Zachary Lost His 3rd Tooth!

Zachary lost his 3rd tooth on the last day of school today! He's been patiently waiting and today was the big day. He lost it by bonking into Emily and then he thought something was in his mouth and he reached in and it was his tooth! The place he lost it was at McDonald's.

Do we even care?

Have you ever received words that literally dropped you to your knees? I mean the kind of news that sends your heart and mind into a tailspin? How did you respond? Did you run to a friend, shake your fists in the air, pull the covers over your head and not want to face life? Or have you faced such despair that darkness prevails and depression swallows your life?

Our friend, Nehemiah, faced such a time as this. Nehemiah was a cupbearer for the King of Persia, a generation after the famous story of Queen Esther. Cupbearer was a secure and prominent position that could lend itself to having great influence, bad or good. However, the Lord had plans that would change Nehemiah's comfortable life. Just one simple conversation.

Friends of Nehemiah came from Judah and he asked them how things were for the Jews who survived the captivity and about Jerusalem. Upon hearing the words of great distress, reproach and the desolation of the city, Nehemiah sat and wept. He wept and he mourned for DAYS. He fasted and prayed.

Is there anything in your life that is in ruins? Is there distress? Reproach? How about someone else's life? How about your neighbor that is lost spiritually? Do you care? Do you sit down and weep? Do you fast and pray over their distress? Tough questions, I know. And I must confess, that God has convicted me of what caring really looks like. Could there be more than an "I'll be praying for you" here and a "bless your heart" there? How often do we sit and weep over sacred things, like, broken marriages, lost souls, orphaned children, and prodigal sons/daughters in the lives of others.... until it's us.

Nehemiah prays a beautiful prayer reminding God who He is and the covenant He has promised. He confesses the sins of His people and begs God to hear his prayer.

According to the timeline of the Hebrew months, about 4 mos. pass by after Nehemiah prays. The King notices that Nehemiah is sad. Nehemiah is rightfully afraid as it was expected for those in the King's presence to enjoy the King's company. But God is with Nehemiah. Nehemiah boldly asks detailed permission to go to his homeland that is in ruins so that he could rebuild it.

A couple things stand out to me in these 8 verses. One is that Nehemiah waited on God. He did not force a plan in his timing for how to "fix the problem" the remnant faced and the condition of Jerusalem. It was after 4 mos. that the King noticed Nehemiah's sadness. The text says Nehemiah declares he was never sad in his presence. My conclusion is that it must have been God that made the King aware, thus it was God's timing. Another good example by Nehemiah... waiting on God to hear our cries.

The second observation is that Nehemiah cared enough to say something when the appointed time came. He cared enough for his people and his city to ask a question that put Nehemiah in danger. Nehemiah was afraid but he asked anyway. He prayed to the Lord and the good hand of God came on him. He asked to return and rebuild the city of his people.

Most of us are not typically in a place where caring about someone or doing the Lord's will would put us in physical danger. But many of us face fears of another sort... pride, security, loss. Do we care enough to overcome fear? Do we care enough to seize the moment that God brings about and obey?

Nehemiah cared. He cared enough to weep, mourn, pray, speak up and enough to go. Yep, the next section of chapter 2 is Nehemiah GOING!

Wow... I think I'll be able to chew on these truths in the Word for a few days. If you haven't read these first sections of Nehemiah yet, think about ... the situation, how Nehemiah related to God, and what was Nehemiah's example? And if you want to go deeper, check out Precepts Bible study methods and some commentaries(like Wiersbe)... that's what I used as I studied : ) I have to conclude with a poignant excerpt from Wiersbe's commentary on Nehemiah...

God is still looking for people who care, people like Nehemiah, who cared enough to ask for the facts, weep over the needs, pray for God’s help, and then volunteer to get the job done.

“Here am I, Lord—send me!”

Thanks for reading with me. I love the accountability and I would love to hear any insights God shares with you too!

Joy amidst the ruins

I recently have been drawn to the book of Nehemiah. A favorite verse and known by so many has been echoing in my heart..."for the joy of the LORD is your strength"(Neh. 8:10). This verse has taken on new meaning in my life recently and I look forward to some in-depth study and insights that the Spirit will be sure to reveal(because I have a God that promises if you seek Him, you will indeed find Him).

First observations of this verse are that God holds true to His character. The people of Israel are not told that the joy of the Lord is their strength during a time of great happiness and prosperity but rather a time of great grief and sorrow. This intrigues me....

Would you be willing to study Nehemiah with me over the next few weeks and together let's see what the Lord would have His children learn? I hope you do and I look forward to posting Truths that He teaches me over the next few weeks. May the joy of the Lord be your strength!!

Life with mi Princesa

I realize it has been some time now since I have updated on how we are "doing" since Sarah has come home. The last time I posted, we were experiencing some set-backs, mostly with sleeping. You can read about that here. Through that time period, I came to understand how significant bonding and attachment are to a successful adoption.

Before I update how things are going, I want to preface our personal experience, advice and results with the reminder that every child and every family is different... there is absolutely no black and white formula in adoption! Just as everyone who adopts has their own unique experience and challenges, we also have had a rare experience with it's own difficulties. We brought home an almost 1 yr. old right after bringing home a newborn, 4.5 months earlier. In essence, we faced the new and stretching experience of "twins" at the same time as the new and stretching experience of adoption. Certainly God-ordained but completely unfamiliar territory for me.

I have a few friends with twins and many friends who have adopted, but no friends that have had both at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that feels "alone" when there is no one around facing the same circumstances as you. Remember that is ONLY a feeling though! God will never leave us nor forsake us!

Because of our interesting situation, there is something that has to be mentioned. Bonding and attachment is readily talked about from the child's perspective but rarely talked about from the parent's perspective. In our situation, I struggled with bonding to Sarah on some level. I didn't recognize it at first because I thought our "disconnect" was coming from Sarah not bonding to me. And there is truth to that, but I guess it's kind of like trying to figure out if the chicken came before the egg.

I struggled because.... when I would walk into the room, Emily would smile and squeal and Sarah would just look at me. I struggled because I couldn't seem to comfort Sarah the same way as my other kids. I struggled because there were fewer "mommy" moments than "caretaker" moments in our relationship. It's funny, it seems men are usually the ones that struggle with these thoughts before deciding to adopt, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the mommies that struggle the most in post-adoption.

Well, before anyone might get discouraged about adopting.... let me say, Sarah and I are doing GREAT!! There are 2 reasons why.

Reason 1:

Remember, in my post last fall, that I felt God telling me that He was going to heal Sarah's hurting, insecure heart through me? Well, God continued to teach me in this. Part of why I struggled was the little differences I noticed in how Sarah responded to me versus the other kids. A few months ago God impressed on me 1 John 4:19, "We love, because He first loved us." Wow! Do you see that? When God adopted us, He loved us FIRST and THEN we were able to love Him back. Is that not the same in earthly adoptions? The Truth really does always set you free : )

Reason 2:

We received a book from Lifesong for Orphans, after our adoption, called The Connected Child by Dr. Purvis. It is WONDERFUL! I highly recommend it. Here are three things we got from this book that have helped tremendously in perspective and pro-activity:

1. Time- Relationships take time. Don't expect too much too soon. Every time table is different. Patience, patience, patience and then some more.

2. Intentionality- It's no surprise that the newborn stage is vital to learning to trust and bonding. When that stage is missed, Dr. Purvis suggests recreating some of those important aspects of infancy, like, long periods of eye contact, skin on skin touching and one on one interacting. This was incredibly good for me in connecting with Sarah... loved it!!

3. Discipline- The first year Sarah was home I disciplined her the same way I did Emily. By the end of that first year, every time I disciplined, she was worse. We were doing a lot of "time-outs". Dr. Purvis says that "time-outs" can reinforce feeling separated, disconnected or unloved. Instead, we've tried her recommended "time-ins" the last few months. It's been a great success. We don't take Sarah to her room anymore when she misbehaves but now we sit her against a wall in close proximity to us where she is not isolated. I can't begin to tell you how much better this has worked for us!

All in All, I am madly in love with mi Princesa, Sarah! She is sweet, funny, kind, mild-natured, shy, and absolutely delightful! Sarah and I share so many intimate moments that are full of sheer joy! I am so thankful for the beauty God has created in our mother/daughter bond. God is so good and so faithful. He never ceases to teach me about His unfathomable grace! What privilege it is to experience the "shadow" of our spiritual adoption on this earth with my precious daughter from the heart.

Oh, and by the way, now BOTH my girls smile and squeal when I walk into the room... just ask the church nursery workers!!!

Home

This past week has reminded me in so many ways of where "home" is and where it is not. Difficult situations, difficult relationships, saying goodbye to loved ones and losing heart over the loss of a dream.... all of these point to sin in this world in some form or other. In this world, there is so much that we fear, cling to, and desire in an attempt to satisfy, fulfill, or bring security. I'm sure if in our human minds we could truly grasp the brevity of life, we would not struggle. I've heard it said if we understood how short our lives were, we would live differently. I believe that, but not in the way most might think. I wouldn't necessarily do different things or say different things because "understanding" alone cannot take away my humanity. No, I believe it would result in less conflict between my spirit and my flesh.

To understand the reality of an 85 year life-span in light of eternity has to change anyone's perspective. I remember when I was facing giving birth for the 1st time and the terror I felt thinking about it. I would comfort myself with the thought... "it's ONE day, just one day. I can do anything for one day!"(yes, I understand some of you faced longer labor than 24hrs. but hang with me here, just using an average). I can't help but think our lives, defined in the Bible as a "vapor", could be compared to giving birth. In fact, I did not come up with anything new, the Bible describes waiting for the day of the Lord as labor pains.

There are so many people near and dear to me facing extreme trials testing their faith, endurance, and hope in Christ. My heart aches for them. Their suffering is real and it is awful and it can only be blamed by a fallen world. I pray for faith that "understands" in a godly way our "light and momentary" troubles. I pray for those suffering to have that faith too. That we would all hold one another up and march through this life with the joy set before us, awaiting the redemption of Christ in ALL it's fullness. Even creation groans for this coming day.

As always, the Lord teaches my innermost being in times of vulnerability and times of helplessness watching loved ones hurt. Amidst a study I'm doing on the last kings of Judah, I found myself in Romans 8. A favorite chapter for me personally on being adopted by the Father. The passage right after "receiving a spirit of adoption" kindled my heart. It is so good, I must share it with you.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

May we fear, cling to, and desire God Almighty instead of the temporal and lies this world offers. I don't know about you but I can't wait for the day when we all are finally HOME... forever!

Happy Birthday lil' Sunshine!!!

Emily turned TWO today! She's gotten so big so fast...

We'll have a "Melmo" (Elmo) party with the family in a few days but opened a few presents this morning : ) The boys were more excited about her birthday than I think they are about their own... they crack me up! Zachary spent HOURS drawing pictures of Emily's favorite things and making her a picture book and Caleb wrapped almost all of Emily's presents. They both made precious cards for their littlest sister that I thought I'd share.... enjoy :)

( I like my sister because she is crazy and she plays games.)

( Dear Emily, Everybody just loves you so much! I can't believe you are already turning 2 years old! You are going to love all your presents! And also you are almost in preschool already! Love, Caleb )

The Upward Basketball Boys

Daddy and his basketball boys!


Zachary and his team!

Caleb and his team!

The Gross boys are spending their Saturdays playing and coaching basketball. David coached Caleb his first two years and now he is coaching Zachary in his first year. We usually have a morning and afternoon game. Both boys really enjoy playing and the girls are their biggest cheerleaders!