The Mommy Marathon

Thought I'd share a devotional I wrote for a friend's baby shower : )  Hope it encourages some moms out there today!

Becoming a mother...  a sacred joy and blessing yet a noble and divine responsibility.  Surely, we experience motherhood even before giving birth, protecting and nurturing a child in your womb.  There will be thrills your heart has never known to exist and there will be pain that you think your soul cannot bear.  I have heard it said to be a mom, it is to hold your heart outside of your body.

Being this incredible and serious adventure, mothers strive to do their VERY BEST!  So many choices in motherhood...  labor options, diapering options, feeding options, sleeping options, disciplining options, schooling options and the list goes on.  Some of these options probably are already swirling in your head.  Whew... it makes MY head swirl and I’m not even having a baby : )  Let me assure you though, that all of these options are non-essential and NONE of them will make you a good mother.  Let me explain.

There is only ONE thing that will make you a successful mom.  The only ONE essential to being a good mother is fearing and obeying the Lord.

But what does that look like?  I am going to share with you from the Word a passage where we can glean insight to answer that very question.  The passage of Scripture I felt led to share with you today is one of my favorites.  And very appropriate in light of all of Jackie’s running and races(she ran her 1st marathon at 11wks pregnant!).

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witneses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

1. “Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses”... in mothering, we MUST remember the lost world around us and our brothers/sisters in Christ are watching.  We can greatly impact people around us either by making them stumble or encouraging them to seek the Lord. Our lives and our mothering must always point to Christ.
2. “Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and sin that so easily entangles”... in our mothering, we MUST be careful to examine our lives. To confess sin and repent, so that our children learn to do the same.  So that they will learn to be holy and to be humble.
3. “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”...  one of the things I always say when David and I do pre-marital counseling is don’t expect to have a 50yr. marriage in the 1st year, I believe the same can be said for mothering. It is ok if you don’t have all the answers in the first few days of becoming a mom, you know the ONE who does.  Relax, take it slow, enjoy the run of “mothering”.  The point is to endure and be steadfast.
4. “Fixing our eyes on Jesus”...  probably one of the toughest things in mothering is the urge to compare yourself to other moms.  But the WORD says to fix your eyes on JESUS... not the mom running next to you.  Be careful to not “fix your eyes” on methods in mothering or on moms you admire.  Rather, FIX your eyes on JESUS and HIS WORD and He will give you direction for your marathon in mommyhood.
5. “For the joy set before Him endured the cross”... there will be many times that being a mom stinks : )  There is great sacrifice in being a mom...  of sleep, of time, of money, of emotion, of belongings and so many more.  There are times I want to just quit.  But it is in THOSE times we need to remember JOY!  For the JOY set before HIM, He endured the cross.  There is so much JOY in serving our kids in service to our GOD!  Always make sure your kids know that you have JOY in being a mom.  They will see the JOY of the Lord is your strength.  The JOY of the Lord as we consider Christ on the cross will keep us from growing weary that we may not lose heart!

As you run the "Mommy marathon", remember to relax, enjoy and most of all...  Fear the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.  " But a woman who [fn]fears the LORD, she shall be praised."  Proverbs 31:30

The Race

I am running a 5k tomorrow.  Not a big deal for a lot of people.  It's a big deal for me.  I don't like to run.  Well, that's not true...  I do like to run but only when it's sprinting really fast and really short distances.  Certainly not jogging 3 miles.  That's painful, boring, and hard.

Yet, I am running.  I decided to run the 5k primarily because it is raising awareness and funding for orphans in Guatemala.  Soon after making the decision, some motivating questions entered my head.  "I wonder how quick I can get into shape and really be competitive?  I wonder how fast I could run this if I work hard?".   The thrill and challenge of competition and lofty goals are hard to resist.

Pretty quickly those lofty goals were met with misery.  I was running way too fast the first mile and could barely breathe to gut my way through to the next.  I felt terrible, out of shape and discouraged.  I needed to run slower but I didn't want to because I wanted the work out to be over as fast as possible.  I wasn't enjoying the running because I was trying to set a pace that my body was not ready to run.

I've always loved the comparison Scripture uses of running a race to the Christian journey in following after Christ.  Probably because I relate to it.  I was a sprinter in high school and college.  I understand running with endurance and "in such a way to win the prize" as I visualize  rounding the curve to the straight away in the 400m. hurdles.  But somewhere in the midst of making myself run long distances the last couple months, God has brought me fresh insight.

It honestly makes me laugh when I think of how silly I must be to Him when I compare His Word of running with endurance to sprinting the straightaway of the 400m. hurdles.  Oh sure, there's endurance required in the 400 hurdles... all of the 60+seconds needed to run it : )  Although, I wouldn't doubt our lives here will look near close to that 60+seconds when we get to eternity.  Still, we don't have that eternity understanding yet and our life on earth can seem dauntingly longer than even a 5k race... a marathon if you will.

The Lord has quietly revealed to me how the human desire tries to live the way I like to run.  Fast and short.  But the life of following Christ is rarely a sprint.  If we are to run in such a way to win the prize with endurance, we must let Him set the pace.  If we get ahead of Him, we make ourselves miserable.  We gut it out in our own strength barely able to breathe.

God desires us to settle into the pace He designed for each of us to run.  If we are to run with endurance, we need to go at a pace where we are able to breathe in His life giving Spirit that enables us to have the strength to keep going.  We need to throw off everything that entangles us, not looking to the right or the left to see what pace anyone else is running but fix our eyes on Jesus ALONE, the author and perfecter of faith.

Life is hard, difficult and painful.  Sometimes it becomes even more so because we are pushing ahead not allowing God to direct our steps and set our pace.  Life is also joyful, beautiful, full of hope and contentment when we rest in the timing and path He's set before us....even at it's hardest.

The Lord has changed my lofty goals.  My aim now looks more like surrender, submission, humility and dependance.  Praying to enjoy my running more(literally and figuratively) as I look to my sweet Jesus' face.... even in the hardest parts of the race.

How about you friend, are you enjoying your run?

Hebrews 12:1-2 
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."



ps. So funny but one day as I was training, an oldie but goodie came through my headphones right as God was showing me some of these insights.  Here's the lyrics to SCC's "The Human Race"...gotta love how God works : )

In a world of winners and losers,
Some are used, some are the users;
It’s a push and shove race
Of trying to get ahead.
In the dust of all the confusion
We make a choice, Truth or illusion;
Will we listen to lies,
Or hear what the Father says.

CHORUS
We are running in a human race,
Where nobody wants to settle for second place;
But we’ve got to run it at a different pace,
‘Cause the first will be last and the last will be first
At the end of the human race.

In a day when values are changing,
What kind of ground are we really gaining;
Who are we trying to serve by going the extra mile.
We can’t trade the Truth for the fashion;
We’ve got to live a life of compassion,
And those we touch are the prize
That waits at the finish line.

(chorus)

We are running in the human race;
We must run it at a different pace,
‘Cause we’ll all meet the Father face to face
At the finish line of the human race. (2x)

Summer goals!

This pic was taken in Chicago when we visited Dave's dad at the Rehab Institute.  Here's to hoping our summer will look this happy and cheerful with team cooperation : )

A few people asked me to share the behavior/discipline plan that Dave and I came up with for our kids this summer.  It really is a mixture of lots of advice and other people's ideas fit for our family.  Hope this might help anyone looking for something new or just an idea starter!

Our goals:

1. Behavior

2. Chores

3. Spiritual discipline of prayer/reading the Word

4. Begin learning concept of tithing/saving/spending

Method:

1. Charts (we found great free printable behavior/chore charts on internet -thanks Karen Beaty!)

2. Reward of $ (again found really fun printable play $ online.. even found a site that you can print your kids faces on the bills, heehee)

How it works:

1. Each boy has a chart with 5 things they need to do every day 

2. They receive a sticker for each thing they accomplish each day

3. Stickers are worth 10cents a piece with the potential of earning 50 cents/day

     *For added incentive I let each child pick their own stickers out at the store

5 things:

1. There are 2 behaviors(ie. complaining, fighting with siblings, annoying siblings, etc)

     *they get 3 strikes and then they are out... which means they receive 2 warnings per behavior before they lose a sticker

2. There are 2 chores(ie. clean room, set table, trash, water flowers, etc)

3. There is 1 spiritual discipline(ie. read the Bible and prayer journal)

      -Read 1 Chapter a day of a book of the Bible(in progression)

      -Write or draw a picture in summary of what the chapter was about

      -Write out Prayer Points:

            a. PRAISE- write a praise for God

            b. THANKS- write a thank you to God for something

            c.  SORRY-  write you are sorry for a specific sin

            d.  HELP-  write and ask God to help you with something

Extras:

1.  Boys get an extra dollar at the end of each week IF they get a perfect chart for the week

2.  We are implementing the tithing(10%), saving(50%), spending(40%) as they receive their $

3.  Boys are only required  to do spiritual discipline 5 times/wk... so they get 2 FREE stickers/wk.

Overall thoughts:

I am SO excited!!  Things are going really well.  My favorite thing is the journals!  The boys are reading through Joshua and LOVE it.  They don't even want to take a break and plan to do it 7 days/wk.  One thing I know has really helped is how we introduced the whole idea.  I've been prepping them for weeks plus we have been building it up and speaking confidence into them that we KNOW they can do it : )  

The other thing we have done is we have UNPLUGGED for the summer(all technology, yippee!).  It's amazing how the complaining about when do they get to have their "screen" time each day and "can't we just finish this level" is NON-EXISTENT!  We will have exceptions on Saturday mornings for mom and dad to "sleep in" and for family nights(which vary week to week).  I highly recommend taking the leap : )

Oh, and we are doing sticker charts with the girls too!  They have a chart for 1 targeted behavior.  Right now we are working on not coming into mommy and daddy's bed in the middle of the night.  And like the boys, it's working!!!  4 out of the last 6 nights!!

Hope you all have a great summer!

Trusting that "Jesus loves me this I know"

Stunned.  I stood there holding my daughter.  Her arms gently wrapped around my neck and clung to me, her head buried in my shoulder.  She willingly received comfort from me as she cried.  Truly a breakthrough!

Sarah had received a punishment from me for disobeying.  Being disciplined was no new thing for Sarah in disobedience.  However, her reaction was a 180 turn.  Normally, upon punishment, Sarah throws a fit, yells angrily, pulls/runs away, or screams the name of the opposite parent(or even Caleb's name) in hopes of being rescued.

Her angry reactions have been difficult and different from parenting the other kids.  As long as we disciplined in a godly, right way(yep, we're not perfect : ), our other kids have always melted into our arms after being punished.  I'd liken it to owning their "sin" and them accepting the consequence.  But with Sarah, no matter how calm, kind, reassuring and firm I have been in delivering her discipline, she has reacted as though I have hurt her unfairly and retreats from me.

To me, it's all about TRUST.  When my children completely trust me with their training, well-being and feel whole-heartedly loved, they respond to their discipline with broken yet willing spirits(please keep in mind they aren't so willing and broken before admonishment, hehe).  They KNOW I love them and they TRUST that I am correcting in that love.  Sarah may struggle with trust "off and on" her whole life but I'm praying she won't.  I see victory over her trust/security issues little by little and praising God for this small victory in the area of discipline!

So....  you all know by now, I have to go further than a story about Sarah : )  I am reminded of Hebrews 12:5-11:

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the LORD, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the LORD loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.......   All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Woe is my soul when I am far from Him and I turn angrily from His discipline.  When I forget His unfailing love and choose unbelief, my heart becomes cold and unresponsive by my skewed perspective of unfairness.  I shiver and cower in fear, insecurity and lies from the enemy.

But when I TRUST my Abba, Father and am confident in the knowledge that He loves me, I receive His discipline... broken yet willing.  I cry out for comfort from the One who is training my heart for righteousness.  I mount up with wings like eagles and gain new strength as I wait for the Lord. "Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us."Hosea 6:1

Are you TRUSTING God in His discipline?  Be encouraged, friends, "HE who began a good work in you is FAITHFUL to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus!"

His Delight

I may never have mentioned this before, but I teach private art lessons.  I really enjoy teaching under 2 conditions:  the student desires to learn and the student is teachable.  Any other situation is filled with frustration and dread.  We all know "students" can find themselves in all sorts of classrooms for any number of reasons other than desiring to learn and a heart to be teachable.

Whether I am teaching art, truths about the Word of God or  training my children, my "enjoyment" of teaching depends on those 2 conditions.  When that desire to learn and attitude of being teachable exist, my heart is DELIGHTED.  There is joy.  It is easy.  It grows a bond between teacher and student.

Today as I acknowledged and expressed to God my heartache over a situation and loved ones that are unteachable,  I recognized His heartache and frustration for "unteachable-ness"  as well.  (oh, how much we desire to protect others from pain and suffering from wrong choices...) But, as crazy as it seems, in the very next moment, I sensed His DELIGHT.  My Bible was laying open in front of me as I concluded a day of study.  For whatever reason, in my despair over someone else, He chose to love on me and express His hearty approval for my endless searching of Him.  A moment from our perfect Father in Heaven when He pours undeserved love all over your soul and drenches you with His comfort.  To the extent that God is not pleased with unteachable and un-desiring hearts, He is DELIGHTED by the heart that searches and seeks Him.  What child does not yearn for the delight of their Father?

Do you desire to know God, to be teachable?  Does the time you spend in the Word reflect your desire to know Him and learn from Him?  Ouch!  Yes, our time devoted to "the Word IS God" does reflect our desire to know Him and learn from Him.  Oh Lord, I pray that the amount of time I set aside to genuinely search for You in the Scriptures reflects and validates the desire I profess with my mouth instead of making me a liar.

How are you doing, friends?  Are you DELIGHTING your Father with your desire to know Him and learn?  I pray you are!!

Because you love ME

The boys were playing in the living room.  I asked if one of them could carry something to the basement for me.  So, the older one cons the younger one into doing it.  But in doing so, the younger was not without a whole slew of grumbling and complaining about his big brother.

Words came out of my mouth, embedded in my mind since childhood, in response to the complaints, "Don't do it for your brother, do it because you love me."  Do you ever have moments, where the thoughts coming from your mouth nearly slap you in the face?  God often shocks me with my own hypocrisy through parenting.

As I spoke to Zachary, I seemed to receive a life giving "jolt" to my hardening heart as the words, "Do it because you love ME" echoed in my thoughts.  Sometimes, deep down, little sprigs of bitterness or selfish complaint or "that's unfair" thoughts can try and take root in my mind and heart concerning relationships with my brothers/sisters in Christ.  Those relationships can be our spouses, children, family members, friends, church members, neighbors, etc.  I wonder how often I or we withhold, refuse, neglect, grumble, complain because in "our" opinion someone is deemed unworthy, selfish, undeserving or wrong?

We are to love our brother more than ourselves, deserving or not.  But more important, our first command is to love God, who is deserving of ALL our service and obedience. And God, who is deserving of our obedience, commands us to love our brother.


John 14:21 (NASB95)

21 “He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who LOVES Me; and he who LOVES Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.”


I praise God, that when my rebellious nature wars with my spirit, I can recall the gentle words of my Father in Heaven, "do it because you love ME!"

Sometimes there are scars

A week ago Sarah got 4 stitches as a result of entering the middle of a light saber battle. It was not a fun experience but she did just fine. In fact, it's hard to believe just 7 days later there is a minimal scar that should be almost unnoticeable as she ages.... the dr. did a fantastic job!

Most days, my kids are just my kids. You know, I try to use godly, catered discipline, encourage specific areas, find special moments to express intentional love and care for their needs on as personal basis as possible.

For Sarah, I try to encourage our bonding and attachment intentionally often. Several times a week I do this by rocking her before nap time. Today, she whispered "Mommy, rub my forehead please"(another little thing I do intentionally to promote bonding... just special between the 2 of us).

It's in those times, with her eyes closed and her sweet chubby face looking like the cutest angel on earth, that God often pricks my heart. I consider the scar of "what has been". The year of life that was missed by us and by her. The rejection that comes from being relinquished. The loss of a culture and heritage she will never fully know.

But there is another scar that God has brought to my attention. A scar that "will never be". How I praise the Lord for the scar that "will never be". The scar of hunger, of abuse, of enslavement, of abandonment, of neglect. Praise God Sarah was rescued from a life that "could have been" had her birth mom not sent her to Eagles' Nest! Praise God Sarah had a church, friends and family that supported her adoption financially! Praise God that He gave specific direction to me and David as we followed Him to Guatemala!

I wonder how many "Sarah's" are out there today waiting for God to move in the hearts of His people to accept the scar of "what has been" and move forward to rescue even just one from the scar of "what will never be". I hope you each take time today to pray how God might use you to redeem a "Sarah" for the sake of Jesus!

Consider coming to the Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten conference on February, 19!!

You can register at www.connectingheartsconference.org

Like Mother Like Daughter

It's that time of year again... just 3.5 weeks until the Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten Conference . My "to do" list is ridiculously long as all the last minute details are being sorted out... yet, this is of course, the opportune time God always takes to teach me something about Him, about me and adoption. And I have learned that if I don't take time to process this "something" and journal it, the lessons that are more precious than jewels are lost.

Lately, I have had moments of considering whether or not Sarah will struggle with not looking like me. Maybe because so many people have commented on how much Emily is just like me. Emily's hair color, complexion, blue eyes, and even the build of her body resemble my own appearance as a toddler. But even her personality is strikingly similar to who I was at almost 3 yrs. of age.

Sarah, obviously, does not look anything like me. And even her personality is completely opposite my own. In a world that glorifies the flesh and promotes outward appearance above all else, my mind swims in the confusion of wanting to protect my girl. Will this bother her someday? Maybe, maybe not.

I was often scolded growing up for "thinking too much". Which is great advice for petty thinking or dwelling on negative thoughts that I am very sure was all consuming in my youth. But I consider it a gift from God as I've grown into adulthood. Simply because I have been able to breathe in so much wisdom from His Word and godly people for "thinking too much" about what they say. How MUCH I certainly would have missed for not chewing on Truth hour by hour, day in and day out.

So, I've been thinking through future conversations with Sarah and Emily pretty often, seeking to know how best God would have me handle these possible questions.

On Sunday, Pastor Ed gave a wonderful sermon on the sanctity of life. In his message, he brought up 2 Genesis passages... Gen.1:27 and Gen. 5:3. They talk about how God created mankind in His own image and fathered a son in His own likeness. Image? Likeness? My ears perked up and my heart opened willingly to receive God's teaching. (Ha ha, I'm quite sure P. Ed had no intention of teaching about post-adoption... just goes to show the Word never goes out and returns void)

Like salve on an open wound or refreshing water to a thirsty soul, God's Word ministered to my Mommy heart. What is more important... to physically look like your parent or to spiritually mirror your Father in Heaven??

With renewed confidence from God's Word, I look forward to those questions from my sweet Sarah and my sweet Emily. I look forward to telling them that there is no value in physically looking like me or anyone else! My heart's desire is that we will look IDENTICAL in our search for God as He molds us and makes us into HIS image and HIS likeness. That in the truest sense of reality, our eternity, we will look and be like Mother like Daughter.

"Instead, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:4