Joy Made Full

 John 16:24

“Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.

As far back as I can remember, the idea of JOY, the expression of it and the desire for it, has been meaningful to me.  My grandparents and parents encouraged a joyful disposition in me to the point that throughout my life I received figurines and ornaments symbolizing joy or art pieces with Scripture about joy for presents at Christmas and birthdays.  I liked the thought of being joyful and hopefully bringing joy to others.

However, the past several years, this hope filled word, full of promise and satisfaction, has been far from me.  This is my testimony of struggle for joy.  A little over 4 years ago, my side of the family began facing some difficult challenges.  The pain from the sin,rebellion, and division in this situation has been deeper than all other pain I have known in my life so far.  Simultaneously,  our foster daughters came into our home from their own broken and painful situation.  I know many of you have experienced this kind of pain, sorrow and grief.  Pain that buckles your knees and makes your breathing difficult.  Some of you may be experiencing it right now or you will be facing it in your future.  In the midst of these moments/years of pain and trial, the idea of “joy being made full” seems like a polar opposite.  Instead, words like endurance or long suffering seem more appropriate.

As a former athlete, I’ve always appreciated the verses about running the race marked out for us, in our journey of following Christ.  Verses like Hebrews 12:1-2 inspire me:

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

or 1 Corinthians 9:24

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.”

I look at these verses and am encouraged to have faith through trials, to hold on and to run through the finish line with all my might... to run in such a way as to win!  But if I were to be really honest, the race has become more and more about just finishing for me.  Running strong and finishing well.  Isn’t that what it means to “run in such a way that you may win”?  To be faithful through it all (the crud, the mess, the awful) and finish?  I mean finishing is the goal, right?

Philippians 3:14 says:

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

The Greek meaning of the upward call is “a calling and divine invitation to embrace the salvation of God in the heavenly place”.  In fact, Scripture, tells us that THE PRIZE is the calling and divine invitation to embrace the salvation of God.  

In this present trial and suffering with loved ones, I have fixed my eyes on the end of this trial... the finish line of sorts.  As I have gazed helplessly and hopelessly at the finish line with physical impossibilities of restoration this side of Heaven, thoughts like “how can I make it or I can’t make sense of this, I don’t understand, or how can this be fixed”, joy has also seemed impossible.

I don’t know about you or what trial/pain you face, but I have run this race far too long fixing my eyes on the race itself or on the goal to finish rather than the PRIZE!

This PRIZE, this salvation, this calling, this relationship with Christ, this PRIZE is where we find joy!  Chapters 15 and 16 in John explains that when we receive Christ and abide in Him there is great JOY!

The word JOY appears 182 times in the NASB, the Hebrew/Aramaic languages have 16 different words for our English word, Joy, and the Greek language has 8 different words that translate to our English word, Joy.  All of them mean gladness and joy but some may have a more fuller meaning associated with shouting, singing, leaping, crying or exceeding joy.

The Joy of the Lord is actually defined for us in Scripture.  Many of you are familiar with it and it is one of my favorite verses.

  “Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord IS your strength” Nehemiah 8:10

The joy of the Lord is your strength.  In studying this passage, I couldn’t help but want to understand this better.  The original word is “ma’owz”.  It means place of safety, protection, refuge, stronghold.  In other words, the Joy of the Lord is your place of safety, protection, refuge, and stronghold.  

A true disciple of Christ longs for satisfaction in Christ and Christ alone.  A true disciple of Christ asks for things in the Name of Jesus Christ according to the Father’s will.  Our JOY will be made full and our gladness, our strength will be complete when we “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross”.  

If today, you are weary like I have been, fixing my eyes on the finish line rather than the PRIZE of Jesus Christ, John 16:24 tells us to “ask in My Name and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full”.  

My dear friends, I plead with you today, one weary runner to another, HE is our JOY....won’t you ask in His Name and  fix your eyes on Christ, so that your joy may be made full?!

Horizons of Hope

Yesterday was good.  It was a day that painted a picture of hope.  A soft warm glow on the horizon.  The eager anticipation for the sun to burst forth and illuminate all of God's creation with His glory.

I don't know about you, but this world can get the best of me at times.  We've tasted the bitterness, suffering and death it offers.  Despair and hopelessness flirt with our hearts.  Sometimes caving in to the  enormous burdens put on us.  We lose peace, then, we lose joy.

A particular burden of a lost loved one in my life has been especially heavy the past few years.  With time,  hearts seem harder, choices seem even more devastating.

Yet, God has given me something to grasp.  Hope.  It is a word that has become my lifeline back to truth.  It reminds me to believe in an empty grave.  It reminds me God is good.  It reminds me there is no darkness in Him.  It reminds me of His sovereignty.  It reminds me of His power to save.  It reminds me that my Lord is coming back!

So, what was so hopeful about yesterday, you might be thinking.  I had the opportunity to meet with my foster daughters's mom outside a Starbucks for a brief time.  Her life is a tragic one and full of choices that led her to where she is right now.  I shared with her my Hope found in Christ.  I held her hand and prayed that she might find her way to that same Hope.  We plan to chat again.

There was that soft warm glow on the horizon.  It reminded me God is not dead.  It reminded me God's love covers a multitude of sins.  It reminded me that He is Light.  It reminded me that God commands the winds and waves.  It reminded me that God removed scales from Paul's eyes.  It reminded me to eagerly anticipate the SON to burst forth and illuminate all of creation with all His glory!

"But as for me, I will hope continually, 
And will praise You yet more and more." - Psalm 71:14

"and hope does not disappoint, 

because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts

 through the Holy Spirit who was given to us". - Romans 5:5

"But if we hope for what we do not see, 

with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." - Romans 8:25

God's sovereignty in the Court room

One thing many people may not realize about foster care, is how much time foster parents spend in court rooms.  We have had 3 court appointments in the last 3 months and have 4 more in the next 6 weeks.  This may be more than what the typical foster family experiences but every foster family does spend significant time in court.  We didn't expect our fostering to include learning the "ins and outs" of the U.S. legal system.... juvenile, criminal, immigration, etc.

Such a dark place... the court system that is.  The environment is so heavy, my heart weeps over the sin, the utter depravity of mankind.  

I sat in one of those court rooms last week.  It's a strange feeling to see half a dozen people clamoring together "fighting" for the rights and futures of the children in your care.  There was a small, selfish, prideful part of me that wanted to jump up from my lonely seat in the back of the courtroom and wave my arms around and say, "Hello, I'm the one taking care of them 24 hrs. a day, shouldn't my opinion matter?" 

Instead, the moment seemed surreal.  Legal jargon thrown around and over my head.  I wondered.  Wondered at it all. Our broken world, the insanely smart attorneys, birth parents who have lost their way and saddest of all, the children.  The thousands and thousands of children, broken families.... what is right?  Are the decisions being made for them, right?  I sat there and felt at a loss.  How does anyone make these life altering decisions?  

As quickly as the confusion came, His peace and grace filled my soul.  There was irony in staring at the judge and  attorneys in the room.  The Holy Spirit reminded my heart that God alone is JUDGE.  He rules justly, rightly and sovereignly.  He is so worthy to be trusted.  I don't have to figure it all out because He already has.

 And in the middle of that dark place, His Light flooded the room. 

"For the kingdom is the LORD's and He rules over the nations."  Psalm 22:28

"Those who contend with the LORD will be shattered;  Against them He will thunder in the heavens, The LORD will judge the ends of the earth;  And He will give strength to His king,  And will exalt the horn of His anointed." 1 Samuel 2:10

Fear is not my friend

Fear.  The word itself is powerful, isn't it?  I imagine many of us struggle with it.  It doesn't look the same in everyone's life but it's there.  I know I struggle with it.  Sometimes it's that "sound" you hear in the middle of the night.  It could be the balance in your checkbook.  Maybe that child you don't know what to do with.  Or it's that conversation you worry someone took the wrong way.  And then there are those fears that nearly paralyze us.... harm, rejection, pain or even death to a loved one or to our own lives.

My greatest fear growing up was that I was unlovable.  I believed like most girls that I needed to be beautiful to be lovable.  I hated my skin and my body.   The enemy must be thrilled with our culture and the deception woven into the fabric of our society that you must be beautiful to be accepted.  I believed that lie and didn't think I held a chance.  But God in His goodness rescued me in my college years, revealing the truth of His Word.  He gave me a verse that has been my life verse ever since,

"Instead, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God"  -1Peter 3:4

This verse is written in the context of a passage that speaks to how godly women are to "adorn" themselves, not with outward appeal but with a heart that trusts God and honors His ways.  God asked me and asks all of us to make ourselves beautiful for Him... not the world.

Fear has recently pried it's way back into my life.  A couple spots I had removed last summer grew back and were biopsied.  Both showed basal cell skin cancer.  It's a fairly common skin cancer that is slow growing and has an extremely high success rate for being removed with the Mohs surgery.  As much as I tried to assure myself with this knowledge, fear gripped me for several days.   I hated it, I was embarrassed by it and felt owned by it.  And because of peoples' prayers for my spirit, thank the Lord, that paralyzing fear didn't last more than a few days.

What was I afraid of?  The unknown.  The surgery.  How much cancer is there?  Will it come back?  How much of my lip will they remove?   I had a nightmare the first night after the results came back that the cancer kept coming back and my face became "monstrous" looking from all the surgeries.  My fear....(yeah Satan knows our old weaknesses and he doesn't forget)  that my husband wouldn't think I was beautiful anymore.

Then, God decided to be amazing as always.  He caught my attention by a verse John Piper quoted online.  1 Peter 3:6.  So close in proximity to my life verse.  I had to check it out.  Let me back it up to verse 5 so it makes sense...

"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands ;  just as Sarah obeyed Abraham,calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." - 1 Peter 3:5-6

Well, He had my attention.  I did a word study on "fear" and it literally means in the Strong's concordance "to be afraid of with terror".  Wow, terror is a pretty strong word!  This is the only place in the New Testament that this Greek word appears.  But what does this mean in the context of this passage?  To my best understanding, God is telling wives not to be manipulative or controlling out of fear that her husband isn't obedient or right with God.  Instead, she should trust God.  

My fear isn't that my husband isn't right with God.  Yet, it really doesn't matter what my fear is... any fear keeps me from trusting God.  The passage says "you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by fear."  What, then, is doing what is right?  Is it not trusting God, regardless of the fear, and acting on it?  Is it not believing with faith that God is sovereign, supreme, righteous and glorious?  Hebrews 11 tells us that it is impossible to please God apart from FAITH.  

"And FAITH is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

Trusting God and doing what is right without being afraid with terror.  For me, this brings enriched meaning to having a "gentle and quiet spirit".  It brings to mind words like brave, courageous, standing firm and unmovable in regards to our faith that Jesus is Lord.  Believing He is enough, He is everything.  In fact, He provides the grace for that faith.

Yes, fear is powerful.  But in the glorious beam of God on His throne, there is no crevice or corner where fear can dwell.  He is trustworthy, my friends.  God is good.  And when the tempter comes near again, I pray I choose to remember God's whisper...   be beautiful for Me, not the world.  I pray you do too.

Fear not, brothers and sisters in Christ, fear is not your friend.

Last day and Final thoughts about Haiti

Group picture on the last day of class with my morning ladies.  They were sweet and grateful.  After concluding Ruth, I challenged the women.  I told them that my purpose there was to encourage them in their relationship with God and that they needed to continue reading, studying, memorizing and meditating on the Word and in prayer.  I shared a verse in Ezra that describes Ezra as one who set his heart to study the Law, teach the Law and practice the Law.  I asked them who God would want them to teach about the Lord and encouraged them that I saw God had CHOSEN them to teach the orphans in their care about their Abba, Father.  I pray that they do just that!

Most of them could not speak English except for a couple phrases.  One woman hugged me for a long time and whispered "Thank you.  I love you."  So rewarding!

My overall observation of Haiti, other than extreme poverty, was how dirty it was.  We went to the beach on the afternoon of my last day and Haiti was redeemed of my gloomy observations.  God created a beautiful island.  Unfortunately, the condition of the country is an example of how much mankind and sin in this world can deface what God created perfect.

Me with the adorable Mulligan kiddos : ) Had fun hanging out with the whole fam!

Carrie leading worship with the kids Thursday night.  Such a sweet time of fellowship with the kids.

Me and my cousin, Carrie, dropping me off at the airport to go home.  

She shared with me how much it bothered her when people would say she and Stephen are amazing and how ill-equipped and unqualified they felt.  Stephen runs the facility overseeing 20 some nannies, construction workers on site, American interns, translators, security guards, payroll, and overall maintenance of the buildings.  Carrie takes care of the medical needs of the children(which is CONSTANT), dealing with kids coming and going from IBESR and their placement, communication with kids sponsors from site and being mommy to her 3 littles.  Their life is overwhelming to say the least.  The orphanage is relatively new and experiencing normal growing pains with the struggle of continuing to understand how best to care for the kids within their culture but according to God's Kingdom culture.  

There is so much to be done and so many ways I can clearly see God is going to improve things in the future, yet, there is SO much good that has already been done and SO much to praise God for!!  Please pray for them and Hands and Feet...  I know that they covet prayers.  And as for Carrie and Stephen, Carrie is right that they are not amazing people, no one is.   No, I think when people say that about them, they mean that the love Carrie and Stephen have for God is amazing.  So much so that they left everything( a good job, nice house, family, friends,and  a good church) to live in an isolated, lonely, overwhelming and extremely difficult situation... all for the glory of God.   But most of all, I think people say that about them because GOD is amazing!  That he would use an ordinary family to run a HUGE operation of caring for 70 orphans in an oppressive, poverty-stricken country with no previous missionary experience.  Yes, God is amazing and I got to see it with my own eyes.

More pics from Haiti!

This is my morning class with the nannies at Hands and Feet.  They are loving learning about the Bible!  Especially the Old Testament.  They had never even heard of the book of Ruth before.  It's been explained to me that many Haitians have been evangelized but very little discipleship has taken place.

This is the 6 and 7 yr. olds' Bible lesson.  Josue is one of my interpreters playing the guitar.  He is great with the kids!

I taught them the story of Jesus calming the storm.  Here I am demonstrating the disciples going to Jesus and saying "Wake up!" when he was sleeping in the boat.  The girls thought it was so funny : )

This is my afternoon class of nannies with a different translator named Fanel. He is super smart and incredible at translating.

This is Kerby.  He is precious!!  He is deaf and will be coming to the States soon for a medical exam and to see if he's a candidate for a cochlear implant.

This is Stevenson.  He has been at Hands and Feet for less than a week.  He was brought to them as an extremely malnourished little boy.  I got to hold him Saturday night and spoon feed him peanut butter.  He could barely sit up and his legs were completely limp.  It was a moment I'll never forget.  I got choked up holding him as he slurped peanut butter from my hand thinking about the verse "When you saw me hungry, you fed Me".  It was a very humbling and overwhelming experience.  I actually thought that he might have CP.  We checked on him this morning and after just a few days of nourishment and love this little guy was smiling from ear to ear and trying to take steps with his nanny helping him.  I was AMAZED!  I have never witnessed something so drastic.  

These are the older kids learning movements for the "Story of God".  Dave let me borrow his curriculum from our church's after school program.  They caught on so well and did great!  Here we are doing a motion symbolizing God making creation.

This little guy came up front to show off his memory and explaining the whole story of God I taught him. He was embarrassed and kept giggling... such a cutie pie : )

Some of the older boys skyped my family with me tonight for my birthday.  My boys and the HAF boys were planning a playoff in basketball.

Carrie made me a cake for my birthday and my family on Skype and everyone here sang happy birthday. 

It was great!  I got sick last night and felt pretty crummy all day so I am hoping to feel better and try the cake tomorrow.  Thanks to anyone who prayed for me, I was able to teach today despite not feeling well. God is good.

Tomorrow is my last day and I will be back home early Saturday morning.  Can't wait to see my family!  I've enjoyed my trip immensely, especially teaching the women!  Thanks again for all the prayers!  They were felt : )

1st two days of Haiti

This is the market in Port - Au - Prince as we were driving from the airport to the orphanage in Jacmel.  It was a 4+ hour drive through the mountains... amazing scenery!

Sunday morning here in Jacmel.  Didn't understand a word but I recognized a lot of the songs and could sing along in English. Those aren't empty benches in front but FILLED with a lot little cuties from Hands and Feet : )

This is Clivens(pronounced Cleevens).  He came here on Friday after his parents abandoned him in a hospital.  He seems to have some serious delays and medical conditions.  SUCH a sweetheart and just smiled and smiled.

Doll baby right here!!

Proof that I'm here : )

Aren't these girls adorable??  They were so helpful and good workers doing their chores.

This little guy (Willcharson)ran up to me at church and threw up his arms at me wanting me to hold him.  I got to hold him all the way back from church... so sweet.

I get to teach first thing in the morning!  Got to meet my translator this afternoon and go over my lessons with him.  I am so excited to see how it all goes!  Prayers are very welcome : )  Thank you to everyone who already has prayed...  I have felt the strength that comes from that intercession.