Friday, May 29, 2009

A Moment to Remember

Today is the one year anniversary of meeting Sarah for the FIRST TIME!! It was approximately 4pm and a moment that will never fade in my memory.... absolutely life-changing! After 8 months of studying every inch of her on a computer screen and tracing each feature of her face on a photo in my hand, LONGING to touch her.... she became REAL!!

Today also marks 10 months home which is the same amount of time she spent apart from us in the orphanage. I would have to write a book to describe what the last 10 months of Sarah being home has been like! She has grown and changed and BLOSSOMED into a distinct, precious, and permanent part of our family. She is a Daddy's girl for sure, a Mommy's helper and snuggler, a best friend for Emily, and she is ADORED by her brothers!! Praise God for the GREAT things He has done!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Restorer of my soul

What do we think of each other??

Still asking that question... 9 mos. later : )

One of the biggest blessings of these unnatural "twins" is
how they make each other giggle!!

I just recently noticed that I always put Sarah on the left and Emily on the right whether it's the high chairs, carseats or cribs... crazy but I'm told by mommies of "twins" this is normal.

Mothering Moments in Adoption:
Been trying to to keep up with my mother's "paychecks" and had a good one to share about SARAH!

"Often times we take for granted special things or special moments because they are familiar and natural. For instance, the way I've always held my babies to comfort them. We're talking hours and hours over the last 8 yrs. spent standing and bouncing with my babies cradled inward, tummy to tummy, their tiny heads resting in the crook of my arm against my chest and their legs straddling my other arm.

When Sarah came home, she didn't want to be cradled, it made her scream. She only allowed us to hold her up on our shoulders or sitting in our laps facing outward. A few months home, she allowed me to sit with her on my lap and rock her.... it was like heaven!

Today, Sarah woke too early from her nap and I thought, "oh, if only I could get her back to sleep!" Without really processing what I was doing, I took her in my arms and cradled her just like my other three and started gently bouncing. She just looked up at me so peacefully and her eyes slowly closed. There was no screaming, no fighting... just a daughter resting in her mother's arms.

The strange part is I don't remember ever holding any of the other 3 this way after they turned one or entered toddlerhood. But I will never forget looking down at my sweet, brown-faced cherub nestled against my chest, an almost 2 yr. old and in that one moment, sensing that God had somehow restored the 10mos. of Sarah's life we had lost. Because in that moment, she was that newborn I never held, that infant I never snuggled, that baby I missed who now so naturally belonged in this mommy's arms."

"He restores my soul" Psalm 23:3

Friday, May 15, 2009

Right before my eyes...

.... my little boys grew up in one evening!
Big things have happened the last couple weeks that make this mama proud, sad, happy and a little nostalgic!
Caleb turned 8 yrs old!!

Zachary had his end of the year program for Cubbies(AWANA). He got to LEAD the group in saying the pledge of allegiance. If you've known Zach very long, you would know that not too long ago he could barely keep eye contact with someone longer than 2 seconds. Watching him stand out in front holding the flag, starting on cue, and then walk directly back to his place on stage (without doing flip flops or fall to the ground in a super hero move) was HUGE !!! I was blown away that night by how much he's grown, how much he's matured and so humbled that God could take my flawed parenting and still grow up this precious son of mine!

Well, this one takes the cake for me! Just 2 years ago I stood outside of the sanctuary of Caleb's pre-school during his Christmas program with a 5 yr. old that was absolutely beside himself with fear. There was clinging and sobbing of desperation to not even step foot inside the door to watch his classmates on stage.

Here is a video of Caleb 2 wks. ago at his spring concert standing on stage in front of at least 200 people telling knock-knock jokes( he's the one on the left ). Proud isn't even a fitting word for the feeling I had watching my son overcome the greatest fear in his life... being in front of others.

How did each of my boys grow up like that in one evening for me?? I don't know. But seeing God's hand on them is reward enough for me for a lifetime!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sooo "Needy"

I'm not ashamed to say I'm a "needy" person. I am. Fifteen yrs. ago I also was "needy" . Then, I needed from relationships (like friends, a boyfriend, or my parents) to provide me with security, worth, love, affirmation, encouragement,etc. My state of being seemed to hinge on the acceptance of others. Today, I still NEED those exact same things. But I need and receive them differently.... all of my identity and worth comes from my Father God and that's where I rest.

Just this past week I wrote in my journal(after a physically, emotionally and spiritually draining week... who am I kidding?... how about a month) that I really "needed" for Him to touch me, to show me in His divine way, His faithfulness and His love in a personal way. I feel most at home with my Lord in that genuine vulnerability because I know how He loves His children to come to Him in their weakness.

I knew He would answer me and reassure my spirit because He has ALWAYS been faithful. The question for me comes with "when?" and "how?"

The very next day He revealed Himself in personal way by answering a prayer request that I've prayed for 3YEARS!! But He didn't stop there, nope, 2 days after that, I was convicted in Sunday school that Dave and I need to be more intentional about spending time together alone for the strength of our marriage. But honestly, I thought "how?" We don't have time or $$, if you know what I mean : ) Anyway, not 5 minutes after class, a friend and sister in Christ held out a beautiful gift bag to me explaining God had been burdening her heart for me. What?? Really??

I opened the card and my eyes filled with tears as I realized God was revealing Himself yet AGAIN to me in a very personal way. The card and bag was filled with opportunity for Dave and I to go out together that included babysitting!! It also contained treats for me that were so perfect I know the Lord must have whispered the ideas right into her head. I felt so very loved by this blessed woman but EVEN MORE filled with LOVE for my Savior. He didn't have to give me a gift bag or an answered prayer, I just was so thankful that He chose to touch me and remind me of His everlasting love!

I'm so glad I serve a God who loves His "needy" children!