Nope not ours... so you can all exhale now : )
I'm gonna be signing off for a few days while I do some blogging elsewhere. Come on over and join me at www.thecoffmanfam.blogspot.com : ) Our friends just left today for Ethiopia to pick up their new daughter and son, Addis and Micah! I'm going to be posting for them as their internet access will be limited. They have a beautiful story and should be fun to follow the next 10 days : )
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Logos Great Bible Giveaway
Logos Bible Software is amazing. I use it for all of my teaching and preaching preparation. Enter for a chance to win an ultra premium Bible!
Logos Bible Software is celebrating the launch of their new online Bible by giving away 72 ultra-premium print Bibles at a rate of 12 per month for six months. The Bible giveaway is being held at Bible.Logos.com and you can get up to five different entries each month! After you enter, be sure to check out Logos and see how it can revolutionize your Bible study.
Logos Bible Software is celebrating the launch of their new online Bible by giving away 72 ultra-premium print Bibles at a rate of 12 per month for six months. The Bible giveaway is being held at Bible.Logos.com and you can get up to five different entries each month! After you enter, be sure to check out Logos and see how it can revolutionize your Bible study.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Has it really been a MONTH?!!
Can't believe I haven't blogged in almost a month. Sarah has been sleeping well and we've really been doing well in the bonding area again. But let me tell you, we have been BUSY!! I know everyone's busy with life and schedules... just never tried to keep up with American standards of busyness with a two yr. old and an almost two yr. old before.
Thought I'd give you a reason to smile with Sarah's latest obsession... diapering ALL baby dolls and stuffed animals in the house(and apparently needing sunglasses to do it : )) Sarah also takes off her diaper and Emily's whenever we turn around.
Now, who could ever accuse this precious sweetheart of being a menace!! I PURPOSELY took this picture so that I could remember that she was sweet some of the time : ) Emily can climb out of ANYTHING.... high chairs, cribs , pack n plays, you name it! She especially likes to climb into Sarah's crib and wake her.... yeah, you can pray for me : )
Aren't these leaves gorgeous... I LOVE our street we live on in the Fall. The whole neighborhood is filled with beautiful grown Maples that decorate every inch of the ground with the most incredible colors of Autumn. I also loved watching my kids play in them!!
Seriously, when did he grow up...sniff,sniff??
This boy just makes me smile!
Beautiful... even when she holds a bright green sippy : )
Emily captures the spirit of innocent joy like no one else!Thursday, October 15, 2009
Bonding and Attachment in Adoption
These 2 adoption words seemed fuzzy and ambiguous to me not too long ago... prior to bringing Sarah home. I think I thought it was a nice way of saying "loving your adopted child". Only after "the dream" became reality did these 2 words come sharply into focus for me.
Bonding and attachment are words that have as much meaning for the adoptive family as trying to describe the meaning of "grace" in a believer's life. Possibly because they both involve "trust and security".
I never even considered "bonding and attachment" to be an issue in our adoption... afterall, we were only adopting a baby. We brought Sarah home 6 weeks shy of her 1st birthday. She would quickly forget the orphanage and adjust to our home and probably never know any different.
After bringing Sarah home, we went through weeks and then months of Sarah adjusting and accepting us as Mommy and Daddy. I did expect that : ) We had several nights a week of what I would call "night-terrors"(screaming, pushing us away, fighting us, crying) for hours during the middle of the night. It was hard but I was ok... she just was scared. Those nights quickly became less and less frequent with occasional relapses.
In fact, we started doing so well, I really relaxed as it seemed Sarah was officially "adjusted". Wrong. It wasn't until I did some travelling this summer while David was in Romania that God started revealing to me the meaning behind the words "bonding and attachment". We had a set back on our trip that upset me more than I wanted to admit.
Since that set back(a sleepless night of screaming/crying comparable to her 1st weeks home), her sleeping issues have gone from bad to worse. Screaming as if "possessed" at every nap and bedtime and waking up every night with the same fits. The only part that has been better is that she does stop when we go and get her. However, she starts right back up if we leave. Thus a couple of very tired and exhausted parents.
A few nights ago, I was listening to one of her fits, paralyzed by what the right thing to do was and almost giving in to a meltdown myself. Something had to be done. Some have offered "it's just her personality" and some have suggested "it's just a phase". But none of those opinions have made sense to me or given me peace. I suppose because a mama just knows when something's not right with her baby.
As the Lord would have it, I received a phone call from a dear friend, who also is an adoptive mom. She heard my expressed concerns through different ears and suggested it was a bonding/attachment issue. Tears pricked my eyes as she continued talking and I felt confirmation that a piece of my Sarah's heart indeed is broken. This was comforting... the truth always is. It is comforting because when you understand something is broken, then you can start working on how to fix it.
There are so many kinds of "history" a child can have pre-adoption that affects him/her. And as unique as their history is, their own genetic make-up also determines how they will respond to that history. Each of my bio kids have individual personalities that we have to approach differently in parenting but with Sarah we have to approach her personality and how that personality responded to living in an orphanage with no sole provider for the 1st year of her life.
Seeing Sarah's broken heart is helping me have compassion when I didn't know I needed it. Seeing her heart is helping me be intentional about spending special Sarah time.... which is hard to do when there's another little needy toddler(Emily) trying to crawl up my leg. God is teaching me the importance of this trust and security in her life and how He wants to heal her through me. That I would love her like Christ so that she may one day be able to put that trust and security in the Savior of the World.
God has continued to reveal how my other 3 need that intentional showering of specific love too. But most of all, He's shown me how important my bonding and attachment to HIM is the only way I will be successful as a mom to ALL my children.
And would you believe after implementing these thoughts into action, we have had 2 FULL nights of sleep the last 2 days..... PRAISE the LORD!!!
Bonding and attachment are words that have as much meaning for the adoptive family as trying to describe the meaning of "grace" in a believer's life. Possibly because they both involve "trust and security".
I never even considered "bonding and attachment" to be an issue in our adoption... afterall, we were only adopting a baby. We brought Sarah home 6 weeks shy of her 1st birthday. She would quickly forget the orphanage and adjust to our home and probably never know any different.
After bringing Sarah home, we went through weeks and then months of Sarah adjusting and accepting us as Mommy and Daddy. I did expect that : ) We had several nights a week of what I would call "night-terrors"(screaming, pushing us away, fighting us, crying) for hours during the middle of the night. It was hard but I was ok... she just was scared. Those nights quickly became less and less frequent with occasional relapses.
In fact, we started doing so well, I really relaxed as it seemed Sarah was officially "adjusted". Wrong. It wasn't until I did some travelling this summer while David was in Romania that God started revealing to me the meaning behind the words "bonding and attachment". We had a set back on our trip that upset me more than I wanted to admit.
Since that set back(a sleepless night of screaming/crying comparable to her 1st weeks home), her sleeping issues have gone from bad to worse. Screaming as if "possessed" at every nap and bedtime and waking up every night with the same fits. The only part that has been better is that she does stop when we go and get her. However, she starts right back up if we leave. Thus a couple of very tired and exhausted parents.
A few nights ago, I was listening to one of her fits, paralyzed by what the right thing to do was and almost giving in to a meltdown myself. Something had to be done. Some have offered "it's just her personality" and some have suggested "it's just a phase". But none of those opinions have made sense to me or given me peace. I suppose because a mama just knows when something's not right with her baby.
As the Lord would have it, I received a phone call from a dear friend, who also is an adoptive mom. She heard my expressed concerns through different ears and suggested it was a bonding/attachment issue. Tears pricked my eyes as she continued talking and I felt confirmation that a piece of my Sarah's heart indeed is broken. This was comforting... the truth always is. It is comforting because when you understand something is broken, then you can start working on how to fix it.
There are so many kinds of "history" a child can have pre-adoption that affects him/her. And as unique as their history is, their own genetic make-up also determines how they will respond to that history. Each of my bio kids have individual personalities that we have to approach differently in parenting but with Sarah we have to approach her personality and how that personality responded to living in an orphanage with no sole provider for the 1st year of her life.
Seeing Sarah's broken heart is helping me have compassion when I didn't know I needed it. Seeing her heart is helping me be intentional about spending special Sarah time.... which is hard to do when there's another little needy toddler(Emily) trying to crawl up my leg. God is teaching me the importance of this trust and security in her life and how He wants to heal her through me. That I would love her like Christ so that she may one day be able to put that trust and security in the Savior of the World.
God has continued to reveal how my other 3 need that intentional showering of specific love too. But most of all, He's shown me how important my bonding and attachment to HIM is the only way I will be successful as a mom to ALL my children.
And would you believe after implementing these thoughts into action, we have had 2 FULL nights of sleep the last 2 days..... PRAISE the LORD!!!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sarah's Birthday : )
Sarah and her Dora cake!My shy, introverted daughter cried when the whole family sang to her... but when it was just the 6 of us she danced and twirled in circles : )
This would be a picture of Sarah loaded down with her new toys running from Emily... ahh, welcome to the wonderful world of two year olds!
At least by the end of the night,
these two little sisters are best friends again and everything is right in the world of toddlers!
This would be a picture of Sarah loaded down with her new toys running from Emily... ahh, welcome to the wonderful world of two year olds! At least by the end of the night,these two little sisters are best friends again and everything is right in the world of toddlers!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
When Scandal hurts the Body of Christ
I hope all of my bloggie friends will bear with me as I unburden my heart concerning a tragedy in the ministry of the Gospel. I have been in shock and absolutely heart broken over circumstances surrounding a ministry I was part of in my college years.
There was a scandal. There was sin. There was immeasurable hurt incurred to the innocent and hurt to even the one to blame.
I have taken this news rather hard. Maybe because of the evils of Satan .....but I've seen the devil's handiwork before. No, I think mostly because this place of ministry was SACRED to me. God used this ministry in the most tender time in my coming to know the Lord. I look at this time in my life with deep gratitude and love for my God in how He spoke so clearly in my life and changed me inside and out. The "guilty" one involved in the scandal, I knew personally. This person was part of what made that glorious "time" in my life so very poweful and effective. I would never and could never have believed any of this scandal to be true had this person not confessed.
I know many of you reading this are shaking your heads. You've been there before. Sadness, disappointment, anger, bitterness, cynicism, hurt.... all waiting to creep into the human heart.
In the midst of my grieving spirit over what has been lost, God has reminded me of what can be gained. We can learn and we can grow through these tragedies.
*We must always remember that we are all susceptable and capable of sin, even outrageous sin... "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." 1 Cor. 10:12
*We must be careful to never hold up a man/woman as God because we are all merely human... "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1Cor. 10:14
* We must remember God's sovereignty and His goodness. What satan intends for evil, God intends for good. "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, " Gen. 50:20.
Please pray for this unspoken ministry with me.... the ripple effect will be great. God go with my dear brothers and sisters that are picking up the pieces.
There was a scandal. There was sin. There was immeasurable hurt incurred to the innocent and hurt to even the one to blame.
I have taken this news rather hard. Maybe because of the evils of Satan .....but I've seen the devil's handiwork before. No, I think mostly because this place of ministry was SACRED to me. God used this ministry in the most tender time in my coming to know the Lord. I look at this time in my life with deep gratitude and love for my God in how He spoke so clearly in my life and changed me inside and out. The "guilty" one involved in the scandal, I knew personally. This person was part of what made that glorious "time" in my life so very poweful and effective. I would never and could never have believed any of this scandal to be true had this person not confessed.
I know many of you reading this are shaking your heads. You've been there before. Sadness, disappointment, anger, bitterness, cynicism, hurt.... all waiting to creep into the human heart.
In the midst of my grieving spirit over what has been lost, God has reminded me of what can be gained. We can learn and we can grow through these tragedies.
*We must always remember that we are all susceptable and capable of sin, even outrageous sin... "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." 1 Cor. 10:12
*We must be careful to never hold up a man/woman as God because we are all merely human... "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1Cor. 10:14
* We must remember God's sovereignty and His goodness. What satan intends for evil, God intends for good. "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, " Gen. 50:20.
Please pray for this unspoken ministry with me.... the ripple effect will be great. God go with my dear brothers and sisters that are picking up the pieces.
Friday, September 4, 2009
"Sorry, God"
Yesterday, as we were leaving a friend's house, I asked the boys to get their shoes on and get in the car. They got their shoes on, went out the door, ran for the grass and started wrestling followed by a fight over the sliding door to our mini-van.
All the way home, my thoughts went from anger at my boys to guilt for being a "terrible" mom. I made them go to their rooms to get control of my emotions and to talk to the Lord and decide on how to handle their behavior.
Thankfully David walked in the door as I was feeling very drained. I vented my frustrations and he decided to "save the day" : )
He told the boys to draw instead of write what their behavior should have looked like and to draw how sorry they were to God for disobeying their mommy. It was WONDERUL!
So, the above drawing is by Zach. The 1st drawing is of him disobeying with the word NO and the second drawing is of him getting in the car with the word YES.... my favorite was the "sorr God". (Caleb's drawing was very good too, Zach's was just far more entertaining : )
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