Fear is not my friend

Fear.  The word itself is powerful, isn't it?  I imagine many of us struggle with it.  It doesn't look the same in everyone's life but it's there.  I know I struggle with it.  Sometimes it's that "sound" you hear in the middle of the night.  It could be the balance in your checkbook.  Maybe that child you don't know what to do with.  Or it's that conversation you worry someone took the wrong way.  And then there are those fears that nearly paralyze us.... harm, rejection, pain or even death to a loved one or to our own lives.

My greatest fear growing up was that I was unlovable.  I believed like most girls that I needed to be beautiful to be lovable.  I hated my skin and my body.   The enemy must be thrilled with our culture and the deception woven into the fabric of our society that you must be beautiful to be accepted.  I believed that lie and didn't think I held a chance.  But God in His goodness rescued me in my college years, revealing the truth of His Word.  He gave me a verse that has been my life verse ever since,

"Instead, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God"  -1Peter 3:4

This verse is written in the context of a passage that speaks to how godly women are to "adorn" themselves, not with outward appeal but with a heart that trusts God and honors His ways.  God asked me and asks all of us to make ourselves beautiful for Him... not the world.

Fear has recently pried it's way back into my life.  A couple spots I had removed last summer grew back and were biopsied.  Both showed basal cell skin cancer.  It's a fairly common skin cancer that is slow growing and has an extremely high success rate for being removed with the Mohs surgery.  As much as I tried to assure myself with this knowledge, fear gripped me for several days.   I hated it, I was embarrassed by it and felt owned by it.  And because of peoples' prayers for my spirit, thank the Lord, that paralyzing fear didn't last more than a few days.

What was I afraid of?  The unknown.  The surgery.  How much cancer is there?  Will it come back?  How much of my lip will they remove?   I had a nightmare the first night after the results came back that the cancer kept coming back and my face became "monstrous" looking from all the surgeries.  My fear....(yeah Satan knows our old weaknesses and he doesn't forget)  that my husband wouldn't think I was beautiful anymore.

Then, God decided to be amazing as always.  He caught my attention by a verse John Piper quoted online.  1 Peter 3:6.  So close in proximity to my life verse.  I had to check it out.  Let me back it up to verse 5 so it makes sense...

"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands ;  just as Sarah obeyed Abraham,calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." - 1 Peter 3:5-6

Well, He had my attention.  I did a word study on "fear" and it literally means in the Strong's concordance "to be afraid of with terror".  Wow, terror is a pretty strong word!  This is the only place in the New Testament that this Greek word appears.  But what does this mean in the context of this passage?  To my best understanding, God is telling wives not to be manipulative or controlling out of fear that her husband isn't obedient or right with God.  Instead, she should trust God.  

My fear isn't that my husband isn't right with God.  Yet, it really doesn't matter what my fear is... any fear keeps me from trusting God.  The passage says "you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by fear."  What, then, is doing what is right?  Is it not trusting God, regardless of the fear, and acting on it?  Is it not believing with faith that God is sovereign, supreme, righteous and glorious?  Hebrews 11 tells us that it is impossible to please God apart from FAITH.  

"And FAITH is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

Trusting God and doing what is right without being afraid with terror.  For me, this brings enriched meaning to having a "gentle and quiet spirit".  It brings to mind words like brave, courageous, standing firm and unmovable in regards to our faith that Jesus is Lord.  Believing He is enough, He is everything.  In fact, He provides the grace for that faith.

Yes, fear is powerful.  But in the glorious beam of God on His throne, there is no crevice or corner where fear can dwell.  He is trustworthy, my friends.  God is good.  And when the tempter comes near again, I pray I choose to remember God's whisper...   be beautiful for Me, not the world.  I pray you do too.

Fear not, brothers and sisters in Christ, fear is not your friend.

Last day and Final thoughts about Haiti

Group picture on the last day of class with my morning ladies.  They were sweet and grateful.  After concluding Ruth, I challenged the women.  I told them that my purpose there was to encourage them in their relationship with God and that they needed to continue reading, studying, memorizing and meditating on the Word and in prayer.  I shared a verse in Ezra that describes Ezra as one who set his heart to study the Law, teach the Law and practice the Law.  I asked them who God would want them to teach about the Lord and encouraged them that I saw God had CHOSEN them to teach the orphans in their care about their Abba, Father.  I pray that they do just that!

Most of them could not speak English except for a couple phrases.  One woman hugged me for a long time and whispered "Thank you.  I love you."  So rewarding!

My overall observation of Haiti, other than extreme poverty, was how dirty it was.  We went to the beach on the afternoon of my last day and Haiti was redeemed of my gloomy observations.  God created a beautiful island.  Unfortunately, the condition of the country is an example of how much mankind and sin in this world can deface what God created perfect.

Me with the adorable Mulligan kiddos : ) Had fun hanging out with the whole fam!

Carrie leading worship with the kids Thursday night.  Such a sweet time of fellowship with the kids.

Me and my cousin, Carrie, dropping me off at the airport to go home.  

She shared with me how much it bothered her when people would say she and Stephen are amazing and how ill-equipped and unqualified they felt.  Stephen runs the facility overseeing 20 some nannies, construction workers on site, American interns, translators, security guards, payroll, and overall maintenance of the buildings.  Carrie takes care of the medical needs of the children(which is CONSTANT), dealing with kids coming and going from IBESR and their placement, communication with kids sponsors from site and being mommy to her 3 littles.  Their life is overwhelming to say the least.  The orphanage is relatively new and experiencing normal growing pains with the struggle of continuing to understand how best to care for the kids within their culture but according to God's Kingdom culture.  

There is so much to be done and so many ways I can clearly see God is going to improve things in the future, yet, there is SO much good that has already been done and SO much to praise God for!!  Please pray for them and Hands and Feet...  I know that they covet prayers.  And as for Carrie and Stephen, Carrie is right that they are not amazing people, no one is.   No, I think when people say that about them, they mean that the love Carrie and Stephen have for God is amazing.  So much so that they left everything( a good job, nice house, family, friends,and  a good church) to live in an isolated, lonely, overwhelming and extremely difficult situation... all for the glory of God.   But most of all, I think people say that about them because GOD is amazing!  That he would use an ordinary family to run a HUGE operation of caring for 70 orphans in an oppressive, poverty-stricken country with no previous missionary experience.  Yes, God is amazing and I got to see it with my own eyes.

More pics from Haiti!

This is my morning class with the nannies at Hands and Feet.  They are loving learning about the Bible!  Especially the Old Testament.  They had never even heard of the book of Ruth before.  It's been explained to me that many Haitians have been evangelized but very little discipleship has taken place.

This is the 6 and 7 yr. olds' Bible lesson.  Josue is one of my interpreters playing the guitar.  He is great with the kids!

I taught them the story of Jesus calming the storm.  Here I am demonstrating the disciples going to Jesus and saying "Wake up!" when he was sleeping in the boat.  The girls thought it was so funny : )

This is my afternoon class of nannies with a different translator named Fanel. He is super smart and incredible at translating.

This is Kerby.  He is precious!!  He is deaf and will be coming to the States soon for a medical exam and to see if he's a candidate for a cochlear implant.

This is Stevenson.  He has been at Hands and Feet for less than a week.  He was brought to them as an extremely malnourished little boy.  I got to hold him Saturday night and spoon feed him peanut butter.  He could barely sit up and his legs were completely limp.  It was a moment I'll never forget.  I got choked up holding him as he slurped peanut butter from my hand thinking about the verse "When you saw me hungry, you fed Me".  It was a very humbling and overwhelming experience.  I actually thought that he might have CP.  We checked on him this morning and after just a few days of nourishment and love this little guy was smiling from ear to ear and trying to take steps with his nanny helping him.  I was AMAZED!  I have never witnessed something so drastic.  

These are the older kids learning movements for the "Story of God".  Dave let me borrow his curriculum from our church's after school program.  They caught on so well and did great!  Here we are doing a motion symbolizing God making creation.

This little guy came up front to show off his memory and explaining the whole story of God I taught him. He was embarrassed and kept giggling... such a cutie pie : )

Some of the older boys skyped my family with me tonight for my birthday.  My boys and the HAF boys were planning a playoff in basketball.

Carrie made me a cake for my birthday and my family on Skype and everyone here sang happy birthday. 

It was great!  I got sick last night and felt pretty crummy all day so I am hoping to feel better and try the cake tomorrow.  Thanks to anyone who prayed for me, I was able to teach today despite not feeling well. God is good.

Tomorrow is my last day and I will be back home early Saturday morning.  Can't wait to see my family!  I've enjoyed my trip immensely, especially teaching the women!  Thanks again for all the prayers!  They were felt : )

1st two days of Haiti

This is the market in Port - Au - Prince as we were driving from the airport to the orphanage in Jacmel.  It was a 4+ hour drive through the mountains... amazing scenery!

Sunday morning here in Jacmel.  Didn't understand a word but I recognized a lot of the songs and could sing along in English. Those aren't empty benches in front but FILLED with a lot little cuties from Hands and Feet : )

This is Clivens(pronounced Cleevens).  He came here on Friday after his parents abandoned him in a hospital.  He seems to have some serious delays and medical conditions.  SUCH a sweetheart and just smiled and smiled.

Doll baby right here!!

Proof that I'm here : )

Aren't these girls adorable??  They were so helpful and good workers doing their chores.

This little guy (Willcharson)ran up to me at church and threw up his arms at me wanting me to hold him.  I got to hold him all the way back from church... so sweet.

I get to teach first thing in the morning!  Got to meet my translator this afternoon and go over my lessons with him.  I am so excited to see how it all goes!  Prayers are very welcome : )  Thank you to everyone who already has prayed...  I have felt the strength that comes from that intercession.

Send Me!... to Haiti?

Yep!  I'm going to Haiti in 1.5 wks : )  Above is a pic of the kids I'll get to hang out with while I'm there.  The name of the ministry is The Hands and Feet Project.  There are approximately 70 orphans  that live there.

This is my cousin Carrie, her husband, Stephen, and their adorable littles...Ella, Mikah and Grady.  They are the directors of the orphanage at The Hands and Feet Project in Jacmel, Haiti.  They sensed the Lord's call on their life a year ago and moved their family to Haiti just about 6 months ago.  You can read about their adventures in Haiti here.  Can't wait to spend some time with these people!!

This is a pic of part of the facility at The Hands and Feet Project : )  Sweet rainbow too!

I have felt a strong desire for over a year that the time for "going" to do the ministry of orphan care I so passionately advocate for was near.  God has made it clear to me over and over again that my part in orphan care is to be a mouthpiece for the voiceless to His Church.  However, my heart longs to kiss little cheeks and embrace these ones that God has asked me to advocate for...  to remember the reality of their plight and their desperate need for Hope and a Kinsman Redeemer.

Of course, when Carrie and Stephen were called to Haiti, I thought what a perfect place to "go"!  I did not want to go for the sake of going but desired to only go if there was a divine purpose in me "going".  I asked the Lord if He had a purpose for "me" personally to go.   And if there was, then, "send me" because I was willing.  God put it on my heart to use my love and passion for teaching the Word to the nannies that care for the children at The Hands and Feet Project.  I suggested this to Carrie in conversations about whether or not I would be coming.  God affirmed my desire to teach the nannies when Carrie expressed what an answer to prayer that ministry would be.  Lastly, the Lord confirmed all of these leadings by speaking to my husband David's heart that "yes", I was indeed supposed to go on this trip.   David felt the Lord saying there was specific purpose in my week there.... so, within the week I was on a search for the best, cheapest flights I could find : )

If you would feel led to partner with my trip to Haiti in prayer, I would be very grateful.  I have never taught the Word using an interpreter before.  This makes me feel very inadequate and unprepared.  Yet, I trust God has a plan.  I will be teaching 2 different groups of nannies each day and 1 group of kids every evening.  I will be teaching from Equipping the Saint's model for teaching discipleship and also teaching inductive Bible study methods going through the book of Ruth to the nannies.   I will also be using some curriculum and Bible story telling with the kids.  

Please pray I would be flexible to adapt to God's agenda, sensitive to the Spirit's leading and trust God's  all sufficiency in my weakness.  Thanks to all who come alongside this 7 day trip in intercession for children in Haiti : )