

3. Is your fear of God weak enough to allow you to "sleep"(as Jonah did) through calamity?

4. Is your faith so weak that other could question how you could profess to know God & live the way that you do?

5. Is your fear of God so weak that "the world's" fear of God is greater than yours?

6. Do you fear God enough to pray in the midst of your distress or is it your last resort?

7. Do you fear God enough to know there is no calamity apart from God?

8. Do you fear God enough to understand and appropriate His grace?

9. Do you fear God enough to curb your flesh and it's appetites so you're not lured from faithfulness by the world's vanities?

10. Do you fear God enough to realize salvation is from the Lord?

Praying you all know the fear of the Lord today!!

Uh Oh...

2008-10-27T13:08:00.005-05:00

... look who's almost walking!

Since this video, she's officially taken 6 steps! She's SO funny and so different from the boys. When they learned to walk, they would let go of something and literally "run" as many steps as they could before falling. Sarah is very intentional with EVERY step and fights for her balance inbetween( she looks a bit like Frankenstein...shh, don't tell her). I love how you can get to know her personality even in learning to walk : )

On a different note, Dave got home yesterday from his weekend retreat with the youth. I've been patiently waiting for Sarah to attach herself to someone OTHER than me 24/7. And it finally happened!! Last night she reached out for Dave WHILE I was still holding her and just laid her head on his shoulder... AND didn't want me back. She had missed him!! Oh my goodness, it was about the sweetest thing I've ever seen!

Special Friends

2008-10-19T15:46:00.005-05:00

This friendship just needed a post : ) Karie was the answer to my prayer almost a decade ago when Dave and I moved to Indiana. I had prayed for a friend... but He gave me more. He gave me a sister. Karie and I have so many things in common, we just laugh. Our birthdays are 3 days apart, we were married the same year, our oldest boys are 2 weeks apart, our second oldest boys are 2 days apart, our "third" babies are friends in Heaven, our third children on earth are both adopted, and now with Karie's pregnancy our fourths are little miracles from God!

Karie finally got to meet Sarah this weekend!

Our two beautiful "daughters of promise"!!

To think when we first met, we were just careless newlywed couples : ) Look at this little troop just 8 years later(minus the littlest due in just a couple more months)!

We love you guys... thanks for coming!!

Treasures in Heaven

2008-10-14T13:10:00.003-05:00

Ever since starting this blog I have wanted to do a "thank you" post to all those who invested in Sarah's adoption. Through family, friends and the body of Christ, the Lord provided every penny for the journey of a lifetime to one precious child of God.

There were all kinds of ways people gave.... selling possessions, garage sales, providing garages to sell in, financial donations. Each and EVERY gift knocked me off my feet in praises and glory to God!

I am confident that God will reward each one who invested in Sarah's life. I was reminded again this morning in reading Matthew 6 that the Father delights in giving to the things of eternal value...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves TREASURES IN HEAVEN, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. " Matt. 6 :19-21

So thank you... thank you for investing in things that have eternal value, thank you for giving when you could have used something new for yourself, thank you for listening to God's voice and obeying.... thank you for seeing this special, black- haired, almond -eyed, 19lb. treasure from Heaven as an eternal investment! May the Lord bless you all for choosing the eternal over treasures on earth!!

This past weekend 3 people(and their kids) came to meet Sarah for the 1st time... the first 3 people( besides my mom and dad ) to jump on board with our leap of faith in adoption through sacrificial giving. Diane(my aunt), Carrie(my cousin), and Heather(my cousin-in-law), you will never know what your support meant to me in those first few weeks of stepping out in faith! Thanks for supporting us then and for supporting us now with your fun visit to meet Sarah! I love you!!

Finally got the girls' pictures taken...

2008-10-09T13:19:00.012-05:00

Sadly, the best one we got in their special Guatemala dresses : )

These toys are WAY cooler than all those annoying sounds you crazy adults are making!!

Another goofy face by Sarah : )

Sweet little Sarah

Woo hoo... I'm ONE!

I LOVE this girl's expressions!

Miss Emily....

trying to chase Sarah down in who will walk first

(feel free to pray for me!)

I've never seen either of my girls so sober as the day we took them for their pictures... but I definitely was NOT going to reschedule after trying like a mad woman to get two baby girls looking pretty( meaning no spit-up, no blow-outs, no pulling out hair things, no taking off shoes... and still the perfect time in their schedules when neither of them is hungry or sleepy!)

LOVE this lil' sweetheart...

you can get a little glimpse of the red tint to her hair in this one : )

Touched by Innocent Faith

2008-10-01T10:44:00.006-05:00

This is the eldest of all my blessings... CALEB. We finally fulfilled our birthday promise to him by taking him to a Cardinals game. I think this picture forever captures how I will always "see" my son, whether standing at the front of a church waiting for his bride, or holding his first born child or even if I'm blessed long enough to see him hold his first grandchild. Just that huge grin on his face, cap on his head and ball and glove in his hands. I'm sure every mother has a single snapshot of each of their children that embraces the essence of that child.

Caleb has reached an age of having a special ability to humble me by his innocent faith. It makes me smile to think that God purposely gives us children just to remind us how GREAT is He!

Recently we were talking about adoption with Caleb and explaining the difference between adoption from another country and from here. Which led to trying to explain foster care.

We told him how mommy and daddy actually have a foster care license from going through the process of adoption.

Caleb's face lit up and he said, "Can we go get one(a child) right now??"

Of course I laughed and immediately said, "Honey, don't you think mommy and daddy are crazy enough right now with the 2 babies and you two guys?!" To which he shook his head emphatically no : ) My heart was so blessed by his selflessness because the girls have definitely taken away from the attention we give him. Innocent faith.

Then, last night at a Life Action service at our church, the kids came in to join their parents for praise and worship. Caleb stood on a chair behind me with his arms wrapped around my neck as he bellowed out in a very off-tune voice precious words to the Father in Heaven with singing.

I was nearly a heap on the floor right there, completely humbled. Simply amazed that God can work in this 7 yr. old's life in SPITE of this weak, flawed and sinful woman God gave him as a mother. Innocent Faith.

Thank you Lord for being sovereign, for being the ONE in control, the ONE that covers a multitude of wrongs with love!

A first Cardinal picture with all 6 of us!

The BOYS!

And the Girls!(oops, where's MY Cardinal shirt?)

Thanks Mom and Dad for watching the girls so we could spend some special time with our little men at the game!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

2008-09-24T13:50:00.009-05:00

Is this girl excited about her birthday or what?!? We had a very special birthday party for Sarah with our family on Sunday. I'll let the pictures do the talking : )

Loved the cake!

We had her party at a "sprinkler park"... hence the swim trunks. It was a beautiful day!

Caught in the act!!

Our traditional pinata time!!

... with almost all the cousins : ) We missed you Sam, Alex and Anna

Sarah's turn (with her cute little baton)

Next, Emily's turn!

mmmm.... presents!

It was a very memorable day! I have thought of Sarah's birthmom a lot today and am so grateful for her and her love for this precious bundle of joy!