11 years

I know I must be one of the luckiest women alive to be married to such an incredible man! We had a wonderful evening together(thanks to my sister's babysitting services!) and got to sleep in until 9am this morning!!! We took this pic to put in the frame David got me for our anniversary present. For years now, he has stuck to the "traditional" anniversary gifts beginning at year #5(our wooden anniversary) by getting me 5 red roses that were crafted from some type of soft wood and they actually looked real!! : ) Year #11 is the "steel" anniversary, so he got me a frame made of steel with the "11 reasons I love you" engraved on it. It was perfect!

Does God still do Miracles?

YES! YES! YES! He does... If you haven't seen it on Fox news already, you absolutely must go to this blog to read about how an 11yr. old little girl raised over $20,000 in less than two weeks so their family could adopt a little down syndrome girl. Her heart and her faith will AMAZE you.... go to www.the30dayjourneyforhope.blogspot.com and start with the Nov.17, 2009 post. It all started when her parents challenged her to show "crazy love" (from the book Crazy Love) to others : )

Another adoption adventure!

Nope not ours... so you can all exhale now : )

I'm gonna be signing off for a few days while I do some blogging elsewhere. Come on over and join me at www.thecoffmanfam.blogspot.com : ) Our friends just left today for Ethiopia to pick up their new daughter and son, Addis and Micah! I'm going to be posting for them as their internet access will be limited. They have a beautiful story and should be fun to follow the next 10 days : )

Logos Great Bible Giveaway

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Has it really been a MONTH?!!

Can't believe I haven't blogged in almost a month. Sarah has been sleeping well and we've really been doing well in the bonding area again. But let me tell you, we have been BUSY!! I know everyone's busy with life and schedules... just never tried to keep up with American standards of busyness with a two yr. old and an almost two yr. old before.

Thought I'd give you a reason to smile with Sarah's latest obsession... diapering ALL baby dolls and stuffed animals in the house(and apparently needing sunglasses to do it : )) Sarah also takes off her diaper and Emily's whenever we turn around.

Now, who could ever accuse this precious sweetheart of being a menace!! I PURPOSELY took this picture so that I could remember that she was sweet some of the time : ) Emily can climb out of ANYTHING.... high chairs, cribs , pack n plays, you name it! She especially likes to climb into Sarah's crib and wake her.... yeah, you can pray for me : )


Aren't these leaves gorgeous... I LOVE our street we live on in the Fall. The whole neighborhood is filled with beautiful grown Maples that decorate every inch of the ground with the most incredible colors of Autumn. I also loved watching my kids play in them!!

Seriously, when did he grow up...sniff,sniff??


This boy just makes me smile!

Beautiful... even when she holds a bright green sippy : )

Emily captures the spirit of innocent joy like no one else!

Bonding and Attachment in Adoption

These 2 adoption words seemed fuzzy and ambiguous to me not too long ago... prior to bringing Sarah home. I think I thought it was a nice way of saying "loving your adopted child". Only after "the dream" became reality did these 2 words come sharply into focus for me.



Bonding and attachment are words that have as much meaning for the adoptive family as trying to describe the meaning of "grace" in a believer's life. Possibly because they both involve "trust and security".



I never even considered "bonding and attachment" to be an issue in our adoption... afterall, we were only adopting a baby. We brought Sarah home 6 weeks shy of her 1st birthday. She would quickly forget the orphanage and adjust to our home and probably never know any different.



After bringing Sarah home, we went through weeks and then months of Sarah adjusting and accepting us as Mommy and Daddy. I did expect that : ) We had several nights a week of what I would call "night-terrors"(screaming, pushing us away, fighting us, crying) for hours during the middle of the night. It was hard but I was ok... she just was scared. Those nights quickly became less and less frequent with occasional relapses.



In fact, we started doing so well, I really relaxed as it seemed Sarah was officially "adjusted". Wrong. It wasn't until I did some travelling this summer while David was in Romania that God started revealing to me the meaning behind the words "bonding and attachment". We had a set back on our trip that upset me more than I wanted to admit.

Since that set back(a sleepless night of screaming/crying comparable to her 1st weeks home), her sleeping issues have gone from bad to worse. Screaming as if "possessed" at every nap and bedtime and waking up every night with the same fits. The only part that has been better is that she does stop when we go and get her. However, she starts right back up if we leave. Thus a couple of very tired and exhausted parents.

A few nights ago, I was listening to one of her fits, paralyzed by what the right thing to do was and almost giving in to a meltdown myself. Something had to be done. Some have offered "it's just her personality" and some have suggested "it's just a phase". But none of those opinions have made sense to me or given me peace. I suppose because a mama just knows when something's not right with her baby.

As the Lord would have it, I received a phone call from a dear friend, who also is an adoptive mom. She heard my expressed concerns through different ears and suggested it was a bonding/attachment issue. Tears pricked my eyes as she continued talking and I felt confirmation that a piece of my Sarah's heart indeed is broken. This was comforting... the truth always is. It is comforting because when you understand something is broken, then you can start working on how to fix it.

There are so many kinds of "history" a child can have pre-adoption that affects him/her. And as unique as their history is, their own genetic make-up also determines how they will respond to that history. Each of my bio kids have individual personalities that we have to approach differently in parenting but with Sarah we have to approach her personality and how that personality responded to living in an orphanage with no sole provider for the 1st year of her life.

Seeing Sarah's broken heart is helping me have compassion when I didn't know I needed it. Seeing her heart is helping me be intentional about spending special Sarah time.... which is hard to do when there's another little needy toddler(Emily) trying to crawl up my leg. God is teaching me the importance of this trust and security in her life and how He wants to heal her through me. That I would love her like Christ so that she may one day be able to put that trust and security in the Savior of the World.

God has continued to reveal how my other 3 need that intentional showering of specific love too. But most of all, He's shown me how important my bonding and attachment to HIM is the only way I will be successful as a mom to ALL my children.

And would you believe after implementing these thoughts into action, we have had 2 FULL nights of sleep the last 2 days..... PRAISE the LORD!!!

Sarah's Birthday : )

Sarah and her Dora cake!

My shy, introverted daughter cried when the whole family sang to her... but when it was just the 6 of us she danced and twirled in circles : )


This would be a picture of Sarah loaded down with her new toys running from Emily... ahh, welcome to the wonderful world of two year olds!


At least by the end of the night,
these two little sisters are best friends again and everything is right in the world of toddlers!

When Scandal hurts the Body of Christ

I hope all of my bloggie friends will bear with me as I unburden my heart concerning a tragedy in the ministry of the Gospel. I have been in shock and absolutely heart broken over circumstances surrounding a ministry I was part of in my college years.

There was a scandal. There was sin. There was immeasurable hurt incurred to the innocent and hurt to even the one to blame.

I have taken this news rather hard. Maybe because of the evils of Satan .....but I've seen the devil's handiwork before. No, I think mostly because this place of ministry was SACRED to me. God used this ministry in the most tender time in my coming to know the Lord. I look at this time in my life with deep gratitude and love for my God in how He spoke so clearly in my life and changed me inside and out. The "guilty" one involved in the scandal, I knew personally. This person was part of what made that glorious "time" in my life so very poweful and effective. I would never and could never have believed any of this scandal to be true had this person not confessed.

I know many of you reading this are shaking your heads. You've been there before. Sadness, disappointment, anger, bitterness, cynicism, hurt.... all waiting to creep into the human heart.

In the midst of my grieving spirit over what has been lost, God has reminded me of what can be gained. We can learn and we can grow through these tragedies.

*We must always remember that we are all susceptable and capable of sin, even outrageous sin... "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." 1 Cor. 10:12

*We must be careful to never hold up a man/woman as God because we are all merely human... "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1Cor. 10:14

* We must remember God's sovereignty and His goodness. What satan intends for evil, God intends for good. "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, " Gen. 50:20.


Please pray for this unspoken ministry with me.... the ripple effect will be great. God go with my dear brothers and sisters that are picking up the pieces.

"Sorry, God"

Yesterday, as we were leaving a friend's house, I asked the boys to get their shoes on and get in the car. They got their shoes on, went out the door, ran for the grass and started wrestling followed by a fight over the sliding door to our mini-van.

All the way home, my thoughts went from anger at my boys to guilt for being a "terrible" mom. I made them go to their rooms to get control of my emotions and to talk to the Lord and decide on how to handle their behavior.

Thankfully David walked in the door as I was feeling very drained. I vented my frustrations and he decided to "save the day" : )

He told the boys to draw instead of write what their behavior should have looked like and to draw how sorry they were to God for disobeying their mommy. It was WONDERUL!

So, the above drawing is by Zach. The 1st drawing is of him disobeying with the word NO and the second drawing is of him getting in the car with the word YES.... my favorite was the "sorr God". (Caleb's drawing was very good too, Zach's was just far more entertaining : )

What do I know of Holy?

I like music. Especially worship. I don't spend a lot of time memorizing songs, upcoming artists, latest bands...etc. If it has good lyrics and a catchy beat, I'm good. But every once in a while there is a song that grabs my attention... you know, speaks to your soul. And then I can't get it out of my head or heart.

Well... a song by Addison Road recently did that to me. It's called "What do I know of Holy?" It is such an honest and raw admission to what many Christians' relationship with God is really like. And definitely speaks to ALL Christians on some level.

American Christianity is so confusing to me sometimes when I compare it to the Bible. And sure, no culture gets Christianity right.... we live in a sinful world. Still, in America, it seems that everything is so packaged, successful, scheduled, productive, programmed.....

I want to know God. I want to know Him and have Him be known.... that's it. I long to meet others who want to talk about Him like He is part of their day, that walk because He picks them up each day and carries them on. I tire of hearing how to "be" perfect and "do" perfect and "say" perfect. I am so incredibly flawed and many times find myself following along with everyone else picking myself up each day and willing myself through. No grace, no love... just condemnation and criticism.

I LIVE for those moments when God brings me to my knees. I LIVE for those moments that He lifts back the veil of His glory and allows me to gaze at His beauty. I LIVE for those moments when He reminds me of my sin and the ONE who took it away.

In a world that idolizes perfection in every way, my prayer is not to be perfect. I pray for humility. I pray that when He touches me I will know Him. I pray that when He looks in my eyes I will behold Him. I pray to KNOW Holy.

End of an Era

FIRST day of school.... LAST day of a house full of boys
I can't believe the days of being at home with my little guys are over! Zachary was MORE than ready for Kindergarten but not ME! Yes I am excited about raising my two little girls with undivided attention but really, how did the last 8 yrs. go so fast?? I haven't broken down yet, but it may be coming : ) Despite my sadness in saying goodbye to days of old.... aren't these 2 brothers cuter than all get out? Sorry, the mommy in me can't help thinking how sweet it is that they are at school TOGETHER : )

Hugs to all the other mommies out there fighting back those tears!!

Dolls for Sarah

Sarah received a mysterious gift bag at church this week filled with these Guatemalan dolls! There was a precious note inside explaining that these dolls were given to this mysterious person by their grandmother after travelling to Sarah's birth country. The note ended with the author's hope that these dolls would be special to Sarah. I can definitely say they are already special to her and I am confident they will only increase in value to Sarah as she gets older!! What an incredible treasure and what an incredibly kind and sacrificial gift!! THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS PERSON from the bottom of our hearts!!!!
She is so beautiful, I sometimes find myself just staring at her : )

She's learning the word "CHEESE"!!

Never a time when there aren't kisses for Caleb!

Finally home...

David's back from Romania and we're home from all our visiting relatives : ) It feels so good to be back! Here's a few pics from the last week.....

Emily thinks she's so big in this swing....

I LOVED this backdrop

Couldn't get Sarah to pose on the swing, she much preferred the John Deere tractor

As usual, Sarah doing things the RIGHT way and Emily, well... let's just say she's creative : )

Zachary's pro swing at croquet


Caleb waiting on everyone to finish

One of the midwest's ONLY redeeming qualities...

SWEET CORN!!

Sarah's first corn on the cob

Emily's 1st too... both girls seemed to enjoy the cob more than the corn, go figure!

Caught in the act! Would you just look at these guilty faces?

Besides, who said bathtubs were meant for bathing anyway??

Happy Forever Family Day!!!

One year ago today... she became ours forever!

And today.... it's hard to imagine there ever was a time she wasn't ours!

There seem to be no words and yet thousands of words to somehow conclude what the last year has been like with Sarah home. I've spent the last week being very nostalgic and emotional as I've thought endlessly about just one year ago.

So much has happened since then... everything's changed so much and yet so much has not.

We went to the Embassy one year ago today to legally commit to caring and providing for Sarah. I would have died for her I loved her so much. The crazy part is we loved her and didn't even know her.

I'm sure that sounds very sweet and romantic... and very true.

However, for all our commitment, our agape love, and romantic notions... you come home with a child from another country that you have pretty much NO relationship with. And day after day, week after week, month after month from that day on you learn about each other. We learned about her and she learned about us. Sometimes it was pure joy... other times it was confusing and hard. And that went for both Sarah and us : )

The relationship is what has changed.

Our relationship with Sarah has changed from committed, agape love with all kinds of romantic fantasies to a relationship based on that same love with the addition of knowledge. That SWEET, FAMILIAR knowledge. Knowledge like where the perfect spot on her belly is that makes her squeal with giggles, or that knowledge that when I pick her up from the nursery, she's going to run to me, nestle her face into my shoulder and take deep breaths, smelling me like I was a flower. That knowledge that when I turn my back, she's going to take a bite out of her sister's arm : ) Or that knowledge when I ask her for a kiss, she'll lean forward with the most adorable puckered lips you've ever seen.

Our relationship with God is what hasn't changed.

He's still there. When things were unfamiliar for all of us, He was familiar. When things seemed confusing and unsettling, He was the same. When fears clouded our hearts, He was perfect peace. He is what stayed constant from that 1st relationship we had with Sarah via pictures on email to the real relationship we had with Sarah as we came to know her in the flesh. (Although I must say how much joy I've found going back through pictures from the orphanage and seeing Sarah's expressions and with confidence being able to say, ah, I finally recognize that expression... looking at them and knowing which pictures showed her sad face, her overwhelmed face, her content face, her scared face...)

Sarah has changed and so have we.

Sarah is exceedingly more confident, happy, physically developed, bold, expressive and loving than 1 year ago. She absolutely loves her daddy, mommy, brothers and sister fiercely and has grown by leaps and bounds in her ability to trust. Until our recent travelling, she hadn't had sleep issues since April, which has been a huge blessing and a tell tale sign of her great adjustment in bonding and attachment.

We are exceedingly more attached and bonded to Sarah as our precious daughter than 1 year ago. I simply cannot fathom life without my Sarah and am daily filled with joy by her sweet, adorable little person. I thank God for completing my love for Sarah with such fond and consuming affection that every mother feels for her children!

So many changes and yet so much the same. Thank you Lord!!

If you'd like to take a peek back in history, click on the link below to see our Adoption video in tribute to our FIRST Forever Family Day!!

http://thegrossfam.blogspot.com/2008/12/our-adoption-video.html

We miss you Daddy!!

...but boy are we having fun at Grandma and Grandpa's!!

The girls were crazy about the trampoline... you can see they were really getting the hang of it : )

Emily's big cheese

Sarah getting some love from the boys!

Adios Papa!

David leaves today for Romania and will be gone for almost 2 weeks : ) We are excited to see what God will do through him and the rest of the team heading off to serve at a youth camp and also visit an orphanage... I'm a little envious : )

If you are interested in following the team while they're there, you can read up on their trip at www.romania-now.blogspot.com

These 4 munchkins are sure gonna miss their daddy and so is this espousa!! We'll see you soon Daddy! We love you!!

Warriors for Christ

I've always been more concerned with a rebellious heart than a rebellious behavior... which is good considering my youngest son is prone to being rough around the edges : ) I love this picture of my boys at Walt Disney World. Maybe because it makes me smile at how rambunctious they can be .... but I think mostly because I like to think their outward energy will one day be reflected in their fight for their faith.

God has been really teaching me these past few weeks about boldness in our faith. Straight out evangelism! Oh, I thoroughly enjoy the natural relationships in my life and how God uses those to share the Good News in my everyday conversations. But I mean taking EVERY person you encounter during your day and allowing the gospel to be illuminated. Not Bible-beating. But not just "niceties" either. Sometimes I think we Christians think we are being "Salt and Light" just by not acting irritated in the check out lane at Walmart. I'm talking ACTIVELY being sensitive to God's leading in EVERY conversation and EVERY encounter.

I went on a week trip with the Youth this past week where we did street evangelism... it was fun, amazing and pure joy to see God at work. God also has brought a Mormon teen girl into our youth program through one of our high schoolers. This has been incredible too... watching this young girl AND her mother truly seeking TRUTH! But what has made me pause the most at the glory of God lately is one of my two "warriors for Christ".

Our neighbors have a daughter that lives in Hong Kong with her husband and 2 children teaching at a university. The daughter and her family come home each summer to spend time with their families. The boys LOVE having kids to play with next door. Especially Zachary.

Recently, Zach was swinging with Rita(6) on our swingset in the backyard. I was on the deck with the girls while Zach and the neighbor"s daughter and grandchildren played. I heard Zach say out of no where...

ZACH: "Hey, Rita, do believe in God?"

RITA: "no"

ZACH: "You mean you don't even know who God is??"

RITA: "no"

ZACH: "But Rita, You HAVE to believe in God! He is the most Highest God and He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins!"

RITA: giggled(probably because of his over the top zeal : )

ZACH: "What!?! You think it's a joke? It's NOT! It's true! God is real!"

And then the next night, we were headed to bed and Zach says to me with his hands both up for a high 10.....

ZACH: " Touchdown, Mom, I got a touchdown today"

Me: "How did you get a touchdown Zachary?"

ZACH: "I asked Rita today, 'Do you want to go to Heaven or Hell?' And she said, 'Heaven' . Sooo, TOUCHDOWN!!"

Wow.... nothing like being challenged by your own children!! I'm so grateful for my little warriors : )

Being Ordained...

I haven't been very diligent with posting lately, so thanks for hanging in there bloggy friends : ) Well, David was ordained a pastor this weekend! Being ordained after 15 years of ministry is different than most ordinations since most pastors go through this process after Bible college/Seminary. But Dave was never officially ordained at that point in his life, so our church elders and pastors pursued ordaining him. Dave went through a very thorough process and was affirmed in his calling to youth ministry on Saturday. And Sunday night, the church held a BEAUTIFUL service that left both of us inspired, challenged and renewed in our passion for God and His Church. It probably held deeper meaning for us at this stage in our life than it would have for David right out of college.... the trials, challenges, joys and sorrows of loving God's Bride, we already know them and yet still love His Church and want to serve God and His people as long as He wants us in this position. We were overwhelmed by how many came to share this special evening with us and by the wonderful reception afterwards. A HUGE thank you to all who made that night so meaningful!

A few of the kids went out to Carl's afterwards for some ice cream with us : )

It's a terrible picture, but here's a look at the scrapbook I put together of letters written by many of Dave's past and present youth group kids and sponsors. Thanks to Facebook, I was able to reconnect with quite a few people from over the years!! Dave enjoyed these letters IMMENSELY!! They are more affirmation to him than about anything else of God's faithfulness in His ministry. So THANK YOU to all who took time to be part of this!!

Overall, we had a fantastic weekend! To God be ALL the glory!

Vacation Pics: Part I

Breakfast at Chick-fil-A: 5:30am(our time), 15 hrs. on the road, 4 hrs. to go!! My cousin Wendy lives in Valdosta, GA.... so we met for breakfast there before we pushed through the last part of the drive. It was so much fun to catch up with her and the kids!

Sarah with her Cheer Bear

Emily looking a little rough after a long night in the car : )

The boys had a great time hanging out with Nolan in the Chick-fil-A playland! (plus, they got to go in their pjs!!)

Me and Wendy and all the kids : )

First day at the resort:

The kids LOVED the whirlpool tub!

Sarah cracking up at her goofy Dad

Sportin' the "sales pitch" hats!

Funny story... The 1st morning we were there we had to go to a time share sales pitch. We were dreading it, knowing the kids would be miserable. It actually was pretty entertaining as they gave out all kinds of free stuff( hats, beach balls..) and they even brought out mini cakes for each of the boys' recent b-days. When we were walking back to our room afterwards the boys said, " Mom, Dad, this is the BEST vacation ever!!"



The Beach:

The girls were so funny at the beach... just once again revealing their polar opposite personalities.

Sarah is our princess. She barely would get her feet wet, constantly brushing the sand off of her, refused to sit on the ground and would only squat down to play with the sand toys. She was completely content to just watch everyone else.

Emily on the otherhand was crazy. She was covered in sand the entire day, throwing it, digging in it, running into the water and thoroughly enjoying the waves crash into her. It was a perfect place for this adventurous, curious 1 yr.old to wear herself out : )

The boys had a blast!! They loved trying to "surf" the waves on their bellies. They didn't even complain when it came time to eat pb&js on the beach... I pretty sure we got sand with every bite : )

Daddy and Caleb

Baseball... even at the beach!

Zachary was so excited that someone in Florida named a restaurant after him!

VACATION

I'm not as excited to post about vacation without pictures but.... our camera was stolen the 1st day we were in Florida. We did get some pictures but it was with our SLR and a few on Dave's mom's digital, so pictures will have to wait : (

We had an AMAZING time!! I tried really hard not to have expectations, realizing we were taking two 1yr. olds and we were going to have to drive 18 hrs. Whew!!! Let me tell you, it was a haul : ) But after arriving and getting a good night's sleep in, things were great!!

We didn't do anything spectacular. We went to the beach 1 day and went mini-golfing 1 of the evenings but the rest of the time we just stayed put. We rested, relaxed and got a LOT of use out of the swimming pool!! The place we stayed at was great because I could cook all of our meals right there!

Honestly, the best part was having Dave all to ourselves! Ministry can be very consuming and it felt heavenly to have all of his attention for 7 days straight : )

Zachary celebrated his GOLDEN birthday, # 6, at Walt Disney World at the end of our time in Orlando. We were able to just take the boys for their special Disney day thanks to Dave's mom and sister. Dave's mom took his sister and niece on a mini-vacation in Orlando the same time as us in order to come over for the day to watch the girls.... we are so THANKFUL!! It also turned out that the girls rode on Grandma's and Aunt Chris' laps on the plane ride home.... again THANKFUL!! (Especially since we ended up with a flat tire on the way home!)

I'll share some pics the next time I make it to Walmart's film developer :) Overall, one of the best memories I have of our family and so grateful to God for giving us that sacred time together! Hope everyone is able to take time to make special memories with their families this summer.... in a world that competes with the survival and sanctity of families, I urge all families to take time away and invest in something of eternal value... EACH OTHER!!

A Moment to Remember

Today is the one year anniversary of meeting Sarah for the FIRST TIME!! It was approximately 4pm and a moment that will never fade in my memory.... absolutely life-changing! After 8 months of studying every inch of her on a computer screen and tracing each feature of her face on a photo in my hand, LONGING to touch her.... she became REAL!!

Today also marks 10 months home which is the same amount of time she spent apart from us in the orphanage. I would have to write a book to describe what the last 10 months of Sarah being home has been like! She has grown and changed and BLOSSOMED into a distinct, precious, and permanent part of our family. She is a Daddy's girl for sure, a Mommy's helper and snuggler, a best friend for Emily, and she is ADORED by her brothers!! Praise God for the GREAT things He has done!!